The Spark. The Layers. The Release.

As a multidisciplinary artist who paints and writes songs, one of the most common questions I get is, "What comes first, the painting or the song?" The answer is neither. It's the concept that comes to me first. It's a spark that flashes within my mind and I feel compelled to communicate it as thoroughly as possible. Sometimes I'll write about it first, and other times I'll work on the visual aspect of it depending on my mood. There's so many layers to an idea and when I create it's through layers of paint and sound. Each layer has meaning and is an integral part to the entire piece.

This most recent series of paintings and songs is all about the layers. On the surface Blood Sweat Tears is woman venting about how her marriage and family life is falling to pieces and how she's coping through violent sex and workaholism. Deeper down it's about how we have a preferred self and a shadow self. When we face loss or some kind of tragedy we often revert to a shadow version of ourselves as a coping mechanism. 

My shadow self is something that I explore through my songs and artwork. In a way it's a confession of all the horrible feelings I held inside for years because I didn't want to let go. I called this series of paintings Blood Sweat Tears because it really is a wonderful symbol of the creative process. Blood is representative of life and intimacy. It's the fuel that feeds the creative spark. Sweat is the process of crafting all the layers and organizing them into songs and paintings. Tears are the release. Once the idea has been meticulously crafted, it's time to let it go into the world. It's a literal release of material into the marketplace, but also a form of closure to a chapter of my life.

If you've been following my progress for the past year or so, you should be aware that I'm mixing my literal blood, sweat & tears into my artwork. I've posted a few videos here and there of my process. To extract my sweat I would engage in a sweaty activity and then use paper towel to dry myself off. I then would then puree the sweat soaked paper towel in a blender and add the pulp to my sculpting medium. I essentially used the same process for the tears. To make myself cry I would watch the Star Trek: TNG episode 'The Inner Light,' which is the one where Picard lives an entire lifetime in 20 minutes. I challenge you to watch it and not cry.

Here's a video of my sweat extraction process.

Extracting blood, was something I agonized over a bit. I debated using menstrual blood, but decided against it mostly because I wanted "pure blood" free of all the other stuff that comes along with period blood like uterine lining, vaginal mucus and bits of tampon. I considered cutting myself, but I didn't want to promote self-harm in any way. Finally I found out that one of my friends draws his own blood when ever he has to give a sample for medical purposes, so I asked him if he'd be willing to help me out. By far this ended up being the best option because not only is it safe and sterile, but the viles are vacuum sealed and the blood stays fresh.

Here's a video of my blood extraction and the method I used to incorporate it into the painting.

It took several days to complete my first piece which is longer than it normal takes me if I'm just doing a painting. I had to wait for the plaster to dry between layers and I'm this was my first attempt at sculpting.

The end result was pretty cool. My "release" of the painting is me reciting the lyrics to the song as a dramatic monologue. Call me old school, but I believe words are very important in songwriting.

Here's the finished painting with my recitation of the lyrics.

I'm still running my pre-order campaign through Pledge Music and prints of the artwork as well as the EP are still available for pre-order until March 19th.

PRE ORDER TODAY!!!

Too Many Fucking Hats!

In any business there's a game to be played if you want to get ahead. Music is definitely no exception. Artistically speaking I already wear a bajillion and one hats being a singer/songwriter/composer/instrumentalist/producer/engineer and that's just the musical aspect of what I do with my project Borg Queen. There's also the visual component of my project that has me working as a one woman art department making music videos with production qualities way higher than I really need to in this game called the music biz. Don't get me wrong I love working on all the artistic stuff, and even the technical aspects of it are fascinating and extremely rewarding. I'm not bitching about that at all.

What get's to me is having to promote myself. Social media is the worst. I'm not a social creature, and while I do enjoy getting public recognition for my art because it's something I'm proud of, I hate seeking attention for the sake of getting attention. However, that is part of the game now. I can't JUST be a talented artist, get a record deal and sit in my ivory tower making music while my label promotes me. Those days are gone. Even signed artists have to play the game. Mind you most of the really established ones have someone managing their social media for them.

It's a different game in many ways now, but something that hasn't changed is that it still is all about who you know. One of the best ways of getting "discovered" or just looking credible is getting some press. But how do you get press? The easy, effective but expensive way is to hire a publicist. Not really an option for me right now given that I spent all my money on creating super high quality content and crazy elaborate music videos.

So here I am wearing yet another hat writing press releases and submitting my music to every blogger that covers my genre, that's also linked to Hype Machine. Hype Machine if you're wondering is a very popular music blog aggregator, and if you get your shit on there, then larger publications start taking notice. So, the bottom line is you wanna get yourself some press and get on Hype Machine, so you can get even better press and have MORE people notice you. It's like being in high school all over again. Needless to say I didn't really give a shit about being popular in high school because I was too busy being an artist. Now, I'm too busy trying to be popular plugging my new album that I haven't had enough time to be an artist.

So there's my rant. I don't like wearing all these hats. I just want to be an artist, make music, make cool videos and perform. In case you were wondering what I needed the press for, it's my new album Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles that you can pre order by clicking on the image below.

If you buy it, I promise to use the money to hire a publicist so that I can return to doing what I do best...creating.

We're All Whores: Sneak Preview

I am so beyond the moon excited for this music video! This was so much fun to shoot and I just couldn't wait to share this little snippet with you. I'm giving away a free copy of this song on my website. Just follow this link and enter your email in the form to get your copy of We're All Whores.

I'm A Dress Up Whore

I love costumes! I love dressing up! I love escaping the mundane drudgery of everyday life by becoming a character of my own design. 

Growing up in an ultra conservative religious environment meant that Halloween was strictly off limits for me among many other fun things including secular music, all the good TV shows and movies. On top of it all, I went to a private school where we wore the most hideous unflattering uniforms imaginable. Yellow sweater vests with a below the knee pleated gray skirt, I kid you not. It was the worst!!! Now I'm not writing this as a "woe is me, I had such a deprived childhood kind of post," but rather to provide some context for my addiction to designing, making and wearing of costumes in every avenue of my personal and professional life.

My first costume making attempt was in my tweens. Madonna ruled as the queen of pop music and was sporting her Jean-Paul Gaultier iconic cone bra. She looked so powerful and sexy, and I fell in love with that image. I wanted to be that powerful sexy woman entertaining the masses so I figured that making myself a metal cone bra would be a good place to start. I woke up early one morning and busted out some tin foil and attempted to make one. As I was placing the cones over my non-boobs my mom caught me and freaked out. She scolded me on my lewd creation and asked me where I would even get such an idea. I didn't want to tell her that Madonna had inspired me as I figured that admitting to being a fan of secular pop star would get me into even more trouble.

Looking back on it now I'd say that my repressed childhood is probably what spawned the creative and apologetically sexual monster that I am today. 

It wasn't a conscious rebellion by any means. I wasn't just like "fuck society, I'm just going to make myself  into the biggest weirdo I possibly can be." I've just always loved being theatrical with the presentation of my art. As a child escaping into the worlds I got to create through theatre and dance were a form of therapy for me and it was through those characters that I felt I could express facets of myself that would otherwise be chastised by authority figures or my peers.

Even as a stripper I always was conscious of creating a fantasy character for the audience. I know that in all reality all most of the guys really cared about was getting to see me naked, but getting into a sexy character is liberating and that sexual energy transfers on to the audience. I didn't get into stripping to rebel against my conservative upbringing, but it certainly has been a creatively therapeutic experience not to mention a great way to fund my artistic pursuits. Not surprisingly my artistic pursuits invlove designing characters, making costumes and dressing up.

Here's are some of my favourite costumes that I've designed for my music videos. Some of which I am offering as perks in my current crowdfunding campaign here.

We're All Whores Music Video Costumes

I was super stoked for this particular costume because it was my childhood dream of owning a cone bra come true. I even rigged the nipples to squirt "crude oil" as an enviro political statement against the greed driven oil industry that is one of the biggest whore machines out there.

This steampunk cyborg costume is available as a perk on Indigogo

Behold, the aftermath of the cone bra!

Our "Shiny Pretty Whore" costumes that are a seductive green, the color of money.

Hedonist Music Video Costumes

Hedonist is defintely my most ambitious music video both as a concept and a production. It's 4 separate sets and sequences with several costume changes. I'm offering the victorian lingere set that I'm wearing in the still below as another crowdfunding perk. 

My distressed Victorian lingerie is being offered as one of my Indigogo crowdfunding perks here.

The Victorian ballgown-fetishwear costume was designed by me, but the latex and PVC pieces were made by Jenni Wong at Deadly Couture in Vancouver. BC. 

I did however construct the dress cage as seen below.

I will be updating perks and adding additional costume pieces to the campaign. 

Check out the campaign at https://igg.me/at/SexDrugsAlbum

If you see anything that you'd like to have as a perk for contributing feel free to email me borgqueenmusic@gmail.com

I'm A Dirty Girl

We humans are a filthy breed. Covered in various microorganisms on the outside, our intestines filled with harmful and helpful bacteria battling it out for dominance. As contaminated as our physical form is, it is no competition to how foul and wretched the deepest recesses of our minds and hearts can be reduced to under the right set of conditions.

We may enter this world pure and clean, but none of us leave this life unscathed. Even the most sheltered and naive of our race sustain a few scratches. It is our human condition. We cannot escape adversity. It is the nature of our existence. In fact, overcoming adversity is a necessity for our survival individually and collectively as a species. In this imperfect existence that we must all endure, some of us will face trauma. Some of us will be victims of trauma and will likely perpetuate the suffering we've endured. Often the victim attempts to take control of their pain by becoming an abuser. Sometimes this perpetuation of injury is deliberate and sometimes we simply pass on our stress to those closest to us.

Because of our damaged condition we transform ourselves into inadvertent abusers. Many of us turn our abuse inward. We form destructive habits and addictions. I am no exception. As fortunate as I am to live in a time that couldn't be more ideal for a white, North American woman, I have still endured violence, trauma and pain. As a result, I am a dirty girl, with a filthy mind and polluted heart.

My aim as an artist is to convey the inner recesses of the human psyche, and let's face the truth, as moral as we may try to be the furnishings of our souls will always be covered in thin layer of dirt at best. At worst our interiors are broken, corroded and decaying. Whether it be with my music or visual art I'm adding layers of paint and sound to create texture and covey the complexity of our imperfect condition.

I'd like to show you some examples of how I use technique to integrate artistic intent into the sets and props of my music videos. As an art director I feel that the message of any work of art is more impactful when the technique used to create the visual or sound is mirrored in the concept. One of the more recent examples of this is the fetal growth tank I fabricated for my music video Hedonist. The fetus growing in the tank represents the alter ego that addicts become when they're using.  The tank is corroded and covered in layers of dirt and grime.

Such a tank is by nature dysfunctional, just as the environment is that breeds addiction. I used layer upon layer of paint, glues and textures to create the corrosion, just as it takes layers of dysfunction to create the right environment to grow an addict.

I've come to realize the I do dirty, complex and real very well. I think because I'VE come to terms with the fact that dirty, complex and real is my nature. I'VE accepted it. That doesn't mean however that I didn't hide from it or try to pretty it up with some fancy window dressing. My song We're All Whores is all about exposing our true nature as modern humans by showing that we are all prostitutes to our system of commerce in one way or another. I use stripping as a visual metaphor in the music video to relate this idea. Strippers aren't the only ones stripping in strip clubs. The environment is designed to strip the patrons down to their very base instincts. I ran with this idea a little further and showed the patrons as strippers being stripped down by the strippers. Here's a little teaser clip from the music video.

So why expose the filth that permeates us to our core? Because in order to better ourselves and the world around us we must first address our dysfunction so that we can take responsibility for it and create positive change within ourselves and as a society. 

SPOILER ALERT! Preview For Hedonist Music Video Script - Part 4

Today's blog post is Part 3 of a 4 part series where I am giving you a preview of the actual script we'll be using to shoot my upcoming music video Hedonist.

Hedonist the music video has been a huge undertaking. As pleased as I am with my last music video Lapdance Romance, my goal is to make Lapdance Romance look like and idiot compared to Hedonist. Hedonist is going to have 4 sets  with separate action sequences that relate the overall concept of the song visually. I've decided to post the scripts I've written for each set in a 4 part series.

In my first post of this series I revealed the script for The Psychiatrist's Office of  the Mind's Eye. It' lays down the premise and overall concept for the video.

The the second of the sets is what I've called The Padded Cell of Hedonism. The set is where my character goes to escape the pain of being abused, and is a visual metaphor for my character's relationship with hedonism. Hedonism is portrayed as a physical being who rules the world inside the cell and ultimately seduces my character to over indulge in substance use until she becomes an addict.

The third set is called The Padded Cell of Terror and Art Therapy

This set is all about my character "The Patient" coming to the grim realization that she is an addict trapped in a vicious cycle of domestic abuse and substance abuse.

The fourth and final set is simply titled...

The Operating Room

The Operating Room is not only about the abusive relationship between the domestic violence victim and their abuser, but also the abusive relationship between the domestic violence victim and herself. The domestic violence victim uses substance abuse as an escape from the pain of  the violence and through the use of drugs and alcohol creates an alter ego for herself as depicted in the script below.

THE OPERATING ROOM

by JENNY KIRBY

Scene 1

INT: Operating Room

A continuation from the last scene of Little Miss Liquid Courage the patient lays motionless on the operating table. Her chest and head wounds from where she tore off her fake stapled on breasts and hair are gushing blood. Surgeon #1 and Surgeon #2 enter wearing white “Howie coats” and full biohazard masks that hide their identity. Surgeon #1 straps the patient down and places the patients head in the vice grips at the top end of the table. Surgeon #2 pries the patient’s mouth open with a metal mouth speculum, shoves a tube inside the patient’s mouth, then connects the tube to a vodka bottle suspended from an IV stand.

Next to the operating table is a metal tray with surgical instruments and power tools. Surgeon #2 marks 4 circles on the patient’s torso and then hands surgeon #1 a scalpel. Surgeon #1 slices into the patient’s skin dragging the scalpel along the perimeter of the marked circles. Surgeon #1 peels off the circles of cut out skin as Surgeon #2 wipes away the blood leaking out of the incisions.

Surgeon #1 digs into the wound with a pair of surgical tweezers and fishes around inside the wound which causes more blood to begin gushing out. Surgeon #2 uses a sponge to absorb and wipe away the excess blood. Then Surgeon #2 pokes her finger into the wound and pulls out an artery. Surgeon #1 places 2 clamps on the artery and cuts between the two clamps with a pair of scissors. Surgeon #2 lifts the bottom of Surgeon #1’s mask revealing his mouth and wipes the blood off her gloved finger on to his lips. Surgeon #1 licks the blood from his lips and smiles.

SURGEON #1

“Oh! You taste so good”

Scene 2

INT: Operating Room

In the back corner to the left of the operating table sits a cylindrical glass tank with a metal base that is made up of several small piece held together by rivets. Inside the glass tank is a living growing fetus. Several small tubes are connected to the fetus and lead down into the metal base. At the bottom of the metal base are 4 large black tubes that carry nutrients to the fetus and waste away from the fetus.

Surgeon #1 stretches the patient’s circular incisions open and inserts a short metal cylinder with a flared base into each circular incision. The flared base has screw sockets and is positioned just under the skin. The cylindrical portion juts out of the wound and will fit inside the opening of the large black tubes.  

Surgeon #2 is holding a large black tube at the open end and pulls a small catheter type tube from inside. Surgeon #1 pulls the clamped end of an artery out of one of the patient’s incisions as Surgeon #2 inserts the catheter tip into the artery.

After the surgeons have repeated this procedure for all of the catheter tubes, Surgeon #1 attaches the black hose into the circular incisions by placing the opening of the black tube over the metal cylinder jutting out of the incision an screwing the flared opening of the black tubes into the skin and down into the sockets of the flared base of the metal cylinder inside the wound.

The patient’s body now provides nourishment to the growing fetus inside the tank. Surgeon #1 pulls off his mask and reveals his face. He’s a sinister looking man with a sadistic gleam in his eye. Surgeon #2 pulls the mask off her face revealing her identity. She is the patient. She leans in towards Surgeon #2 as if to kiss him.

SURGEON #2

“I need an anesthetic to numb me to you”

Surgeon #2 leans in even closer, nose to nose, lips almost touching. Surgeon #1 is entranced, and doesn’t notice as Surgeon #2 grips his throat tightly with her bloody hand and begins to choke him.

Music Video Pre Production Madness(literally)

One of the benefits and pitfalls of being an indie, diy musician or whatever they're calling it these days is that you get to do pretty much everything yourself. It's a huge workload and things tend to move slowly, but the work itself is rewarding in a way that I can't even adequately describe with words. I'm a multimedia artist and for me the most fun thing I get to do as a musician is make music videos! I get to use literally every artistic and technical discipline I've ever studied or worked in professionally.

Here's a little step by step visual synopsis of what I've done so far production designwise for one of the scenes for my music video Hedonist.

1. First I needed to design the set.

The concept behind this padded cell is that it is a metaphor for the insanity of addiction which is one of the central themes of the song. The insane subject scrawling the lyrics of the song in blood on the walls of the padded cell is a visual representation of my addict brain feeling trapped, isolated and overwhelmed by the world I created for myself through drug and alcohol abuse.

2. Then I had to make the set(this process almost drove ME insane)

This was a multi step process which involved me having to scavenge bike shop recycling bins for enough cardboard to make the backer pieces for 104 cell pads.

 Did I mention that I had to make 104 padded squares?!?! I had to cut 104  21" x 21" squares of card board, then 104 squares of quilt batting, THEN 104 squares of fabric to cover them with

             

 There was glue gunning and a lot of burned finger tips in the assembly process. After making 104 of these damn cell pads I had to apply layers of "grunge" to make them appear weathered, soiled and old. I used a powdered temepera paint to create a worn effect with layers of dust, mildew, hand prints and oxidation.

3. Costumes!!!!

Ever since I was a child, I have loved playing dress-up. Now I get to do it professionally so this is a dream come true. For this particular scene in the music video there is myself dressed as a disgraced Victorian mental patient and some nurses who symbolize the drugs themselves.

Making my Victorian underwear involved not only sewing it, but also adding a layer of "grunge" to match the filthy aesthetic of the padded cell. To keep the color palette consistent I used the same tempera paint to dirty up my lingerie as seen below.

                  

4. Hair, Make-Up and SFX

For the hair I thought it'd be fun to make and install some synthetic dreads as I figured my character would have been locked away for some time and not have access to a hair brush.

 We experimented with a few make-up looks, but finally decided on a combination of what we played around with. 

 

I also made some long fake dirty fingernails to add to the overall effect and also because there will be some close ups of my hands as I bite a wound into my hand and they scrawl bloody lyrics all over the walls.

5. The Test Shoot!!!

If you've managed to read this far down then congratulations because these are the real money shots from the test shoot where we played with some lighting and visual concepts. The hard work is really paying off and I'm very proud of what we've come up with. So enjoy the fruits of our labor so far!

Depression: There Is Hope

In the wake of Robin Williams' death there has been a seemingly increased online conversation about depression. Depression is a topic that affects everyone, not just the sufferers, but this post is directed to those who are currently battling this all encompassing disease. I'm not anybody famous, or noteworthy. I'm just an artist telling her story. I've suffered from depression since childhood and I've learned some things about depression that I'd like to share.

1. It's OK That You're Depressed Right Now
Life has many seasons. There are ups and downs. It's OK and even normal to go through periods of depression.If you're struggling with depression right now, know that it's OK to be depressed. If this is where you currently are on you're life's journey then accept that this is where you're at right now is the first step to recovery.

2. Depression Is A Legitimate Medical Condition
I'm not going into too much scientific detail on this one, because it's a mainstream medical view that depression is a medical condition. Should a diabetic be overcome with guilt because of their medical condition? Of course not, and neither should you.

3.Your Illness Does Not Define You
No one single characteristic that you possess defines you. Your age, race, sexual orientation, religion, marital status, parental status, disability, career or medical condition are simply characteristics that make you more multidimensional, but not a single one of these things will add value or devalue your worth. Just because a person is blind for example doesn't mean that being blind is all that there is too them, and it certainly doesn't make them any less valuable. Similarly, being depressed does not devalue your worth as a person.  You are just as incredible, worthwhile and unique whether you're feeling wonderful or in currently stuck the pit of despair.

4. There Is Hope
You may not feel like there is any hope right now, but I promise you as someone who struggles with this illness, that there is hope and you are loved. You may say to yourself, but I have no one and I'm all alone, so how can anyone love me? Maybe you're not surrounded with the right people right now, but at some point in your life, if it hasn't already happened, you will be loved by someone. So hang in there. Love is worth living for and it will find you, but the first step to letting love find you is to learn to love yourself. Help is available and there are many people who do care, and have dedicated their lives to helping people suffering from depression. You don't need to suffer in silence anymore, so talk to someone, you'd be surprised at how supportive people really are.

Because this is my blog about my art and music I'm including an instrumental version of a song and the painting I've about overcoming depression called My Resurrection. My biggest reason for sharing my art with the world is that I know the power it has to reach people and touch them on a personal level. One of my greatest influences Trent Reznor is famous for writing songs about isolation and depression. Listening to his music has been therapeutic for me because it's made realize that I'm not alone in this and there are others out there who do understand. I've also posted some links at the bottom of this page to resources available to those suffering from depression.

Online Depression Resources - WebMD

Depression - Canadian Mental Health Association

Crisis Intervention & Suicide Prevention-British Columbia