This Is Real is a "reverse Cinderalla" story. It's the story of how I went from riches to rags by making money my god. Often as we enter adulthood we start to realize that life doesn't quite turn out how we expect it to, despite our best efforts. This can leave us disillusioned and angry, and we start think in terms of "if only" scenarios. If only I had a relationship. If only I had made this decision and not that one. If only I had more money. For me, it was, "if only I had more money, I could fix my problems."
This Is Real - a painting and song by Jenny Kirby. Listen to the instrumental backing track here |
My problems at the time were that I was in an abusive relationship where I was financially dependent on my abuser because I was a student, and my dad's health was failing. I figured that if I could make enough money then I could afford my living expenses, school and help pay for better medical care for my dad. I took a job as an exotic dancer to make some extra cash thinking that I'd be able to achieve my goals with all of my extra dancing money that I'd be making and THEN I'd be happy.
Little Miss Liquid Courage is about succumbing to the pressure to change my appearance to be the ideal "Barbie" in order to make more money as an exotic entertainer. When I first started dancing, I was pale red-haired goth with a small breasts. The criticisms I received from the booking agents were that they could get me more consistent work and a higher show price from the clubs if, I lost some weight, got a tan, dyed my hair blond and got some breast implants. Thankfully, my credit was so shot from my student load debt that I was turned down for financing for my boobs, but I did go get myself that fake tan and dyed my hair platinum blond. I gave up my unique look and tried to fit the cookie cutter mold of feminine beauty for more money.
Little Miss Liquid Courage - a painting and song by Jenny Kirby. Listen to the instrumental backing track here |
Needless to say I'm older and wiser now, and have learned that money doesn't buy happiness, less stress or make a person successful. Living out your life's purpose by using what's been given whether it be your time, energy, talent or money and sharing what you've been blessed with to those around you will make you happy. I get to do what I love and share it with the world every day, and that is NOW my definition of success.
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