A Night Out With Fellow Artist Carol Cox

So last night I braved a 1.5 hour ride on public transit in heels while 8 months pregnant to go check out the music video premiere of fellow artist and friend Carol Cox. Was it worth it? Hell yes! Not only was it great to get out after several months of being a pregnant shut in, but it's always a great feeling to share a pivotal moment in another artist's career.

Now, my interest in nightclubs has definitely taken a nose dive since I decided to sober up a few years ago, but Carol's energy and lust for life is so bloody infectious that I found myself jumping on the dance floor and shaking my ass(or what's left of it) until I forced myself to stop because I started to get contractions!

As the video premiered I found myself being quite impressed by the genuine emotional depth of the lyrics of what is essentially a pop song. As a general rule I'm not a huge fan of pop, but I find that Carol's work is distinctive because she actually writes her own songs and her song "Wasted" retained it's own unique soul in what is generally an over-produced, vapid, and soulless genre of music. The video was sexy, beautiful, energetic and shot entirely with green screen! All in all I had a great night.

Lapdance Romance - Explained

This song and painting based on my first meeting with my partner now of 5 years. I'm usually not one to divulge the full stories behind my creations whether it's art or music, but this one does tell a very specific story and all of the imagery and lyrics are directly related to it.

The opening line of the song is "So you're my next victim?" which was precisely the first thing that came out of my mouth when we first met in an Edmonton strip club that I was working at. The first think that struck me about him was his eyes. They were the color of absinthe and much like the drink made me feel giddy and completely out of control. Not a great place to be when you're about to give someone a VIP show. The entire time I was dancing for him I was resisting my attraction in order to remain cool, confident, in control and professional. Strippers are not supposed to fall for their clients, and here I was not only finding myself incredibly attracted to this guy, but it turns out that he was really sweet, charming, funny, intelligent and respectful too. On a whim I decided to accept his invitation sit down and have a club soda with him. I invited him back the next day so we could go out for a coffee after I was done work. Well, coffee turned into what I honestly thought was going to be a one night stand, which turned into a 1 and a half year long distance realtionship and eventually a permanent partnership.

Who says you can't find love in a strip club?

The Long Journey

Sometimes it feels like forever between the times that I actually get to do Borg Queen related stuff. I have so much on the go right now. I work full time as an interior designer. I'm currently working on a musical theatre production which requires me to go to 2 evening rehearsals a week. I'm taking part-time screen acting classes, and I have 2 large dogs. It's a lot to have to juggle.

I'm sure many of the artists out there have the exact same challenges with having to balance what they love to do with what they have to do. It's so difficult and frustrating at times! It can be easy to get discouraged too, but there's always that driving force inside that can't be ignored and it says, "Jenny, this is what you were born to do. This is why you're here on earth." It's true. Why else would we as artists be given these talents and abilities if not to use them and share them with the world around us?

We live in an amazing time where we have the ability and technology to do just that. I'm really learning to be thankful for the small victories and blessings of being able to create and share my art with the world. I hope all my fellow artists will listen to that voice inside them and be able to do the same. Today I am thankful that I own a a keyboard, a laptop with software that enables me to make music and then release it to the world. Today I am thankful for having a day off form work that I can work at my craft.

Life is hard. Success is a journey(a long one), and not a destination. We're fortunate that we never have to go it alone.

Triple Threatin' It

I am now officially a triple threat, and here's the evidence. Of course, I can't take all the credit. The concept was Arcelia Ocana's, the director who hired me for her project "Mime Love."

This project originated when I asked her if she'd be interested in making a music video for my song "The Bottom Of The Glass." I sent her the painting and the song with a brief explanation about the song being about my addiction to alcohol. I guess it inspired her. She had a green screen project that she had to do for school and she wanted to use my story, my art, my music and my services as an actor. Of course, I'm not one to shun the spotlight so I said yes.

"Are You Real" is the official title of the video, and it features two of my songs, "It's Over" and "The Bottom Of The Glass." The background is green screened and flashes several images of my paintings for my Borg Queen music and visual art project Sex, Drugs, & Shiny Brass Poles. This video is really the true story behind the inspiration for starting Borg Queen and my concept for Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles.

I wanted to do something where I could utilize all of my artistic skills, so I decided that I would make a series of paintings, and write a song for each painting. My eventual goal is to do a tour with theatre style rock opera performance for Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles, but I don't want to get too ahead of myself right now. I still have to finish painting and songwriting first. I've learned to apply the lessons in my recovery from alcoholism to my creative process. I just have to take it one day at a time.

Hero Worship - Dali, Depp, Burton, Reznor (Part 1)

Everyone needs a hero. When it comes to art I have 4 guys I absolutely adore. I could write a novel about the awesomeness of each one of these guys. However I won't, because nowadays the people who spend a lot of time online reading blogs have the attention span of a 2 year old with ADHD(no offense to you personally). I will be writing a multi entry blog about my heroes, Salvador Dali, Johnny Depp, Tim Burton and Trent Reznor and why they inspire me and the influence each one has had on my visual art, acting and music.

I would imagine most people know who these guys are. They're all pretty darn famous and have made huge impacts in each of their fields respectively, but for those of you who have just returned to civilization, here's a brief summary of each artistic genius and how they've been an influence on my career as an artist. I'll be writing an entry dedicated to each one in the near future.

Salvador Dali 1904-1989

Salvador or Sal as I like to call him was a Spanish surrealist painter. His most famous work is The Persistence Of Memory, otherwise know as "that painting with the melting clocks." Originally a draftsman, his technical drawing skills were highly developed and comparable to those of the Renaissance masters like Leonard Da Vinci, and are a crucial component in making his deeply psychological paintings so effective. His fine balance of technical perfection, creativity and conceptual communication is what I strive to achieve with my paintings.

Johnny Depp 1963-

Johnny Depp is an American actor who is best known for his portrayal of eccentric offbeat characters, like Jack Sparrow, Sweeney Todd, Willi Wonka and the Mad Hatter. Johnny himself is somewhat of an eccentric offbeat character with a no-compromise attitude who has risen to the status of an international sex symbol. As a person, I find that I have a few things in common with Johnny with being somewhat of a rebel and being unconventionally attractive myself. As an actor I aspire to showcase my uniqueness and Johnny Depp is a perfect example of how an artsy weirdo made a successful acting career by just staying true to himself.

Tim Burton 1958-

Little Timmy started out in his professional artistic journey as an lowly animator, just like me. He is now one of the most famous film directors(among many other things) out of Hollywood. His best known films include, Alice in Wonderland, Sweeney Todd, Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Sleepy Hollow, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Corpse Bride, Batman, Batman Returns, Beetlejuice and Edward Scissorhands. It is Tim Burton's visual aesthetic and "brand" if you will, that I fell in love with at a very early age. His unique portrayal of the world through the eyes of a innocent child with a macabre twist has a sincerity about it that draws me into his work every time(plus it looks cool). His movies inspire me as both an actor and visual artist.

Trent Reznor 1965-

Oh man, where do I start with Mr. Reznor? He's probably most famous for his industrial music project Nine Inch Nails, but he's also a producer, engineer, multi-instrumentalist, composer and revolutionary businessman. He is a rarity in that he is both right and left brained. He is equally an artist and scientist. He has wholly embraced technology as a means for baring his soul to the world, and creating art. He has impacted my life on a deeply personal, artistic and professional level, as an artist, musician and entrepreneur.

Hopefully that was helpful. I will be going into more specific detail about each one of these amazing people starting with Sal, so if Oedipus complexes, masturbation and Freudian psychology fascinate you, then you'll want to get to know Salvadore Dali.

Angst Makes For Good Art

So my personal life has been somewhat of a mess lately. The beautiful tapestry that was my relationship with my partner caught a snag about 2 years ago and began to unravel. As it unraveled we made numerous attempts to fix it, but to no avail, it was never the same again. It had become forever marred and over the past month it has become apparent that it's time to just let it go. Saying goodbye to a 4 and a half year relationship that started off with so much promise has been horrifically painful, and it's like walking around with a dagger in a still beating heart. With every pulse I am in agony.

This isn't a relationship blog so I'm not going into any further detail about the break-up, but there is something really great that has come of it all. My acting has never been better! Also my ability to sing and scream at the same time has returned too.

In the past week I was able to record a song that I had written about 2 years ago when my relationship started to really tank. The song wasn't written about my relationship with my then boyfriend, but was actually about me quitting drinking. At the time I started to notice the parallels between my dysfunctional relationship with my boyfriend and my dysfunctional relationship with alcohol, so I wrote "It's Over."

A few months ago I painted the corresponding painting. Interestingly enough it was at a time when it became apparent that the wedding that my then fiancee and I were supposed to have was never going to happen. The use of the bridal imagery and the wedding being cancelled are purely a bizarre coincidence. I didn't realize the connection until my mom asked me if the painting was about the wedding being cancelled. I used the bride because I needed something to symbolize an intimate relationship, and I needed something light colored to contrast against the dark background.

Now that it really is over, the real genuine pain that I feel makes it so much easier to scream-sing making the song much more effective. Also, with my acting I had to film something that required me to do a lot of crying and freaking out. No problem. All I had to do was release the emaotional flood gates and let the pain flow freely. Even in my last acting class my instructor noticed the difference.

Pain is a fact of life none of us can escape, but at least I've been able to take that pain and make some really good art.

You can't win 'em all... Or can you?

As an artist, my work whether it be a song, a painting or performance is always going to be subject to subjective opinion. Not everybody will appreciate or even think that my art is good. My own grandmother thinks that my paintings are horrible and not "good" art. Mind you, she's one of those people who only likes paintings of fruit in bowls and landscapes. *barf*


Does that mean that I've failed as an artist? No, but the real question is should I view my artistic "failures" with the attitude that "You can't win 'em all?"


I used to think so. In fact, that's how I would comfort myself if my work didn't "speak" to someone or my art was rejected from a gallery, or I didn't get the role I auditioned for, or didn't win the contest I entered. However, now I've started viewing my own artistic endeavors from a different perspective. If my art is to be viewed subjectively, then why not view my art career subjectively? Now, every time I create something I view it as a win. The mere fact that I overcame the inital fear of failure the precedes the artistic process is a win in itself.


For example, in the past couple of weeks, I submitted myself for 10 films. Out of that, I got 5 auditions, and out of that I was definitely rejected for 2 of the roles, I rejected one because the producer was a chump, I'm still waiting to hear back from one production and finally, one director absolutely loved my work and my look, so she hired me. I could look at this like I won 1 out of 5 or my success rate is 20%, but why should I? After all, I was prepared for each audition, I brought my best work to the table and I showed up and did my job as an actor which was show the casting directors their options for casting the role. Whether or not they thought I was "right" for the role is totally out of my hands.

Another even better example is that I submitted myself to The Peak Perfomance Project which is a music contest on 100.5FM The Peak. In total I believe there were 740 entries and the top 20 would all go on to "rock n' roll bootcamp," recieve several thousands of dollars and get hooked up with indsutry professionals so they could further their careers, not to mention they'd get a whole bunch of radio play as well. I was hopeful so I kept my fingers crossed, but alas I recieved the standard mass rejection email that was sent to all 720 of us losers. The winning side of all of this was that I regularily post my new songs on my facebook page and my biggest highschool crush(who I pined over for 7 years) happened to listen my stuff. He sent me the longest message telling me how amazing and talented I was!

So I didn't get to go to Rock N' Roll Bootcamp, but I impressed the hell out of my highschool crush. Really when you get down to it, isn't that what being a rockstar is all about?