I Don't Want To Be Marilyn Manson

I want to address the elephant in my room professionally speaking. I'm talking about the comparisons I get to Marilyn Manson. First of all, I want to say that I like Marilyn Manson. He's a solid artist with incredibly catchy songs that appeal to me sonically and conceptually. That being said, I wouldn't cite him as one of my influences. I've only ever owned one Marilyn Manson album and that's Mechanical Animals.

Anyone who knows me personally, knows that my biggest influence is Trent Reznor. I love that guy! His music has touched my life on the deepest most personal levels and his example as someone who has suffered through depression and addiction and made it through has inspired me personally to do the same. I quit drinking and started writing music because of Trent Reznor's example of an artist who can still make amazing art without allowing their demons to rule their life. He is hands down the biggest inspiration to me as an artist and a human being.

Let's get back to Manson though as this blog post is about how I get annoyed(but also kinda flattered) with the incredibly frequent comparison. I want to make one thing abundantly clear and that is in no way have I ever tried to emulate, copy or rip him off. It came to me as a pretty big surprise when I started getting the comparison, over and over and over again. I never saw myself like that and no artist likes to be accused of ripping someone else off. We fancy ourselves as unique, and that uniqueness is very important to us so at first I found it really offensive, but given how prolific of an artist he is, in a weird way it's also flattering.

The comparison can work both for and against me though. On one hand it's kinda good from a marketing standpoint because if I pitch myself as a "female Marilyn Manson" it automatically gives people a reference point. I hate doing it, but as a musician people ask all the time, "who are you comparable to?" I cringe every time I say it, but due to the fact that so many people have given me the Manson comparison, I often end up saying "I'm kinda like a female Marilyn Manson." I hate making a statement like this because while it gives a point of reference it puts me in a box artistically. I don't want to be measured up against another artist.

The comparison started after I released my music video for Lapdance Romance. Looking at the video now, I can see how people see similarities, but it really was not my intent. When I first asked my friend Arcelia Ocana to direct the video she asked me for some references. The two music videos I gave her for inspiration were "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers and "The Perfect Drug" by Nine Inch Nails. 

LAPDANCE ROMANCE

I really loved the burlesque club idea from Mr. Brightside and it was a concept relavent to the theme of the song which is about a stripper and her customer falling in love. Incidentally Mr. Brightside was inspired by the movie Moulin Rouge. So as we can see the core concept from Lapdance Romance, Mr. Brightside and Moulin Rouge is all essentially telling the same story. In the case of Lapdance Romance, it's my own true story.

MR. BRIGHTSIDE

When it comes to how "The Perfect Drug" influenced Lapdance Romance it was on a more artistic level. I wanted to go with an Victorian era inspired aesthetic with a palette that matched the painting Lapdance Romance and the painting for Lapdance Romance has an absinthe glass as one of the key visuals and lyrically uses absinthe intoxication as a metaphor for falling in love. The Perfect Drug was an excellent reference video for art direction.

THE PERFECT DRUG

So if you actually watched all 3 videos you can probably see where I was coming from and how Lapdance Romance was influenced by both "The Perfect Drug" and "Mr. Brightside." If anything I'm ripping off Nine Inch Nails and The Killers, not Marilyn Manson.

Let's move on to the other similarities shall we? We're both artists within the "goth" genre. We're both influenced by Trent Reznor. We both have music videos with a very bold and stylized aesthetic that incorporate the central concepts of the song through visual metaphor. We both paint. Yes, there are similarites, but similarities can be drawn between most artists within a similar genre. Hence, why we have musical genres and subcultures.

The differences between myself and Mr. Manson are far more staggering. First of all, when it comes to the music videos, Marilyn Manson isn't sitting at his day job as an interior designer storyboarding his own music video and then designing the sets, sourcing set dec and props, making the costumes, building and decorating the sets and then shooting the videos in his living room while his kids run around eating up all the food he bought with his own money to feed the cast and crew. 

Second of all, Marilyn Manson unlike myself is a major label artist with "people" who do all that behind the scenes shit for him. Because he is a major label artist he doesn't get his hands dirty in the actual production of the video like I do. He's not the art director of his videos like I am. He's not sitting at his laptop editing his own vocal tracks at 3 am. He's not funding his projects by giving lap dances or working a day job either. As an independent artist I have a much greater degree of creative control over my music & videos because I fund everything with my own money and I'm literally involved in every aspect of the audio & video production process.

Thirdly, we differ on a philosophical level when it comes to our beliefs. He's a huge fan of Anton LeVey and an honorary bishop in the Church of Satan. He has been described as the "highest profile Satanist ever" with strong anti-Christian views. I on the other hand, while not being a religious individual am a theist and see merit in the teachings and philosophies of Jesus Christ. I'm not anti-religion or pro-religion. Religion in my view is benign and can be used as a tool to do great good or tremendous evil. It ultimately is up to the individual and the actions they choose to commit in the name of said religion. Both of our philosophical views are very obviously reflected in our lyrics. On a side note though Marilyn Manson has some really intelligent and insightful lyrics. He's up there as far as my favorite lyricists go. 

Lastly, our sound is different. Just listen to him and listen to me. We may fit withing the same genre, but we sound quite different.

I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. As an artist and a person, I just want to be the best version of myself that I can be. I don't want to be Marilyn Manson. Hell, I don't even want to be Trent Reznor! I just want to be Jenny Kirby making art through the project Borg Queen. Besides, Jenny's a lot prettier than both those guys ;)

Depression: There Is Hope

In the wake of Robin Williams' death there has been a seemingly increased online conversation about depression. Depression is a topic that affects everyone, not just the sufferers, but this post is directed to those who are currently battling this all encompassing disease. I'm not anybody famous, or noteworthy. I'm just an artist telling her story. I've suffered from depression since childhood and I've learned some things about depression that I'd like to share.

1. It's OK That You're Depressed Right Now
Life has many seasons. There are ups and downs. It's OK and even normal to go through periods of depression.If you're struggling with depression right now, know that it's OK to be depressed. If this is where you currently are on you're life's journey then accept that this is where you're at right now is the first step to recovery.

2. Depression Is A Legitimate Medical Condition
I'm not going into too much scientific detail on this one, because it's a mainstream medical view that depression is a medical condition. Should a diabetic be overcome with guilt because of their medical condition? Of course not, and neither should you.

3.Your Illness Does Not Define You
No one single characteristic that you possess defines you. Your age, race, sexual orientation, religion, marital status, parental status, disability, career or medical condition are simply characteristics that make you more multidimensional, but not a single one of these things will add value or devalue your worth. Just because a person is blind for example doesn't mean that being blind is all that there is too them, and it certainly doesn't make them any less valuable. Similarly, being depressed does not devalue your worth as a person.  You are just as incredible, worthwhile and unique whether you're feeling wonderful or in currently stuck the pit of despair.

4. There Is Hope
You may not feel like there is any hope right now, but I promise you as someone who struggles with this illness, that there is hope and you are loved. You may say to yourself, but I have no one and I'm all alone, so how can anyone love me? Maybe you're not surrounded with the right people right now, but at some point in your life, if it hasn't already happened, you will be loved by someone. So hang in there. Love is worth living for and it will find you, but the first step to letting love find you is to learn to love yourself. Help is available and there are many people who do care, and have dedicated their lives to helping people suffering from depression. You don't need to suffer in silence anymore, so talk to someone, you'd be surprised at how supportive people really are.

Because this is my blog about my art and music I'm including an instrumental version of a song and the painting I've about overcoming depression called My Resurrection. My biggest reason for sharing my art with the world is that I know the power it has to reach people and touch them on a personal level. One of my greatest influences Trent Reznor is famous for writing songs about isolation and depression. Listening to his music has been therapeutic for me because it's made realize that I'm not alone in this and there are others out there who do understand. I've also posted some links at the bottom of this page to resources available to those suffering from depression.

Online Depression Resources - WebMD

Depression - Canadian Mental Health Association

Crisis Intervention & Suicide Prevention-British Columbia

Hero Worship - Dali, Depp, Burton, Reznor (Part 1)

Everyone needs a hero. When it comes to art I have 4 guys I absolutely adore. I could write a novel about the awesomeness of each one of these guys. However I won't, because nowadays the people who spend a lot of time online reading blogs have the attention span of a 2 year old with ADHD(no offense to you personally). I will be writing a multi entry blog about my heroes, Salvador Dali, Johnny Depp, Tim Burton and Trent Reznor and why they inspire me and the influence each one has had on my visual art, acting and music.

I would imagine most people know who these guys are. They're all pretty darn famous and have made huge impacts in each of their fields respectively, but for those of you who have just returned to civilization, here's a brief summary of each artistic genius and how they've been an influence on my career as an artist. I'll be writing an entry dedicated to each one in the near future.

Salvador Dali 1904-1989

Salvador or Sal as I like to call him was a Spanish surrealist painter. His most famous work is The Persistence Of Memory, otherwise know as "that painting with the melting clocks." Originally a draftsman, his technical drawing skills were highly developed and comparable to those of the Renaissance masters like Leonard Da Vinci, and are a crucial component in making his deeply psychological paintings so effective. His fine balance of technical perfection, creativity and conceptual communication is what I strive to achieve with my paintings.

Johnny Depp 1963-

Johnny Depp is an American actor who is best known for his portrayal of eccentric offbeat characters, like Jack Sparrow, Sweeney Todd, Willi Wonka and the Mad Hatter. Johnny himself is somewhat of an eccentric offbeat character with a no-compromise attitude who has risen to the status of an international sex symbol. As a person, I find that I have a few things in common with Johnny with being somewhat of a rebel and being unconventionally attractive myself. As an actor I aspire to showcase my uniqueness and Johnny Depp is a perfect example of how an artsy weirdo made a successful acting career by just staying true to himself.

Tim Burton 1958-

Little Timmy started out in his professional artistic journey as an lowly animator, just like me. He is now one of the most famous film directors(among many other things) out of Hollywood. His best known films include, Alice in Wonderland, Sweeney Todd, Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Sleepy Hollow, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Corpse Bride, Batman, Batman Returns, Beetlejuice and Edward Scissorhands. It is Tim Burton's visual aesthetic and "brand" if you will, that I fell in love with at a very early age. His unique portrayal of the world through the eyes of a innocent child with a macabre twist has a sincerity about it that draws me into his work every time(plus it looks cool). His movies inspire me as both an actor and visual artist.

Trent Reznor 1965-

Oh man, where do I start with Mr. Reznor? He's probably most famous for his industrial music project Nine Inch Nails, but he's also a producer, engineer, multi-instrumentalist, composer and revolutionary businessman. He is a rarity in that he is both right and left brained. He is equally an artist and scientist. He has wholly embraced technology as a means for baring his soul to the world, and creating art. He has impacted my life on a deeply personal, artistic and professional level, as an artist, musician and entrepreneur.

Hopefully that was helpful. I will be going into more specific detail about each one of these amazing people starting with Sal, so if Oedipus complexes, masturbation and Freudian psychology fascinate you, then you'll want to get to know Salvadore Dali.