Album Art: The Story Behind Little Miss Liquid Courage & This Is Real

With the imminent December 2014 release of my album Sex, Drugs, & Shiny Brass Poles I've had to kick things into high gear. Today I managed to get the cover art for two songs done. Both have the central theme of money. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against money or rich people and the purpose of my songs and paintings for This Is Real and Little Miss Liquid Courage are not to say money is evil, but rather to tell my personal story of how making money my first priority in life did not bring happiness, success or material wealth. In fact, the moment I made money my top priority was the first step of my downward spiral to becoming a broke, depressed failure.

This Is Real is a "reverse Cinderalla" story. It's the story of how I went from riches to rags by making money my god. Often as we enter adulthood we start to realize that life doesn't quite turn out how we expect it to, despite our best efforts. This can leave us disillusioned and angry, and we start think in terms of "if only" scenarios. If only I had a relationship. If only I had made this decision and not that one. If only I had more money. For me, it was, "if only I had more money, I could fix my problems."

This Is Real - a painting and song by Jenny  Kirby. Listen to the instrumental backing track here

My problems at the time were that I was in an abusive relationship where I was financially dependent on my abuser because I was a student, and my dad's health was failing. I figured that if I could make enough money then I could afford my living expenses, school and help pay for better medical care for my dad. I took a job as an exotic dancer to make some extra cash thinking that I'd be able to achieve my goals with all of my extra dancing money that I'd be making and THEN I'd be happy.

Little Miss Liquid Courage is about succumbing to the pressure to change my appearance to be the ideal "Barbie" in order to make more money as an exotic entertainer. When I first started dancing, I was pale red-haired goth with a small breasts. The criticisms I received from the booking agents were that they could get me more consistent work and a higher show price from the clubs if, I lost some weight, got a tan, dyed my hair blond and got some breast implants. Thankfully, my credit was so shot from my student load debt that I was turned down for financing for my boobs, but I did go get myself that fake tan and dyed my hair platinum blond. I gave up my unique look and tried to fit the cookie cutter mold of feminine beauty for more money.

Little Miss Liquid Courage - a painting and song by Jenny Kirby. Listen to the instrumental backing track here

Needless to say I'm older and wiser now, and have learned that money doesn't buy happiness, less stress or make a person successful. Living out your life's purpose by using what's been given whether it be your time, energy, talent or money and sharing what you've been blessed with to those around you will make you happy. I get to do what I love and share it with the world every day, and that is NOW my definition of success.

You can't win 'em all... Or can you?

As an artist, my work whether it be a song, a painting or performance is always going to be subject to subjective opinion. Not everybody will appreciate or even think that my art is good. My own grandmother thinks that my paintings are horrible and not "good" art. Mind you, she's one of those people who only likes paintings of fruit in bowls and landscapes. *barf*


Does that mean that I've failed as an artist? No, but the real question is should I view my artistic "failures" with the attitude that "You can't win 'em all?"


I used to think so. In fact, that's how I would comfort myself if my work didn't "speak" to someone or my art was rejected from a gallery, or I didn't get the role I auditioned for, or didn't win the contest I entered. However, now I've started viewing my own artistic endeavors from a different perspective. If my art is to be viewed subjectively, then why not view my art career subjectively? Now, every time I create something I view it as a win. The mere fact that I overcame the inital fear of failure the precedes the artistic process is a win in itself.


For example, in the past couple of weeks, I submitted myself for 10 films. Out of that, I got 5 auditions, and out of that I was definitely rejected for 2 of the roles, I rejected one because the producer was a chump, I'm still waiting to hear back from one production and finally, one director absolutely loved my work and my look, so she hired me. I could look at this like I won 1 out of 5 or my success rate is 20%, but why should I? After all, I was prepared for each audition, I brought my best work to the table and I showed up and did my job as an actor which was show the casting directors their options for casting the role. Whether or not they thought I was "right" for the role is totally out of my hands.

Another even better example is that I submitted myself to The Peak Perfomance Project which is a music contest on 100.5FM The Peak. In total I believe there were 740 entries and the top 20 would all go on to "rock n' roll bootcamp," recieve several thousands of dollars and get hooked up with indsutry professionals so they could further their careers, not to mention they'd get a whole bunch of radio play as well. I was hopeful so I kept my fingers crossed, but alas I recieved the standard mass rejection email that was sent to all 720 of us losers. The winning side of all of this was that I regularily post my new songs on my facebook page and my biggest highschool crush(who I pined over for 7 years) happened to listen my stuff. He sent me the longest message telling me how amazing and talented I was!

So I didn't get to go to Rock N' Roll Bootcamp, but I impressed the hell out of my highschool crush. Really when you get down to it, isn't that what being a rockstar is all about?

Frustration - A Journal Entry

Frustration! Seems like it's been the running theme of my life lately, and it's all come to a head now. The dog bites to the left side of my body are the icing on the bad medical luck cake that I've been force fed as of late. I've been suffering from some kind of neurological condition which has been very painful, but no definiative diagnosis yet. I'm not sure whats happening to me and so far neither are the doctors I've seen, but they've been tossing around ideas that range anywhere from stress, zoster sine herpete (shingles with no rach), post viral neuralgia, MS and brain tumors. Not only is the pain excruciating at times, but because I don't know which condition I have, I tend to think the worst. I've been mentally preparing myself for the worst.

Sometimes I'm entirely convinced that I don't have a lot of time left. I then comfort myself by telling myself that no one really knows how much time they actually have left. I could go out today with my family and be killed in a car accident 5 min. from my house.

I'm also just feeling so pissed off with myself for not working on anything music or art related for the past few days. I had big plans that involved painting a picture for Dan's birthday present, and recording some vocals and mixing a song, making and uploading some more videos for my YouTube channel http://www.youtube.com/user/BorgQueenMusic. I did none of it!!!!!! Arghhhhhhh!!!! I'm vowing to myself to at least record the vocals tommorrow.

I feel like I'm going nowhere sometimes, and I'm racing against time because I fear that I'll either be dead or not young and beautiful enough that anyone will care to be entertained by me. It's killing me literally, according to my faithful, loving life partner Dan. I wish I didn't care sometimes. I wish I wasn't so driven sometimes, but then I wouldn't be me and I'd sit at home all day watching Spongebob Squarepants while laughing at the misfortunes of others on epicfail.com, which hilariously enough in itself would qualify as an "Epic Fail."

I hope to God that tommorrow is a new day motivationally and inspirationally speaking, and I can just get on with my day and not worry about whether or not I will succeed in this life as far as an artistic career is concerned. It's frustrating me to no end. I'm going to attempt to relax and not think about being sick, or in pain, or success, or financial concerns, or fear of failure, because I am blessed. I have Dan's love whether or not I paint him pictures and my wonderful son Soren who thinks I'm the coolest person ever. That's what I'm going to focus on today, and nothing else.