Aaaaand...ACTION!

A couple weeks ago I started doing a government funded self management course for people who suffer from chronic health conditions. If you've known me for any period of time you would know that I have fibromyalgia plus have been struggling with PTSD for the past few years which comes with anxiety and depression. I'm not going to be going into that in this post though. What I do want to share is how doing this self management program is impacting my creative life. In this program we learn and practice a variety of strategies that help us positively manage our health conditions.

This post week we covered making an "action plan." According to the several health professionals who wrote this program action planning is probably the most important self-management tool. So what is an action plan? An action plan is an action you can take that is short term, doable and sets you on the road towards achieving a goal. In my program we set goals to enhance our quality of life.

Unsurprisingly, working on creative projects enhances my quality of life. So, while I do set goals that are specific to my physical condition, feeding my mental, emotional and spiritual health is equally important and very much complementary to managing my physical condition. A lot of why I've been creatively dormant for the past year as far as Borg Queen goes is that the goals I wish to accomplish within this project are rather lofty. It's not that I've had a creative block or lost inspiration, it's just that I've been battling the physical effects of my chronic illness which has left me with no energy to work on anything...or so I thought.

 What I've learned is that the secret of an effective action plan is to not try to do everything at once. Inside my head I imagine everything all at once, but the problem is that in the physical world I am not capable of doing everything at once, so I've just had to accept that I'm limited and have to work within those limitations. What I've been learning to do is look at what I can realistically accomplish within the next week and base my action plan on what I can realistically achieve.

 Another crucial point about the action plan is that it should be about something I want to do, not something that will please anyone else. So when making my first action plan in this course I asked myself, "Jenny, what do YOU want to do?" The reply was, "I really want to write the screenplay for 'A Bionic Holiday Ballad.'"

Of course with me being an obsessive workaholic and wanting to get it done as fast as possible, my initial action plan was pretty unrealistic. At first I wanted to get the whole thing written within a week, but that would have required me to write 20 pages a day. It's totally doable if I push myself and don't have any other distractions, but the likelihood of accomplishing it was 50/50. They say you need to be at least 70% sure that you can complete your action plan, so I asked myself, "what is a number of pages you KNOW you can write in a day?"

I settled on 5 pages a day because I wanted to feel like I was succeeding and not having to stress out about it. Man! What a difference it makes to set up a plan that is easily accomplished! It's encouraging. It fosters hope and builds confidence. Everyday I was able to exceed my goal of 5 pages and that made me feel pretty damn good about myself. I was able to get the screenplay done in 10 days! Getting it done in a week would have put unnecessary pressure on myself, and for what? It's not like I'm working for anyone but myself.

 So now that I've written the screenplay I've decided to turn "A Bionic Holiday Ballad" into a musical. I'm gonna be honest that the inspiration to turn this story into a musical is totally coming from my love of "A Muppet Christmas Carol." My version obviously is going to be darker and have a very distinct "Borg Queen" sound to it. My "Bionic Holiday Ballad" action plan for the week is to sift through the screenplay again and determine at which points a song would fit.

Old Jenny would have written an action plan for this week that would have included the aforementioned plan, plus coming up with song titles, plus writing all the lyrics in one week. Old Jenny would have set themselves up for a stressful week and would be motivated to complete their action plan out of a fear of failure.

 Fear can be an effective motivator, but it's not a sustainable one and the cost is too high. Fear is something that has motivated me a lot in my life. It's also cost me my mental and physical health. One of the things I've been practicing over that past year is to not allow myself to take action as the result of fear. I'm learning to take action because I want to, not because I'm afraid of the consequences of inaction.

 The protagonist in "A Bionic Holiday Ballad" is Elanor Sharp a parallel to Ebenezar Scrooge. Scrooge is a character that if you really start examining their motives for their heinous behavior, you start to realize that their primary motivator is fear. Fear is going to be a major theme that is explored in the character of Elanor Sharp and I'm going to incorporate my own experience with being a workaholic motivated by fear into that character. However, getting to know Elanor Sharp is another blog post for another day.

For now I'm just going to work on my action plan for this week and enjoy the process. If you enjoyed reading this blog, and want to stay updated with what's going on with my project, then sign up for the mailing list at the top of the page. I love hearing feedback from you, so feel free to leave a comment or if you have any questions about what I've written just shoot me an email at borgqueenmusic@gmail.com

Ups & Downs

Owning my feelings and mental illness empowers me to make changes when I feel like I am ready to.

"Life is full of ups and downs" is what I tell myself when I'm in a slump. I find it helps me broaden my perspective and get unstuck when I find myself paralyzed by the effects on mental illness. If you're a fellow sufferer then you know the vicious cycle of feeling so shitty you can't seem to do anything proactive to change your situation which in turn makes you feel even more useless and shitty.

This cycle pretty much sums up my past week. I'm writing this post from my chip crumb filled bed and wearing my depression pants that really needed laundering 5 days ago. So, what happened? I was implementing a really consistent self care routine and starting to reap the benefits, then BOOM! I hit a wall.

First of all, I pushed myself too hard with working 12 hour days and making my Mummo's documentary. I didn't take the time to swim or meditate and my fibromyalgia flared up. Secondly, instead of stepping up my self care game, I let it slide completely. I started compulsively comfort eating, which made me even more tired. Being tired feeds my depression because I feel completely unmotivated to do anything beneficial for myself. Now I'm wallowing and feeling stuck, but you know what? I'm owning it because life is full of ups and downs and this is a down. Denying my feelings or feeling guilty about depression won't change what is. Owning my feelings and mental illness empowers me to make changes when I feel like I am ready to.

Sure there are things out of my control, like other people's actions and the fact that I was born with a neurotransmitter imbalance, and these factors sometimes make it difficult to cope. However, there have been times when I have been able to "rise above" my circumstances and experience serenity, contentment and even happiness. I just have to remind myself that it's ok to have bad days or weeks or even months. Hell, I've had bad years...2016-2018 I'm looking at you, but I've also had moments of joy and experienced contentment because life is full of ups and downs.

Mommy Issues

Don't get me wrong...I love my mom. She is one of the most caring, self-sacrificing, generous and genuinely ethical humans on the face of this planet. It's a shame that we don't see eye to eye and that we're both incredibly stubborn and steadfast in our beliefs. She's a perfectionist like me. She wants more than anything to do the "right thing" to the point that she suffers from horrific anxiety out of fear that she's making mistakes. Now, her perfectionism stems from the example her mother set for her. My grandmother is also a perfectionist, paralyzed by fear and overly critical of herself and others. Are we seeing a pattern here?

So, the point of this post is not to bash my mom and grandmother because despite their flaws they've given me everything. I wouldn't own a house if it weren't for their generosity. I wouldn't have been able to get my first album off the ground if it weren't for the fact that my mom moved in with me and looked after my kids. Sure, she was critical as fuck about my lack of domestic skills. She was also incredibly vocal about her moral objections to the dark, macabre and sexual nature of the content I create, but she's a 64 year old conservative woman who's never even smoked a cigarette, so what do you expect?

I stopped giving a fuck about what people thought of me in my teens. At this point in my life I'd say I'm a master of giving zero fucks about people's opinions. It doesn't bother me that my mom isn't a fan of my work. It doesn't resonate with her, and that's fine. What my biggest mommy issue is, and this goes back to my childhood is that she misunderstands my intent. I can't even tell you how many times I got in trouble because she thought I was doing something 'bad' when my intent was to do something helpful. Like the time I drew some flowers on a poster she was making, or when I tried painting the backyard patio with crayons.

She had the tendency to attach a moral judgment to everything. I was a closet Madonna fan growing up because my mom naturally disapproved of her brazen sexuality, so when she caught me at 5am fashioning a cone bra out of tin foil she was really upset. She went off about how grieved she was in her heart that I would want to create something so vulgar and want to emulate someone so morally defunct as Madonna. Growing up in her domain meant that all actions were either good or evil and that was a reflection of our souls. Needless to say that I grew up with this image of myself being disapproved of at my very core because I could rarely get things "right" in her eyes.

Is it true that she disapproves of who I am on a very intrinsic level? Probably not, but it's a belief of mine that's been fostered since childhood. I don't blame her, but I wish things were different. I wish I could have been honest with her about what was going on in my life without fear of having a moral judgment attached to everything. I know that she wishes that we could have been closer too. I pulled away and I still do because I fear that she can't accept me. I feel like the truth of who I am would cause her too much stress and grief. I fear that she can reconcile the fact that despite my liberal views and unapologetic sexuality I still have morals...strong ones. I still have a strong connection to faith in something much greater than myself. I still aspire to using my talents and resources to make the world around me a better place. I wish she could just see the condition of my heart.

Lately she's really been making an effort to reach out to me. She's finally acknowledged that even though she doesn't "get" my art, she's glad that I've found an audience that appreciates it for what it is. She's been asking me for a while now to come visit her and spend some time together. Part of me really wants to, but I'm afraid to. We've never bonded, and I feel like at this point it's too late to find any common ground. I'm so used to keeping her at arms length. 

Something that I've really struggled with lately is the thought that one day she'll die, and I didn't make the effort to repair my relationship with her. The potential of this happening sooner rather than later is now becoming a reality. She ended up getting a blood clot in her leg last month and now the doctor thinks that she could have cancer. I'm terrified, not because she could die. Death is inevitable. If she died now, I would be consumed with guilt that I didn't try to make things better between us.

It's mother's day and I wish I had a better relationship with my mom. I wish I had a better relationship with myself as a mom. I wish I had a more positive view of other moms. Everything about motherhood leaves a bitter taste in my mouth because I have mommy issues. It's like the women who can't have a good relationship with a man because of their daddy issues. I have a tough time with mom stuff and getting close with other women.

My new EP has a song on it called 'Vampires.' It's about being a woman, being a mom and my general resentment of those roles within society. While 'Vampires' focuses more on the sociological role of women, I know that a lot of my resentment towards being a woman is rooted in my childhood and my relationship with my mom. 



I don't like to leave my blog posts on a sour note, so I am resolving to make the best effort that I can to reciprocate my mom's effort of reaching out to me. Like I said before, I don't blame her for anything. I'm the one who is responsible for how I choose to have a relationship with her, so I'm not going to push her away anymore because I feel like she doesn't get me. She doesn't have to get me. She gave me a life and that's enough.

For more information on my art and music project and to get 4 songs of mine as a free download visit my official website www.borg-queen-music.com

Silver Linings Within A Tarnished Existence

August sucked. As I walked down the dismal hallway of victim services for the second time within the past year I could feel myself falling to pieces and asking myself, "Am I fucking cursed or is violence against women, just so prevalent and normalized within our society?" I'm not going to go into detail about what happened, but suffice it to say that my August was spent talking to cops, Crown Counsel, victim services, doctors and counselors.

So what's the silver lining you may ask? Well, despite how horrific 2016 was in my personal life and the fact that I've spent all of 2017 in therapy dealing with the shit that happened in 2016, the silver lining is... My artistic life has been amazing! Sure, I have days that the pain is so unbearable that I don't want to be alive, but I've managed to be able to escape the agony by focusing on my artistic pursuits. Art has literally saved my life.

I don't want this post to be a downer so here's a list of all of the really awesome things that happened in my artistic life this year.

1. I released my first album

This was HUGE for me! I was also pleasantly surprised as to how many CD's of it I sold. You hear that no one buys physical media anymore, but I can tell you that I sold 25× more physical copies than I did digital ones. You can purchase both here on my website

Click to purchase your copy

2. I played my first live show as 'Borg Queen'

It was for Kink Fetish Night in Vancouver and what a blast! It was a ton of prep work and loads of rehearsals, but super fun. Here's a short video of the highlights.

3. I released a new music video

I released the video for my song 'We're All Whores.' After 2 months of pitching it to Canadian bloggers who mostly rejected it and gave negative feedback, I prepared myself for it to be a total flop. Instead it ended up being a hit in Mexico and my fan base tripled in one month because everyone kept sharing it on Facebook. You can get the song for free plus 3 others from my album by signing up here for my mailing list. In addition to free music you'll also get emailed secret exclusive previews of upcoming music videos, plus discount codes for items in my store.

4. I recorded a new EP

I wrote and recorded a new EP that I plan to release in March of 2018 called Blood, Sweat, Tears. There's still work to be done on it, but I plan on getting my fans involved in the completion process. Stay tuned.

5. I started working on a new music video

I decided to make a music video for Little Miss Liquid Courage. It's currently in pre-production. Here's a preview of the storyboard video. Everyone who signs up to my mailing list gets access to exclusive content including the full version of the storyboard video. You can sign up for my mailing list here and get your exclusive access here

6. I've worked on 3 short films this year

In May I had the chance to do some scenic art and set decorating for a short film called 'Bounce.' That job led to another project called 'Monkey Slayer' that I landed and acting role in and finally I'm doing some art direction and set design for a short film called 'Triggered.' Cinematic art is a passion of mine, so I m really grateful for the opportunities that have come my way.

7. I got accepted into the IATSE art department

For those of you who don't know, IATSE is the film technicians union. This is a HUGE milestone, as working as an art director on a major production is on my bucket list. If you're curious, you can check out my art department portfolio here 

8. I'm making props for a major TV series

I'm currently making props for 'Arrow.' Enough said.

9. I'll be releasing another music video this year

'Hedonist' will be released within the next few months. As far as music videos go, this one is my opus and I'm beyond excited for the release. Here's a teaser for the intro. Wanna see the full video? Sign up for my mailing list here and when it's done being edited you'll get the secret sneak preview.

So there we have it...9 great things that happened to me artistically this year. There's the silver lining, and if I'm to be perfectly candid here...the reason my heart is still beating.

Style and Substance: Hotness vs. Talent

Years ago I interviewed an actor friend of mine and asked him what factors increase a person's chances of success in the world of professional acting. He looked me right in the eye and bluntly stated "be hot and talented." The idealist in me didn't want to accept that hotness plays as much of a role in an entertainer's(particularly a female's) success, but my inner realist knew he hit the nail on the head. Of course neither hotness nor talent or combination thereof will guarantee success, but it will increase your chances.

So armed with this knowledge of the winning formula to increase my success as an musician/performer/artist I find myself constantly balancing style with substance. The following is a list of questions I have had to answer when taking an honest inventory of my artistic integrity vs. marketability of the content I produce.

So what is the right ratio of style to substance? 

Appreciation of aesthetic is part and parcel of being a visual artist. Style is integral to what I do and does bleed into my other artistic mediums including the music I make. So how important is the packaging? For me personally, the packing must be a reflection of what is on the inside. It must make a strong impression and draw the audience into the concept being conveyed through the medium.

We all judge a book by it's cover to a certain extent and that is something I keep in mind when designing that cover. I want the outside to be an accurate reflection of the lies underneath.

Artistic intent conveyed through style is not just art for the sake of art. Every visual element is deliberate and tells a part of the story.

So what about using sex to promote yourself as an artist?

I'm innately drawn to anything sexy as I think most humans are so that's wht sex sells. When it comes to my artforms though, the questions I ask myself are, "Am I selling sex? Is sex in anyway integral to the concept I'm relating through my art?" If the answer is yes, then of course I'm going to use sex as a promotional tool because that is what the song or painting or performance is about. Using sex as a promotional tool in that context is truthful and doesn't compromise artistic integrity.

However, let's say I've written a song about my dad's death. Am I going to sex myself up to promote the song? Of course not, because it's not artistically relevant and it would be painfully obvious and sad that I was using sexy images of myself just to gain popularity.

The song We're All Whores uses a sexual metaphor lyrically and visually to convey the concept of human commodification as a result of capitalism.

Does hotness matter?

Sadly, yes. Especially if you're a woman, but make no mistake if you rely solely on hotness to gain popularity and the try to legitimize yourself as a serious artist afterwards, it's harder to be taken seriously. You could be super talented, skillful, accomplished and intelligent but if you ride the hotness train to popularity town you'll find it harder to change people's perception of who you truly are because you bombarded them for so long with only one dimension of yourself. Some people just don't care to see beyond the hotness. It takes longer to gain a fan base by not exploiting just your sexuality, but in the long run you'll be appreciated for your art and not just your image. Marilyn Monroe was a legitimately talented actor, but do we talk about how talented she was, no we talk about how beautiful she was.

So how do we strike a the balance between being a sellout and being naively idealistic?

In the end our art is our legacy it out lives us. So being mindful of that fact, we should aim to promote ourselves and our craft with truthfulness and integrity, but sometimes that does mean being overtly sexual. Ultimately, what brings about lasting success is being true to one's self. After all, in art everything is subjective including hotness and talent.

Crippling Horrible Depression

The clouds are so thick that all I can feel is the ultraviolet radiation permeating my skin, damaging me on a cellular level. A walk through the forest draws my attention to the soil erosion around the root systems a grim reminder that the air filling my lungs is now contains 400ppm of carbon. This is the nature of depression. It is all consuming. A dark fog that won't lift, and I used to be able to see the beauty in a foggy day. Maybe it's just because there have been so many foggy days lately that I've forgotten that there is a world outside of the dark cloud that surrounds me.

Three weeks ago I was sexually assaulted. The life has just been sucked right out of me, but I tell myself that I have to keep emulating the behavior of the living. I tell myself that if I can just keep pretending to live that I'll feel alive again. If it were just the heartbreak of losing my partner, or simply coping with having a chronic illness or even if all I had to deal with was the psychological and legal fallout of being sexually assaulted then I feel as if I could stitch together enough broken pieces of myself to resemble a functional person.

So what do I do? Life doesn't just stop because I've lost the ability to function. Life goes on, right? Besides, there are so many things I have to get done. I have to finish filming music videos. I have to finish the artwork layout for my CD's. I have to fulfill all my crowdfunding perks. I have to start on a PR campaign for my album release. I have to start organizing a live show. I have to keep start recording my new EP...the list goes on and on, just like life. How do I accomplish all of this when my body is in so much agony that I can barely move and my mind is so foggy that I'm not even aware of my own thoughts half the time. It's taken me 4 days to write this tiny little blog post because it's so hard to focus.

So why even write a post like this? Well, the answer is the same as to the question, "why write songs and paint pictures of dark subject matter?" The answer is that we all will suffer as human beings. Many times our suffering will be inflicted upon us for no discernable reason. This is the nature of our physical existence, but like everything else in this physical existence, suffering is not permanent either. We're also not alone in our suffering. There is always someone out there who understands, we just need to reach out and ask for help.

Will I always feel like this? Logically speaking...no, I won't even though right now it feels like I'll never feel joy again. I just have to remember that I haven't always felt like this so chances are that this too shall pass.

A Whore No More!

I'm a whore. Now, I know that you may be thinking...

What the fuck?
Really?
Why would you even admit that?
That's not something you should be flaunting online for the world to see!

While I'm not someone who exchanges sex for money, I am a big old whore nonetheless. For the past few years I've earned an income as an interior designer and I absolutely HATE it. I dread going to work everyday. I dread dealing with clients, and I hate the industry in general. I just do it for the money.

I feel degraded every time I have to absorb my client's rants, complaints and verbal abuse, and I just  want to scream at them, 

"YOUR HOUSE IS JUST A THING! RENOVATING IT ISN'T GOING TO FILL THE VOID IN YOUR LIFE, AND IT WON'T MAKE YOU HAPPY! JUST BE GRATEFUL THAT YOU HAVE SHELTER AND THE FINANCIAL MEANS TO IMPROVE IT!!!!" 

But I can't. It's not good for business, and the bottom line is... the bottom dollar. That is why I am a whore. I've let the bottom dollar control my life and it's made me miserable.

There is a light in all of this though. My life purpose is to create music and art and hopefully touch other peoples lives through my creations. I've decided to give up my "daytime whore job" as I've come to call it and dedicate my 9-5 time to making music and art full time! This is a huge leap of faith on my part because I'll be relying on my night job which is mostly tips to sustain me financially. I have faith and I am going to trust that all my financial needs will be met. 

I'm not religious, but I do believe that there is a Higher Power that will help me along my life path, and as long as I am being who I am supposed to be then I will be blessed in my endeavors.It's hard for me to admit sometimes that I am a person of faith because a lot of people will automatically label me as a religious kook. There's an extremely negative stigma associated with religion and it's hard for some to wrap their mind around the fact that one can have faith and not be religious. 

However, I digress, this post wasn't supposed to be about religion vs. faith, it was about me publicly announcing that I AM A WHORE NO MORE! What really excites me about this is that I'll be able to get so much more done, so much faster which means that you won't have to wait as long for the release of my album and music videos! In the meantime I'm offering a preview of a rough mix for We're All Whores which will be one of the tracks on my upcoming album. It sums up perfectly the trap that I think we all succumb to at some point in our lives.

Album Art: The Story Behind Little Miss Liquid Courage & This Is Real

With the imminent December 2014 release of my album Sex, Drugs, & Shiny Brass Poles I've had to kick things into high gear. Today I managed to get the cover art for two songs done. Both have the central theme of money. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against money or rich people and the purpose of my songs and paintings for This Is Real and Little Miss Liquid Courage are not to say money is evil, but rather to tell my personal story of how making money my first priority in life did not bring happiness, success or material wealth. In fact, the moment I made money my top priority was the first step of my downward spiral to becoming a broke, depressed failure.

This Is Real is a "reverse Cinderalla" story. It's the story of how I went from riches to rags by making money my god. Often as we enter adulthood we start to realize that life doesn't quite turn out how we expect it to, despite our best efforts. This can leave us disillusioned and angry, and we start think in terms of "if only" scenarios. If only I had a relationship. If only I had made this decision and not that one. If only I had more money. For me, it was, "if only I had more money, I could fix my problems."

This Is Real - a painting and song by Jenny  Kirby. Listen to the instrumental backing track here

My problems at the time were that I was in an abusive relationship where I was financially dependent on my abuser because I was a student, and my dad's health was failing. I figured that if I could make enough money then I could afford my living expenses, school and help pay for better medical care for my dad. I took a job as an exotic dancer to make some extra cash thinking that I'd be able to achieve my goals with all of my extra dancing money that I'd be making and THEN I'd be happy.

Little Miss Liquid Courage is about succumbing to the pressure to change my appearance to be the ideal "Barbie" in order to make more money as an exotic entertainer. When I first started dancing, I was pale red-haired goth with a small breasts. The criticisms I received from the booking agents were that they could get me more consistent work and a higher show price from the clubs if, I lost some weight, got a tan, dyed my hair blond and got some breast implants. Thankfully, my credit was so shot from my student load debt that I was turned down for financing for my boobs, but I did go get myself that fake tan and dyed my hair platinum blond. I gave up my unique look and tried to fit the cookie cutter mold of feminine beauty for more money.

Little Miss Liquid Courage - a painting and song by Jenny Kirby. Listen to the instrumental backing track here

Needless to say I'm older and wiser now, and have learned that money doesn't buy happiness, less stress or make a person successful. Living out your life's purpose by using what's been given whether it be your time, energy, talent or money and sharing what you've been blessed with to those around you will make you happy. I get to do what I love and share it with the world every day, and that is NOW my definition of success.

Lapdance Romance Part 2 - A Labor of Love, Persistence and Complete Insanity

Lets Recap
In anticipation of the release of my song/music video/visual masterpiece that is Lapdance Romance I've decided to re-hash my long arduous production journey. To recap, Lapdance Romance was a song and painting that I created for my husband, before he was my husband while we were on a break. I wrote and recorded the original demo back in 2010. You can listen to the original demo it on my Soundcloud profile here.

As mentioned before I tend to think big, and as a product of the MTV generation I decided that I wanted to create an audio-visual masterpiece in the form of a music video that would use the story behind the song and visuals in the painting as it's inspiration. When approached my director friend Arcelia Ocana of Ribbit Ribbit Studios about the project and played her the song, her reply was, "Jenny, we love the song and we want to make you famous!" This is typical Arcelia as she's a bubbling cauldron of positive, creative energy. So hurdle, number one, find a director, was done.

The DYI Insanity Begins
My next big issue was budget. I literally did not have a budget, at all. When Arcelia approached me about this (not so)minor detail I sheepishly mentioned that I don't have a budget, but have no fear because I have connections to talented(and generous) people AND a lot of this is going to be a largely DIY affair on my behalf. My hair brain scheme is that I would be a one woman art department as the video would be based on my art. Her response was, "No problem, we'll make it work. We all love you at Ribbit Ribbit and want to see you succeed."

Having gone to art school for animation and worked as an animator I was well versed in the art of story boarding and making animatics, so I offered to do the basic pre-production work myself and create an animatic for Arcelia to work off of.  I've never made this animatic public before until now, so if you click the link of  "The Lost Lapdance Romance Animatic" you'll be directed to my ultra secret You Tube video that up until now has only been seen by production staff.

Jenny Learns To Work With Others
One of the hardest things for me on collaborative creative projects is giving up control and letting others do their jobs. I saw making this music video as the perfect opportunity to do some personal growth, so when Arcelia approached me, and said that while they(Ribbit Ribbit) loved the animatic, they wanted to bring in a writer to write the script for the video. They wanted to keep the basic story the same, but they just wanted to write it themselves with my input of course. So, I let go and said ok. HUGE step for me.

The writer in question was someone that I had worked with before, Niko Koupanstis a very talented writer and actor that I had the pleasure of working with on a short film of Arcelia's called "Mime Love." He stuck to the basic storyline of whore falls for a client at a brothel while under the influence of absinthe but added some cool twists that served to really amp up the dark and creepy side of things. In Niko's version the whores became dolls that the madame keeps locked in display cases, but my favorite idea of his was that in the absinthe hallucination my character transforms into a cybernetic dominatrix.

His concept really allowed me to get creative with the character designs. As you can see below, the original character design I came up with for the cyber dominatrix and then the final product underneath it is me in my full make-up and costume.

Orginal character design of my cyborg dominatrix alter ego

On set as my cyborg dominatrix character

I guess you could say that the lesson learned here is that it never hurts to allow others to have some input because they might just come up with some pretty cool shit you would have never thought of. So when Arcelia approached me about improving the sound quality of my original recording by hiring a producer to work with, I was definitely less hesitant, but that's another story for another day as the saga of Lapdance Romance continues...

Gettin' Down To Business(sexy business that is)

Today I spent most of my time at my interior design day job applying for a FACTOR grant. For those of you who don't know what FACTOR is, it's The Foundation Assisting Canadian Talent on Recordings. The Canadian talent in question is me! Yup, I'm Canadian, talented and in dire need of assistance, financially speaking.  Anyway, I digress as usual, but the point is that things are really moving forward with getting Lapdance Romance to being a commercially released single. Hooray!

As far as the studio sessions go, I'm having a blast recording with Ryan. We're both equally as depraved which is great when the song your working on is super sexually charged. We did guitars last time and the goal was to convey an orgasm using guitar in a part of the song. Needless to say, we succeeded and this song is going to be sexy as hell and give many a listener an eargasm. I know it gets my blood boiling. Well, that's enough about what a pervert I am, but I've always been a firm believer that art has to originate from an honest place.

Also, I'm pleased to announce that the Borg Queen store is open for business, so now all of you art fans out there can purchase giclee prints of the art for Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles. So, if you wanna support me as an artist and help me cover the costs of making the album, you can go to the store and buy some art now and feel all warm and fuzzy inside for being such a gosh darn nice person and helping an independent artist launch their career. I'd also like to note that as an extra added incentive for you hipsters out there that buying my art right now will only make you that much cooler, because it proves that you were a fan of Borg Queen WAY before everybody else.

So to sum it all up  in a neat little package(heh heh I said package)I couldn't be more please with how things are moving along and this is the most vital I've felt in a long time.

p.s. Buy some art!

I Was Wrong! Alan And Ryan Are Totally Rad

As it turns out, I do work well with others, very well in fact! Who knew? Anyway, I met with Alan Wong-Moon and Ryan "Tweak" Clark last week and needless to say I instantly clicked with Ryan and we've been in the studio for a couple sessions now working on Lapdance Romance.

I must say that I've been injected with new life and it's wonderful working with someone that really, truly "gets" me. This is really key though to the whole production process for me, because my biggest fear was that these guys were going to push my music in a direction that would ensure commercial success, but me as an artist would get lost in the uber polished production. Thank God this isn't the case!

The track is sounding so amazing and I can't wait for it to be done. We're planning to release it as a single along with a music video which will be shot by Ribbit Ribbit here in the next few months. As with any art form this is all a huge process, but instead of being freaked out that I'm not getting any younger I'm enjoying every moment of creation. Thanks Ryan. You rock!

MONEY! The cause of and solution to all my problems.

Artists are slaves to their art, but money makes slaves of us all.

Ah money. How I loathe thee, but if I only had more my life would be so much easier. I learned a long time ago that money does not make me happy, but it sure as hell would make my artistic career aspirations come to fruition a LOT sooner and with greater ease. I find myself faced with the same old dilemma that most artists, whether they be actors, musicians or really any self employed creative individual is faced with. How do I get the money that I need to launch my career and support myself, and still have enough time to work on my career while balancing my stupid(and often low paying) regular Joe job and working on the career that I really love and want to do?

Starting out in any business is not easy, and the music business is no exception. I need money to finish my album and produce my show based on the album I'm writing, and let me tell ya, my regular jack-off job as an interior designer ain't cuttin' it. Yes, I have enough money to live and put food on the table, but there's barely any extra to throw into my music. It also doesn't help that I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world where the cost of living is ridiculous! Don't get me wrong, I love Vancouver and I certainly wouldn't want to live anywhere else in Canada given a choice, and where else am I going to find the resources, people, and market to launch an arts and entertainment career in Canada? Toronto, maybe, but who the hell wants to live there? Angry people who like the Toronto Maple Leafs, acid rain and cold winters, that's who, but that's not me, so here I am struggling to make a living in beautiful, temperate, laid-back Vancouver while trying to scrape together enough cash to make a go of it with my music and art.

So what do I do? Do I turn to the oldest profession and whore myself to upscale clientele at $500/hr(yes, I'm that good)? Hopefully not. My plan A is to determine how much money I need to finish the album and produce the show, and then try to get a business loan from the bank. Of course, this plan presents it's own set of challenges. First, I need to write up a business plan in order to be taken seriously by any financial institution. Thankfully, I have done this before and know what to do. So next, on my ever growing list of things to do is write up a business plan for Borg Queen and present it to the bank, and pray to God that they think I'm as awesome as I think I am and lend me the money I need to continue to follow my dreams. Wish me luck because I'm going to need it.