Finding Purpose

If you read my last post I mentioned that I felt compelled to make a booklet of my art and lyrics from Sex Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles to give as a gift to the women I've shared the stage with over the years to give some higher purpose to my art and the relationships I formed in the exotic entertainment industry. I wrote a dedication to my stripper sisters in the hopes that my experience in the industry plus my personal struggles with addiction and mental illness could serve as a reminder of hope in dark times. You can download a pdf copy of the booklet below or read the dedication in my last post

click to download pdf

Over the past few days I distributed the booklet and the response far exceeded my expectations. One woman sent me this that has really stuck with me over the past few days.

What resonated was she thanked me for giving purpose to what we do. It may seem odd think that there's a purpose to being a stripper other than making money, but there can be a purpose to any experience if we see our lives as purposeful. Every experience whether good or bad has purpose. Even the so-called bad things, poor choices and challenges can be turned into something positive. Difficult times can ultimately make us stronger, wiser and more compassionate if we choose to look outward rather than inward. If we choose learn from hard times, we can implement that knowledge to better ourselves and ultimately the world around us.

I truly believe that our time here on this planet can serve a greater purpose than perpetuating the cycle of acquiring material wealth, procreating and passing on our material assets to the next generation. I believe that every person has value and that value is not determined by their income potential, but rather who they are and what makes them unique.

Dedication: To My Stripper Sisters

I haven't written here for a bit or really worked on anything Borg Queen related because I needed a bit of a break. I've been stuck in a bit of a rut, not creatively but definitely on a personal level. So, I decided to switch it up. I spent the last two weeks engaging in way more social and recreational activities than I have in years. Mind you one of them was working on a film, but I'm a workaholic so cut me some slack on that one.

Having these two weeks off has given me perspective. It made me realize that I've been somewhat derailed when it comes to finding a higher purpose within my art. It was that lack of purpose that had sent me into that rut. By an incredibly bizarre turn of events which almost seem like divine intervention, I ended up having a series of conversations with a person who reminded me that my life experiences, talents and abilities should all serve a higher purpose.

I was reminded me of the original reason I wrote Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles. I wanted to pay it forward through my ability to create art and music. I've struggled with mental illness and at times addiction for a good chunk of my life. At times it's seemed hopeless and I've been trapped in a pit of despair, but eventually I was able to get through it, and what helped me get through was the example of other people who I could identify with who faced the same demons.

My personal inspiration was Trent Reznor. I could identify with him being a creative person as myself, and also the struggles with depression he wrote about in his music. It was comforting to know that I was not alone in those struggles. When he decided to get sober it inspired me. I looked at him and said to myself, "If he can go through all of that and come out on the other side a better person and an even more prolific artist, then so can I." My hope is that by sharing my journey it will do the same for people who can identify with me.

Last week one of the women I share the stage with as a stripper died. We weren't super close, but her death has affected me greatly because as "stripper sisters" we shared so many of the same experiences. I wanted to do something for the survivors, the women left behind. Because of the human condition we all have demons that afflict our lives, but our common experience as strippers means that we face a lot of the same struggles. So, I made a special hard copy booklet edition of my art and lyrics that I'm gifting to the women I have shared the stage with.

Click to download PDF version of the booklet

Even if you don't download the full booklet I still wanted to share with you the dedication on the front page.

To my stripper sisters,

I wrote these songs and painted these pictures about us for us. Even though we all come from different backgrounds, we share the same experiences in this unique world that we collectively create in the strip club. I've shared these songs to the world so that we could be humanized, for the moment we strap on those heels we become a commodity. It can be argued that in any job we are commodified, but our struggles are unique because our job requires us to be an unrealistic ideal of womanhood catering to the most basic of human needs. It's ironic that we sacrifice our humanity so that our customers can indulge themselves in the most basic of human instincts. 

Existing several hours a week as an alter ego that has a dollar value assigned to her can be isolating and dehumanizing at times and it's easy to get lost in the world of Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles. Losing your sense of identity and purpose is the gateway to mental illness which goes hand in hand with addiction and other self destructive behaviors. This collection of paintings and songs is my journey through world of strip clubs. It's the story of how I got lost in a world shrouded by depression and addiction, but found myself again. It's been extremely dark at times, but overall very enlightening. I'm sharing it with you in the hopes that if you are struggling through some dark times that you will know that you are not alone and there is always hope because your life has purpose and value.

Doing a job where our value is determined by our sex appeal, physical appearance and our ability to conform to what someone's idea of the perfect woman is, can make us lose sight of where our true value lies. If there's one message I want to convey to you it's that your value is intrinsic. It's not determined by how much money you make, how beautiful you are, or even how talented or intelligent you may be. Your value remains constant throughout your existence. On the day you were born you had no skills or abilities, yet your life mattered and had a purpose. It always has and always will.

I write this letter to you as Jenny Kirby the woman behind the alter egos of Venus DeMilo and Buffy. I started doing this job 17 years ago, and I've seen it all. I've done it all. I've experienced this world as 19 year old art school student paying her tuition. I've experienced this world as an addict crippled by depression. I've experienced this world as a single mother supporting her family. I've experienced this world as a woman trying to make enough money to leave an abusive relationship. I've experienced this world as an artist supplementing her income. I've experienced this world as an educated mature sober woman with a higher purpose and that purpose is to let you know that no matter where you are on your journey, you are loved, you have purpose, you have value and you can overcome anything.

A Dark And Enlightening Journey: Part 6 of 10

PROJECT OVERVIEW

If you read this blog on any kind of regular basis you probably know that Borg Queen is a multidisciplinary art project where I get to use literally every creative and technical discipline that I've ever been trained in. For each song that I write, I do a painting to visually convey the concept behind the song because the way I look at is that why not use as many mediums as possible to explore all the facets of the idea I'm communicating through sight and sound. My latest album Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles is 10 songs, 10 paintings and 3 music videos telling the story of how I learned the some of the most important lessons in life from working as a stripper. Each post in this series will be a detailed analysis of each song and painting from the album. Today's piece is My Resurrection

MY RESURRECTION

The first 5 songs are written from the perspective of an addict. My Resurrection is the 6th piece in the series and the first song that's written from a sober point of view. It's a transitional point in my life where I made a conscious decision to live again. I was afraid to face my life because it sucked. Some of the suckage was self inflicted, but a lot of it was other people's behavior that I was subject to and had no control over.

Change is scary and making the decision to change patterns of behavior and following through with the changes takes a lot of courage. Facing inner demons and accepting our darkness and brokenness is the first step to moving back into life. My Resurrection is about taking that first step and shedding light on the darkness within and acknowledging dysfunction so that the healing process can begin.

Sonically speaking the song starts out very dark with layers of screeching demons in the intro indicating the depth of hell I was stuck in and then progressively moves to a haunting piano line with melancholy self reflection and finally transitions on to a triumphant ending repeating the line,

"Death no longer can hold me, you no longer control me"

SYMBOLS

Blood: Blood is one of those paradoxical symbols. It represents life and also death. My Resurrection is all about the transition from death to life and if there is a moral of this story it is that there cannot be new life without the death of the old one.

The Wine Glass: This one has a double meaning as well. The wine glass represents the addiction, but did you know that the wine glass also is a symbol of divine healing? It's one of the reasons why Christians drink wine as part of the Eucharist or Communion ceremony. The first Communion was literally Jesus and his friends sharing a meal and a glass of wine before Jesus was executed. It's was a symbol of intimacy that signified a relationship to the divine. In a broader non-religious context "the divine" can be the ideal version of ourselves, who we can become if we let go of the past and allow our shadow selves to die. 

The Female Subject: It's not an angel. It's my spirit emerging from the darkness and into the light. Taking the first step into becoming a better version of myself. Coming out of the wine glass which represents addiction, but also travelling through the wine glass which represents healing. Another way to look at it is that the liquid inside the glass isn't wine. It's blood. Blood that represents the death of my shadow self, but also the birth of my preferred self. Birth by the way is a very bloody process.

You might have noticed that the figure is missing arms and legs. Well that's to show that she's broken and imperfect, but despite the brokenness, she can still triumph over adversity. We don't need to be perfect to be the best version of ourselves, after all we're only human.

Buy this painting!

Fine Art Print Available here https://www.borg-queen-music.com/paintings

MUSIC AND LYRICS

The song could best be described as cinematic progressive goth rock. It tells a story of the transition from death to life. The song can be purchased as part of the album or as a single on my WEBSITE  

For a limited time let's say until midnight on April 29th, I will make My Resurrection available as a FREE DOWNLOAD

My Resurrection

I don’t know what happened
But I must have cracked a mirror
Seven years in Hell with you has somehow brought me here
Staring at the cup that I used to share with you
I could drown myself again, but instead I’m breaking through

I fell for your seduction
I fell down, down, down
You lead me through the gates of Hell
I drown, drown, drown
But I look up just long enough that I can see
There is another way and I choose to live today

Death no longer can hold me
You no longer control me
Death no longer can hold me
You no longer control me

You don’t control me x 6
(You don’t control me) x 4

Laying in this dormant state
I begin to contemplate
Time was ticking, passing by
And here I was about to die
You were winning holding me
But now you’ve lost to destiny

Because my resurrection
Is leading me to insurrection
Now I’m free, free, free
Death no longer can hold me
You no longer control me
Death no longer can hold me
You no longer control me

Because my resurrection
Is leading me to insurrection
Now I’m free, free, free
Death no longer can hold me(You don’t control me)
You no longer control me(You don’t control me)
Death no longer can hold me(You don’t control me)
You no longer control me(You don’t control me)
Because my resurrection
Is leading me to insurrection
Now I’m free

Get My Resurrection for FREE!!!

offer expires April 29th, 2017

Embed for My Resurrection

A Dark And Enlightening Journey: Part 5 of 10

PROJECT OVERVIEW

If you read this blog on any kind of regular basis you probably know that Borg Queen is a multidisciplinary art project where I get to use literally every creative and technical discipline that I've ever been trained in. For each song that I write, I do a painting to visually convey the concept behind the song because the way I look at is that why not use as many mediums as possible to explore all the facets of the idea I'm communicating through sight and sound. My latest album Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles is 10 songs, 10 paintings and 3 music videos telling the story of how I learned the some of the most important lessons in life from working as a stripper. Each post in this series will be a detailed analysis of each song and painting from the album. Today's piece is my musical equivalent of Nine Inch Nails' Hurt(famously covered by Johnny Cash)...The Bottom Of The Glass.

THE BOTTOM OF THE GLASS

The Bottom Of The Glass is the 5th piece in the series and is about hitting rock bottom. The preceding song Hedonist is the in your face revelation of the domestic abuse, pain and dysfunction that I was dealing with at the time by self medicating with drugs and alcohol abuse. The final line of Hedonist

"I need an anesthetic, to numb me to you"

is very purposefully blended in the lyrical sense to the opening line of The Bottom Of The Glass,

"With the last drop of anesthetic I swallow, I see the bottom of the glass"

I wanted to show the relationship between the two songs by reiterating the concept of an anesthetic being used as a form of escapism from a horrific life situation involving domestic violence. The Bottom Of The Glass is the realization that in the process of self medication I was actually killing myself and needed help. At the end of the song is my cry for help...

"Save me from myself, my life, this world of glass, let me have another day outside the glass"

SYMBOLS

The Empty Glass: Empty like my soul, when I hit rock bottom. Transparent, because I was finally being honest with myself as to why I was such a hedonist. The opening of the glass is also not visible to indicate that the subject cannot see a way out of her prison.

The Female Subject: Naked with only her own arms to hold her, cold and alone. Her eyes are closed, meditative and contemplating her fate.

Buy this painting!

Fine Art Print Available here https://www.borg-queen-music.com/paintings

MUSIC AND LYRICS

The song is atmospheric with layers and textures painting a picture with sound. The intent was to create a hauntingly sad song conveying the despair and depression I was experiencing while coming to terms with the magnitude of a mess I had created for myself. The song can be purchased as part of the ablum or as a single on my WEBSITE 

The Bottom Of The Glass

With the last drop of anesthetic I swallow 
I see the bottom of the glass 
I've drowned my pain and killed my joy 
I poured out my soul 
There's nothing left 
I've become this vessel I'm hollow 

There is no tomorrow can't see my past 
I fell into the bottom of the glass 
The party's over, everyone's gone 
I am trapped inside 
No where to go 
Inside this place I'm fading fast 

Death greets me but I don't want to follow 
The end is at the bottom of the glass 

I can't stop drowning myself in this hell I created 
This is no way to live, but I'm not ready to die 
I don't want to die, but I'm killing myself 
I can't face what I've become so I just numb the world away 

I try to look up and see a way out 
Life's still a dim prospect 
With nobody to help me from out of my cage 
I've fallen again 
With each sip I take I throw myself away x4 

I'm waste inside the bottom of the glass 
Will I ever see the light again 
Save me from myself, my life this world of glass 
Let me have another day outside this glass

BUY THE BOTTOM OF THE GLASS

A Dark And Enlightening Journey: Part 4 of 10

PROJECT OVERVIEW

If you read this blog on any kind of regular basis you probably know that Borg Queen is a multidisciplinary art project where I get to use literally every creative and technical discipline that I've ever been trained in. For each song that I write, I do a painting to visually convey the concept behind the song because the way I look at is that why not use as many mediums as possible to explore all the facets of the idea I'm communicating through sight and sound. My latest album Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles is 10 songs, 10 paintings and 3 music videos telling the story of how I learned the some of the most important lessons in life from working as a stripper. Each post in this series will be a detailed analysis of each song and painting from the album. Today's piece is my personal favorite-HEDONIST.

HEDONIST

Hedonist is the fourth piece in the series and is visually and sonically the darkest. The preceding song Little Miss Liquid Courage is a satirical dig at mainstream beauty ideals and while light and pop sounding it hints at something much darker hiding beneath the surface. Hedonist is the revealation of the darkness, pain and dysfunction that I was dealing with at the time by self medicating with various hedonistic vices.

"I'm gonna drink, dance, fuck and snort the pain away"

Hedonist is about 2 abusive relationships that I was in at the time. The first being with myself and the second one was with my husband at the time. In retrospect I know that I attracted a person who was abusive to me because I was abusing myself. I firmly believe that we attract people who are in a similar head space to ourselves. The song is written in the past tense and I wrote it years after the abusive events had occurred as a victim impact statement so I could finally have some closure. I explore the victim impact statement aspect of Hedonist in what is my most popular post by far, The Art Of Sexual Assault.

SYMBOLS

The Suspended Vodka Bottle: It's suspended like and IV indicating that it is being ingested medicinally vs. recreationally

The Female Subject: She's completely dark and has her arms and legs amputated to symbolize that she's a victim of domestic violence.

The Demonic Hands: The demonic hands are the demons and vices that continue to trap the subject in her vicious cycle of abuse. They clutch on to her chest to show that they have a grip on her heart.

The Blood: I use blood as a paradoxical symbol within my work. Blood is life, but it is also death. The blood in this painting is the life draining out of the victim. Notice how her eyes are partially open to indicate that she is conscious of her situation. The blood from her body is also being drained by the tubes attached to her arm and leg stumps. Her very life essence is being sucked out of her.

The "Egg" Incubator: The tubes leading out of the victim are serving a purpose and that is facilitating the growth of her alter ego. If you've experienced addiction personally or have someone close to you who suffers from it, then you know how it transforms a person into a "shadow version" of themselves.

Buy this painting!

Fine Art Print Available here https://www.borg-queen-music.com/paintings

MUSIC AND LYRICS

My intent when writing this song was to tell a story in three different voices. My Preferred Self is the narrator refelcting upon the events that took place. My Shadow Self sings the chorus and My Broken Soul sings the bridge and reveals the depth of despair to which I sank and why I got there. It's a complex song with layers of sound and depth of emotion ranging from sexual euphoria to suicidal depression. This my favorite song on the album and can be purchased as a single or part of the album on my WEBSITE 

Hedonist

I use to be a good girl
I used to really care
But when you came along
Then I began to disappear
Since you think you're God
Then create someone new
Someone better than me
That'll serve only you

Hey You! Look what I've become
I'm your hedonist baby
All I want is to cum
You're getting used
While I'm being abused so
I need an anesthetic x3
To numb me to you

You got what you want
You made me this way
I'm gonna drink, dance, fuck
And snort the pain away
'Cause you got what you want
You made me this way
I'm gonna drink, dance, fuck
And snort the pain away

I must confess that I love the drugs
And I like to fuck, and I don't care who
And that my darling is why I love you

Hey You! Look what I've become
I'm your hedonist baby
All I want is to cum
You're getting used
While I'm being abused so
I need an anesthetic x3
To numb me to you

You got what you want
You made me this way
I'm gonna drink, dance, fuck
And snort the pain away
'Cause you got what you want
You made me this way
I'm gonna drink, dance, fuck
And snort the pain away

I can't take this anymore
There's nothing strong enough to numb me
I'm your whore
You've imprisoned me
In your web of lies
You struck my body
When I carried your child
You violate what's left of me
In every way
So I poison myself
To keep your assaults at bay
But these wounds you inflict
Are bleeding out as I pray
While I still drink dance fuck
And snort the pain away
'Cause there's a hole deep inside me
That you RAPE everyday
So I'll just drink, dance fuck
and snort the pain away

Hey You! Look what I've become
I'm your hedonist baby
All I want is to cum
You're getting used
While I'm being abused so
I need an anesthetic x7
To numb me to you 

BUY HEDONIST

A Dark And Enlightening Journey: Part 3 of 10

PROJECT OVERVIEW

If you read this blog on any kind of regular basis you probably know that Borg Queen is a multidisciplinary art project where I get to use literally every creative and technical discipline that I've ever been trained in. For each song that I write, I do a painting to visually convey the concept behind the song because the way I look at is that why not use as many mediums as possible to explore all the facets of the idea I'm communicating through sight and sound. My latest album Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles is 10 songs, 10 paintings and 3 music videos telling the story of how I learned the some of the most important lessons in life from working as a stripper. Each post in this series will be a detailed analysis of each song and painting from the album. Today's piece is Little Miss Liquid Courage.

LITTLE MISS LIQUID COURAGE

Little Miss Liquid Courage is the third piece in the series and is a continuation of the story. Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles the preceding song and painting is all about being consumed by the hollow pursuit of material wealth and becoming viewed as a fixture within strip club environment rather than an autonomous human being. Little Miss Liquid Courage expands upon the idea of losing ones identity and the pressure to conform to a very specific and unrealistic standard of beauty aka. the "human Barbie." Conforming to the human Barbie look isn't just specific to exotic entertainment, it's a beauty standard perpetuated by western pop culture in general. 

When I first started dancing I was stoked about it! I could make money by hanging out in a bar, having drinks bought for me and entertaining people on stage. As an artschool student in their early 20's it was a seemingly ideal situation for me, until I started to see the dark underbelly and politics of the industry. Because I was very pale skinned, had piercings, red haired and kinda gothy looking I was constantly getting bumped from gig lineups because of my look. My agent informed me that a few tweaks to my appearance would make me more bookable, All I had to do was "soften my look" meaning...take out the piercings, get a tan, dye my hair blond, lose some weight and get some fake tits. Another suggestion they made was to choose music that was less aggressive in nature, in other words dance to top 40 hits. As ashamed as I am to admit it, I took their advice and get a spray tan, dyed my hair, took out the piercings, starved myself and started dancing to music I hated compromising all my artistic integrity as a performer. I even attempted to get breast implants, but thankfully was denied financing because of my student loan situation. I hated myself and spiraled even further into alcohol and cocaine abuse.

Why did I compromise? Money. The fear of not having enough. The fear of being unable to pay for school and not get into a good career and become a failure in life.

SYMBOLS

The Cocktail: It's a Shirley Temple symbolizing youth, feminity and innocence.

The Female Subject: She's blond, tanned, skinny with obviously fake breasts. She's "sacrificing" herself to conform to the blonde bombshell beauty ideal mirroring the lyrics "you're a poser, plastic Barbie doll, platinum blond disgrace."

The Cherry: The pierced cherry symbolizes the loss of innocence, idealism, artistic integrity and becoming corrupted by money.

The Color Palette: I deliberately used pinks and purples because the song is about taking the female gender stereotype to it's extreme. 

Buy this painting!

Fine Art Print Available here https://www.borg-queen-music.com/paintings

MUSIC AND LYRICS

My intent when writing this song was to parody a pop song. I wanted something super catchy and dance-able, but I wanted to throw in a dark sonic undercurrent to show that underneath all the pink glitter and glamour there was a dark disturbing motivation behind the facade. This is probably one of my favorite songs on the album and can be purchased as a single or part of the album on my WEBSITE 

Little Miss Liquid Courage

Little Miss Liquid Courage you know what you are 

You’re a hot piece of flesh sequin clad pseudo rock star 

So strap on your stilettos get your ass on the stage 

And dance your panties off while you’re still all the rage 

Cause you’re a super star 

And they love what you do 

You only get so far 

Cause I hate what you are 

But you’re my Little Miss, Little Miss, 

Little Miss Liquid Courage 

Little Miss Liquid Courage wipe that smile off your face 

You’re a poser plastic Barbie doll platinum blond disgrace 

So pump up your tits they didn’t come to see your face 

Now you’re the perfect picture of female beauty and grace 

Little Miss Liquid Courage it’s time that you know 

What goes on behind that curtain, time for a VIP show 

You don’t have to get him off, just make him grow 

And then he’ll buy you a drink and even pay for your blow 

Cause you’re his super star 

And he loves what you do 

You only get so far 

Cause he hates what you are 

But You’re his Little Miss, Little Miss, 

But You’re his Little Miss, Little Miss, 

Little Miss Liquid Courage you know what you 

You’re a star, you’re a star 

Yes you are, yes you are 

And you’re my Little Miss, Little Miss, 

Little Miss Liquid Courage 

Liquid Courage x 3 

BUY LITTLE MISS LIQUID COURAGE

A Dark And Enlightening Journey: Part 1 of 10

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

If you read this blog on any kind of regular basis you probably know that Borg Queen is a multidisciplinary art project where I get to use literally every creative and technical discipline that I've ever been trained in. One of the reasons I named the project "Borg Queen" is in reference to a line from the movie Star Trek: First Contact where the borg queen character is first introduced. Data asks the queen who she is and she says to him, "I am the one who is many." In this project I, Jenny Kirby, am the one who is many. In the musical realm am a composer, lyricist, singer, instrumentalist, producer and audio engineer. For live and video performances I'm an actor, choreographer, dancer, character designer, costume designer, set designer, scenic artist, storyboard artist, makeup artist, prop maker, set dresser and art director. For the visual component of what I do ie. the paintings I am of course a painter and digital artist as well as an entrepreneur with a business education background. So, you could say I wear a LOT of hats and use a combination of traditional and digital media and tools to create worlds. Because I am the one who is many and my technique is all about merging the organic with the synthetic I feel Borg Queen is an effective metaphor. Plus, I'm a huge Trekkie.

OVERVIEW

For each song that I write, I do a painting to visually convey the concept behind the song because the way I look at is that why not use as many mediums as possible to explore all the facets of the idea I'm communicating through sight and sound. My latest album Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles is 10 songs, 10 paintings and 3 music videos telling the story of how I learned the some of the most important lessons in life from working as a stripper. Each post in this series will be a detailed analysis of each song and painting from Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles.

THIS IS REAL

This Is Real is about harsh reality that slaps you in the face during early adulthood. It's about the crushing weight of responsibility and that moment reality sets in and you realize that despite having, goals, talent, ambition and even a plan, there are circumstances out of your control and things rarely go according to plan. It's about shattered dreams, disillusionment and ultimately trying to cope with depression and anxiety when you feel like you're utterly failing in life. You start to feel like despite all your hard work you're not getting ahead or you're not getting to where you want to be in life fast enough. You question yourself. You lose faith. You lose hope and your youthful optimism dies.  In my case I turned to drugs and alcohol to cope and thought that if only I had enough money then I could solve my problems and get to where I want to be.

SYMBOLS

The painting is laced with visual symbols some of them with double meaning like the coins over the eyes that not only represent death, but also being blinded by the pursuit of material wealth. The smashed pumpkin and shattered glass slippers represent broken dreams and shattered idealism. In other words coming to grips with reality when your fairytale vision of how you think your adult life is going to be doesn't quite work out. The images of the shattered dreams are purposefully placed above the subjects head to show that she is being crushed the weight pressures of adult responsibility.  The bloodied feet are walking a painful path as the blood spills out and drips down into a wine glass which is part of the main subjects arm representing drinking your sorrow. The subject is emaciated looking on purpose to show that she is spiritually bankrupt and her only salvation is money.

This Is Real

Fine art print available here https://www.borg-queen-music.com/paintings

LYRICS & MUSIC

The song can be purchased as a single or part of the album on my WEBSITE

This Is Real

This ain’t no fairy tale (This is real) 

A riches to rags story (This is real) 

Cinderella used to be queen x 2 

But now her glass slippers are shattered 

Her ball gown is torn and tattered 

Dark voices start to whisper inside of her head 

Prince Charming is that slob snoring beside her in bed 

And all seems lost that ever mattered 

This ain’t a fairy tale (This is real) 

A riches to rags story (This is real) 

Cinderella used to be queen x 2 

But now her glass slippers are shattered 

Her ball gown is torn and tattered 

Before he came along 

She used to follow her dreams 

But now she sits in silence 

And just swallows her screams 

And all seems lost x 4 

Her God, her God she has forsaken 

She’s been consumed her soul is taken 

Mammon is her saviour now (He’s her only comfort) x2 

Money is god and he’s demanding his sacrifice x 4 

I don’t know what to do any more 

I’ve given up my dreams cause they just won’t come true 

My fairy godmother’s a myth and I hope you are too.(This ain’t no fairy tale) 

I don’t know what to do any more 

I’ve given up my dreams cause they just won’t come true 

My fairy godmother’s a myth and I hope you are too. .(This ain’t no fairy tale) 

I don’t know what to do any more 

I’ve given up my dreams cause they just won’t come true 

My fairy godmother’s a myth and I hope you are too. .(This ain’t no fairy tale) 

Too Many Fucking Hats!

In any business there's a game to be played if you want to get ahead. Music is definitely no exception. Artistically speaking I already wear a bajillion and one hats being a singer/songwriter/composer/instrumentalist/producer/engineer and that's just the musical aspect of what I do with my project Borg Queen. There's also the visual component of my project that has me working as a one woman art department making music videos with production qualities way higher than I really need to in this game called the music biz. Don't get me wrong I love working on all the artistic stuff, and even the technical aspects of it are fascinating and extremely rewarding. I'm not bitching about that at all.

What get's to me is having to promote myself. Social media is the worst. I'm not a social creature, and while I do enjoy getting public recognition for my art because it's something I'm proud of, I hate seeking attention for the sake of getting attention. However, that is part of the game now. I can't JUST be a talented artist, get a record deal and sit in my ivory tower making music while my label promotes me. Those days are gone. Even signed artists have to play the game. Mind you most of the really established ones have someone managing their social media for them.

It's a different game in many ways now, but something that hasn't changed is that it still is all about who you know. One of the best ways of getting "discovered" or just looking credible is getting some press. But how do you get press? The easy, effective but expensive way is to hire a publicist. Not really an option for me right now given that I spent all my money on creating super high quality content and crazy elaborate music videos.

So here I am wearing yet another hat writing press releases and submitting my music to every blogger that covers my genre, that's also linked to Hype Machine. Hype Machine if you're wondering is a very popular music blog aggregator, and if you get your shit on there, then larger publications start taking notice. So, the bottom line is you wanna get yourself some press and get on Hype Machine, so you can get even better press and have MORE people notice you. It's like being in high school all over again. Needless to say I didn't really give a shit about being popular in high school because I was too busy being an artist. Now, I'm too busy trying to be popular plugging my new album that I haven't had enough time to be an artist.

So there's my rant. I don't like wearing all these hats. I just want to be an artist, make music, make cool videos and perform. In case you were wondering what I needed the press for, it's my new album Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles that you can pre order by clicking on the image below.

If you buy it, I promise to use the money to hire a publicist so that I can return to doing what I do best...creating.

Jesus Would Not Approve

I recently caught wind through the magic of social media that some of my conservative Christian relatives are intentionally trying to sabotage my crowdfunding efforts on Indiegogo by imploring family members to not contribute. 

Preorder my album Sex, Drugs 
& Shiny Brass Poles  through 
my campaign here. Just select the 
$10 digital album perk or the $25 signed CD 
perk and receive  your copy weeks 
before the official release!

The fact that my art disturbs old people is actually a huge compliment. I'm kinda enjoying my Marilyn Manson moment, or I would be if the attack wasn't so personal. This isn't just some group of conservative nut jobs that's never met me and regularly crusades against several other artists who's content the deem to be objectionable. This is my family saying, "not only am I not supporting you, but I wish failure upon you so I'm going out of my way to get the rest of the family to turn their backs on you too." This type of attack is intentional, targeted and personal.
I've written a rebuttal to the relative(s) who feels that it is their moral duty to dissuade me from trying to make a career out of doing something I love. I'm writing it in Christianese as I'm hoping that maybe if I speak their language we might be able to find some common ground.

Dear family member(s),

I understand that you are person of conviction and live your life according to a moral code. I can appreciate and respect that as I too have strong convictions and a code of ethics that I try to live by. I also understand that the Bible and the teachings of Jesus are the basis of your moral code. So let's talk about that. I'm pretty well versed in the Bible and believe it or not I hold the teachings of Jesus in the highest regard. In fact, there are a lot of parallels between what's said in the Bible and what I'm saying in my album Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles. I know that the title might be a little scary because of the word "sex" but let's not forget that the Bible has a bunch of stories about all kinds of sexual scenarios including rape, incest and adultery. There's lessons to be learned from these stories, just as there are lessons to be learned from the story I am telling through my music and art. A lot of the lessons are even biblical. My song We're All Whores is a shining example of this.

It's about how everyone is a "whore" because we all have done something for money that we haven't wanted to do, but we've done it just for the money.

"...we all have a price that someone will pay...you and me are a commodity and we're all whores in our own unique way"  ~ We're All Whores

The message of the song is not to judge because we are all guilty of selling out on some level and making money our priority

.

"...so don't judge me you know you have no right because we're all precious little whores in God's sight. Look inside yourself what do you see? You're a whore too, you know you're just like me..." ~ We're All Whores

Maybe you're not convinced yet that the message is biblical? Well, here's some Scripture to back it up.

On all of us being guilty:
Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."

On your right to judge me:
John 8:7 "...'Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone'..."

On making moral judgements against others:
Luke 6:37 "...'Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned'..."

I'm just reiterating what Jesus said. Speaking of which, there's this pretty famous quote of his that most people who live by a code of ethics aspire to live their lives by. You may have heard of it. 

It's called The Golden Rule:

Luke 6:31 "Do to others as you would have them do to you."

Matthew 7:12 "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."

So based on this very core Christian principle, I ask why would you intentionally sabotage me? If you were starting a business would you appreciate it if I went to other family members and asked them not to support your efforts? Your argument may be that you simply do not support the work that I do based on moral objections and you are simply standing by your convictions. Well that's fine, but let me give you a parallel example. Let's say that I'm a vegan and you are opening up a steakhouse. I morally object to the consumption of meat and will not under any circumstance support a business that profits because of the slaughter of animals. These are deeply held moral beliefs of mine because I feel that the way animals are raised and slaughtered is inhumane. However, there are other family members who do eat meat and would likely support my business. If I go around to them and tell them not to support specifically your restaurant, it is now a personal attack because I am not telling them not to eat meat, but specifically telling them not to eat meat from your restaurant. My intent is no longer that of altruism, but of maliciousness.

The real irony is that in your moral "Christian" crusade against my overtly sexual artistic content, you have broken God's law. I'm guessing that Jesus would not approve of your condemnation anymore than he did 2000 years ago when the Pharisees tried stoning a woman to death for her sexual transgressions.

You're attacks on me are clearly rooted in a place of ignorance and fear. You don't know anything about my art nor have you ever taken the time to talk to me about it. You seem to just want to discourage me from creating it and spreading it to people who can be positively impacted by it. By the way, I forgive you just as Jesus forgave the people who executed him because, "you know not what you do." 

Sincerely,

Jenny

I just want to make it clear that I am not in anyway trashing on people who hold strong moral beliefs religious or otherwise, nor am I encouraging anyone to do so. Your beliefs don't make you a good person, your actions do. Unfortunately because none of us are perfect we will never be a good person 100% of the time, and sometimes we will use our beliefs to justify our shitty behavior. 

Art Therapy

"..the painting is a really crucial part of the artistic process for me. I helps me organize my ideas and visually convey the concept behind every song."

I'm offering prints of my paintings as perks as part of my crowdfunding campaign

In my project Borg Queen I wear many hats. Having a career where I can use as many of my skills as possible and be creative has been a lifelong goal of mine. I knew I could never be content just doing one thing. I have to do all the things! The trouble was that I could never find a "job" where I could do that. When people ask me what I do I'm reluctant to tell them that, "I bring complex psychological concepts to life through as many artistic disciplines as possible" because it makes me sound like a pretentious douche, BUT that's exactly what I do. Most of the time I just tell them I'm an artist or a musician and that will usually segway into a conversation about all the shit that I do within this project that I call Borg Queen.

Today's post isn't about everything I do because that would make for an extremely long post, and who has time these days to read something longer than 5 paragraphs with all that other click bait you have to get to. Today's focus is the paintings that I create for every song that I write. Doing the painting is a really crucial part of the artistic process for me. I helps me organize my ideas and visually convey the concept behind every song.

My album Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles is 10 songs and 10 paintings that tell a true story of why I fell into addiction and how I found my way out. SDSBP is a coming of age story set in a strip club. Each song is a life lesson or insight I gained from working as a stripper. The first 5 songs are written from my perspective as an addict who had lost all hope and put her faith in money. The turning point in the album is when I have a spiritual awakening and the last 5 songs are written from my perspective as a woman who has come into her own and discovered her life purpose despite still being a stripper.

Track List & Paintings

Prints of all the paintings are being offered as perks through my current crowdfunding campaign on Indigogo https://igg.me/at/SexDrugsAlbum

1. This Is Real – 

It’s a reverse Cinderella story. It’s about having being a young adult with goals, hopes and ambitions, but having them destroyed by circumstances beyond control like illness, a bad economy and death. It’s about the huge mistake a lot of young people make which is making money a priority in life. I foolishly thought that money would solve all my problems and give me comfort, but when it didn’t I became depressed and turned to alcohol and drugs.

2. Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles – 

In short it’s about the trap of greed that a lot of strippers fall into. You get so obsessed with making money that you lose perspective and fall into a vicious cycle of making a bunch of money, but spending it as fast as you make and never getting ahead.

3. Little Miss Liquid Courage – 

It’s about me selling out to the playboy standard of beauty so I could make more money as a stripper. There’s a tremendous amount of pressure in the exotic entertainment industry to make yourself look as close to humanly possible as a Barbie Doll just so you can make more money. Sadly, I succumbed to that pressure and hated myself for it.

4. Hedonist: The Birth Of Venus Demilo – 

It’s about me coping with domestic abuse by turning to various forms of hedonism that were in turn killing me. My hedonist lifestyle took over my personality and eventually transformed me into the alter ego that I was playing on stage.

5. The Bottom Of The Glass –

 It’s about hitting rock bottom as an addict, being totally alone and just crying out to anyone or anything that will listen.

6. My Resurrection – 

It’s the turning point and about facing my demons of greed, abuse and addiction and telling them that they no longer control me.

7. It’s Over – 

It’s a break up song about my abusive relationship with my addictions.

8. We’re All Whores – 

It’s an insight that I had when a customer basically called me a whore for taking my clothes off for money. We all have a price. We’re all a commodity. We’ve all done something for money that we wouldn’t have done otherwise. Therefore, we’re all whores.

9. Lapdance Romance – 

When you’re a stripper you’re not supposed to fall for the customers, but it ended up happening to me. I tried to deny my feelings for him, but I couldn’t so I took a chance, gave up control and allowed myself to fall in love.

10. Imago Dei – 

It’s Latin for image of God. It’s about being a stripper and a person of faith at the same time.

Prints available through my Indigogo crowdfund here

A Whore No More!

I'm a whore. Now, I know that you may be thinking...

What the fuck?
Really?
Why would you even admit that?
That's not something you should be flaunting online for the world to see!

While I'm not someone who exchanges sex for money, I am a big old whore nonetheless. For the past few years I've earned an income as an interior designer and I absolutely HATE it. I dread going to work everyday. I dread dealing with clients, and I hate the industry in general. I just do it for the money.

I feel degraded every time I have to absorb my client's rants, complaints and verbal abuse, and I just  want to scream at them, 

"YOUR HOUSE IS JUST A THING! RENOVATING IT ISN'T GOING TO FILL THE VOID IN YOUR LIFE, AND IT WON'T MAKE YOU HAPPY! JUST BE GRATEFUL THAT YOU HAVE SHELTER AND THE FINANCIAL MEANS TO IMPROVE IT!!!!" 

But I can't. It's not good for business, and the bottom line is... the bottom dollar. That is why I am a whore. I've let the bottom dollar control my life and it's made me miserable.

There is a light in all of this though. My life purpose is to create music and art and hopefully touch other peoples lives through my creations. I've decided to give up my "daytime whore job" as I've come to call it and dedicate my 9-5 time to making music and art full time! This is a huge leap of faith on my part because I'll be relying on my night job which is mostly tips to sustain me financially. I have faith and I am going to trust that all my financial needs will be met. 

I'm not religious, but I do believe that there is a Higher Power that will help me along my life path, and as long as I am being who I am supposed to be then I will be blessed in my endeavors.It's hard for me to admit sometimes that I am a person of faith because a lot of people will automatically label me as a religious kook. There's an extremely negative stigma associated with religion and it's hard for some to wrap their mind around the fact that one can have faith and not be religious. 

However, I digress, this post wasn't supposed to be about religion vs. faith, it was about me publicly announcing that I AM A WHORE NO MORE! What really excites me about this is that I'll be able to get so much more done, so much faster which means that you won't have to wait as long for the release of my album and music videos! In the meantime I'm offering a preview of a rough mix for We're All Whores which will be one of the tracks on my upcoming album. It sums up perfectly the trap that I think we all succumb to at some point in our lives.

Album Update!

As many of you may know when it comes to my studio recordings, I'm essentially a one woman show. I write, record and produce everything myself with the exception of having a studio engineer when I'm recording vocals. It has it's set of advantages for sure. I get to have full creative control and don't have to deal with all the ego competition that goes along with having a band or butting heads with a producer over creative differences.

The disadvantage of doing everything myself is that it takes a lot longer.  I now finally have all of the vocals recorded, but now I am faced with the daunting task of having to edit vocals and pitch correct everything. It's hours, upon hours of mind numbing tedious work, and when I close my eyes at night all I see is waveforms. Don't get me wrong though, I love a challenge, and it's a great learning experience, and the more I do it the faster and better I get at it.

The good news is that all my hard work is paying off because I do have the vast majority of my rough mixes done for the album. I've decided to share a couple of my mixes with you. I've heard that it's a big no-no to post unfinished work on the interwebs, but I've never been one to follow the rules so, here's a couple previews of what I've been working on so far. Bare in mind they are ROUGH mixes so all the shit that gets done to them to make them broadcast quality hasn't been done yet.

The Origin Of Borg Queen

As I look back over the past 8 years I'm amazed at how something that began as an art therapy project has snowballed into this elaborate multi-media multi-disciplinary integrated art and music project I've named Borg Queen.

8 years ago I decided to get sober and that involved making some huge changes in my life which included leaving an abusive relationship. At the time I was working as a stripper after deciding the I just didn't want to use my artistic abilities to make video games. I know, sounds like a cool job right? Well, it was OK, and definitely a great learning experience, but I just wasn't passionate about it. So when my contract ended I fell back on my old stand by means of making money- exotic entertainment.

Some of you might be asking yourselves, isn't exotic entertainment just a PC or elaborate way of saying stripper? Yes, and no, but for me as an artist and performer I really truly enjoy entertaining people, and getting naked honestly just isn't that big of a deal to me. So for me, I consider my form of "Naked Halloween" to be exotic entertainment.

At that point in my life when this all began, I was just taking it "one day at a time" as the old recovery mantra goes, so I was just really grateful to be alive, free of abuse and sober. What I started to realize in my new sober state of mind was that my greatest educational experience was the lessons I was learning from being a strip...uh, I mean exotic dancer. No, seriously. Working in strip clubs has allowed me to study psychology, sociology, anthropology, business, economics, performance art and feminist studies all while making a decent wage.

I needed to do something to keep myself sane and sober between shows, so I decided to do a series of paintings based on the life lessons I was learning from my experiences as a dancer. What I didn't expect that while I was spreading the paint across the canvas was that I would start to hear music and chain together lyrics. I hadn't touched a music instrument in several years, but I dusted off my guitar and started writing songs again. I soon graduated to a USB keyboard and software synths. I named my little project Borg Queen because I love Star Trek and I felt that cyborgs are a great metaphor for what I do as an artist by merging organic and synthetic mediums.

Before I knew it I had written 10 songs and done 10 paintings! I'm calling this compilation of songs and paintings Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles. It's been in the works for a long time now, but the end is in sight, productionwise anyway. So far, I've released a single and music video Lapdance Romance, and I'm really looking forward to the release of this album. I'm hesitant to give out any firm dates yet, but SOON...

Album Art For Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles