Having these two weeks off has given me perspective. It made me realize that I've been somewhat derailed when it comes to finding a higher purpose within my art. It was that lack of purpose that had sent me into that rut. By an incredibly bizarre turn of events which almost seem like divine intervention, I ended up having a series of conversations with a person who reminded me that my life experiences, talents and abilities should all serve a higher purpose.
I was reminded me of the original reason I wrote Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles. I wanted to pay it forward through my ability to create art and music. I've struggled with mental illness and at times addiction for a good chunk of my life. At times it's seemed hopeless and I've been trapped in a pit of despair, but eventually I was able to get through it, and what helped me get through was the example of other people who I could identify with who faced the same demons.
My personal inspiration was Trent Reznor. I could identify with him being a creative person as myself, and also the struggles with depression he wrote about in his music. It was comforting to know that I was not alone in those struggles. When he decided to get sober it inspired me. I looked at him and said to myself, "If he can go through all of that and come out on the other side a better person and an even more prolific artist, then so can I." My hope is that by sharing my journey it will do the same for people who can identify with me.
Last week one of the women I share the stage with as a stripper died. We weren't super close, but her death has affected me greatly because as "stripper sisters" we shared so many of the same experiences. I wanted to do something for the survivors, the women left behind. Because of the human condition we all have demons that afflict our lives, but our common experience as strippers means that we face a lot of the same struggles. So, I made a special hard copy booklet edition of my art and lyrics that I'm gifting to the women I have shared the stage with.
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| Click to download PDF version of the booklet |
Even if you don't download the full booklet I still wanted to share with you the dedication on the front page.
To my stripper sisters,
I wrote these songs and painted these pictures about us for us. Even though we all come from different backgrounds, we share the same experiences in this unique world that we collectively create in the strip club. I've shared these songs to the world so that we could be humanized, for the moment we strap on those heels we become a commodity. It can be argued that in any job we are commodified, but our struggles are unique because our job requires us to be an unrealistic ideal of womanhood catering to the most basic of human needs. It's ironic that we sacrifice our humanity so that our customers can indulge themselves in the most basic of human instincts.
Existing several hours a week as an alter ego that has a dollar value assigned to her can be isolating and dehumanizing at times and it's easy to get lost in the world of Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles. Losing your sense of identity and purpose is the gateway to mental illness which goes hand in hand with addiction and other self destructive behaviors. This collection of paintings and songs is my journey through world of strip clubs. It's the story of how I got lost in a world shrouded by depression and addiction, but found myself again. It's been extremely dark at times, but overall very enlightening. I'm sharing it with you in the hopes that if you are struggling through some dark times that you will know that you are not alone and there is always hope because your life has purpose and value.
Doing a job where our value is determined by our sex appeal, physical appearance and our ability to conform to what someone's idea of the perfect woman is, can make us lose sight of where our true value lies. If there's one message I want to convey to you it's that your value is intrinsic. It's not determined by how much money you make, how beautiful you are, or even how talented or intelligent you may be. Your value remains constant throughout your existence. On the day you were born you had no skills or abilities, yet your life mattered and had a purpose. It always has and always will.
I write this letter to you as Jenny Kirby the woman behind the alter egos of Venus DeMilo and Buffy. I started doing this job 17 years ago, and I've seen it all. I've done it all. I've experienced this world as 19 year old art school student paying her tuition. I've experienced this world as an addict crippled by depression. I've experienced this world as a single mother supporting her family. I've experienced this world as a woman trying to make enough money to leave an abusive relationship. I've experienced this world as an artist supplementing her income. I've experienced this world as an educated mature sober woman with a higher purpose and that purpose is to let you know that no matter where you are on your journey, you are loved, you have purpose, you have value and you can overcome anything.
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