Fuck Traditional Motherhood!

"So what if I make music with strong language? So what if my music videos have nudity? So what if I've taken my clothes off  for money? None of these things a even remotely a factor in my relationship with my sons."


I'm a mom. I have 2 boys who I don't view as extensions of myself, but rather 2 people who I am responsible for mentoring and providing for their basic needs. Being a mom is not a job, career or occupation, for me it's a relationship. Relationships are as unique as the people involved and I personally think that when it comes to relationships nobody has the right to judge someone else's relationship.

I'm speaking from a very personal place right now because there is a woman who cyber stalks me routinely(once a month I am told) because she wants to ensure that I'm not doing anything that is inappropriate as a mother. She has been critical of my relationship with my son(s) for 6 years now and as much as I wish she would F.O.D. as Green Day so eloquently put it in their song F.O.D. from their album Dookie, I beginning to think that it's just wishful thinking on my part.

So what if I make music with strong language?
So what if my music videos have nudity?
So what if I've taken my clothes off  for money?

None of these things a even remotely a factor in my relationships with my sons. I'm not going to justify my "mommy-ness" by posting about all the shit I do that makes me look like a good mom, and believe me there's a lot of it. Why? Honestly because my relationship with my sons are sacred and private.

I'm an artist and a mom, but I was an artist first, so that's why I'm going to continue make art how I see fit and the people who deem it's inappropriate for me to make the art that I do just because miniature humans have slipped out of my vagina can suck my metaphorical dick. That is all.

Now enjoy these deliciously inappropriate stills of me from my last music video Lapdance Romance.

Let's Talk About Sex

"Call me crazy but I have about as much interest in fucking a selfish misogynist as I do listening to selfish misogynist bragging about how much pussy he gets over a loop of plagiarized musi...oops, I mean a sample."

Honestly I really don't know what to write about today, so I'm just going to write about what's on my mind 99% of the day - SEX.  I'm in one of "those" moods where I am on the cusp of just blurting out all my super personal dirty laundry for the world to see. My mother says I lack discretion. Her thought process behind all this is that I write songs that are too "sexually explicit" and reveal too much of my body in music videos. I feel kind of bad for saying this because my mother is a sweet old woman, but her concerns are completely laughable. She has NO clue about what kind of content other artists put out. She's incredibly sheltered and naive and has obviously never heard Closer by Nine Inch Nails.

That's me covered in oil & uv ink getting down and dirty with my co-star in Lapdance Romance

I on the other hand embrace my sexuality and love expressing it artistically. I mean, who doesn't like
a good fuck? I know I do. If one can translate the experience of a hard, sweaty, dirty lay through an artistic medium than I say, "LETS DO IT!" I think the reason so much music out there is about sex is because sex is relateable. Everyone on this earth at some point is going to engage in some kind of sex act(masturbation counts).

Every genre of music has sex songs. They focus of sex tends to vary by genre, and I think what type of musical genre a person is drawn to reveals quite a bit about them sexually. I know it does in my case.

For example country and R&B tend focus on "making love." Personally that term makes me a little queasy so I kinda throw up in my mouth a little if someone refers to sex as "making love." I'ts just too sweet and sappy for my appetite. It's no surprise that both of those genres don't appeal to me at all.

Punk music on the other hand has a lot of masturbation references. Which makes sense if you think about it, because punk music is tends to be juvenile and simplistic, and lets face it, most of the sex you have as a juvenile is going to be with yourself and it doesn't get any simpler than that. On a side note, I'm a pretty big fan of punk music. *wink wink*

Pop music sex references tend to be pretty vanilla and generic much like the genre itself. The references are there but they're tired and overused. Again, just like everything within the pop genre. Not a huge fan of pop.

Rap/Hip Hop or what ever the fuck it's called these days is the one that actually irks me the most on a sexual level. Having worked in strip clubs I've been subjected to a lot of this particular genre. If a rap song isn't about money, drugs or "thug life" then it's gonna be about sex. I don't know what it is about these artists, but I were to use lyrics as an indicator of their sexual ability I'd have to say that these guys don't know how to fuck at all. Most of the time the song is about some dude talking about how feels like some "bitch" should be sucking his dick and then how she's such a "ho" for doing it. Call me crazy but I have about as much interest in fucking a selfish misogynist as I do listening to selfish misogynist bragging about how much pussy he gets over a loop of plagiarized musi...oops, I mean a sample.

I'm not gonna go through every genre of music, but I am going to end off with my genre. I'm an artist of the goth/electro/industrial variety. The sex songs are dark, psychologically driven, explicit at times and tend to be of the kinkier variety. Which pretty much sums me up. But I'll let you be the judge. My music video Lapdance Romance is a toned down version of my animistic side. Enjoy!

A Whore No More!

I'm a whore. Now, I know that you may be thinking...

What the fuck?
Really?
Why would you even admit that?
That's not something you should be flaunting online for the world to see!

While I'm not someone who exchanges sex for money, I am a big old whore nonetheless. For the past few years I've earned an income as an interior designer and I absolutely HATE it. I dread going to work everyday. I dread dealing with clients, and I hate the industry in general. I just do it for the money.

I feel degraded every time I have to absorb my client's rants, complaints and verbal abuse, and I just  want to scream at them, 

"YOUR HOUSE IS JUST A THING! RENOVATING IT ISN'T GOING TO FILL THE VOID IN YOUR LIFE, AND IT WON'T MAKE YOU HAPPY! JUST BE GRATEFUL THAT YOU HAVE SHELTER AND THE FINANCIAL MEANS TO IMPROVE IT!!!!" 

But I can't. It's not good for business, and the bottom line is... the bottom dollar. That is why I am a whore. I've let the bottom dollar control my life and it's made me miserable.

There is a light in all of this though. My life purpose is to create music and art and hopefully touch other peoples lives through my creations. I've decided to give up my "daytime whore job" as I've come to call it and dedicate my 9-5 time to making music and art full time! This is a huge leap of faith on my part because I'll be relying on my night job which is mostly tips to sustain me financially. I have faith and I am going to trust that all my financial needs will be met. 

I'm not religious, but I do believe that there is a Higher Power that will help me along my life path, and as long as I am being who I am supposed to be then I will be blessed in my endeavors.It's hard for me to admit sometimes that I am a person of faith because a lot of people will automatically label me as a religious kook. There's an extremely negative stigma associated with religion and it's hard for some to wrap their mind around the fact that one can have faith and not be religious. 

However, I digress, this post wasn't supposed to be about religion vs. faith, it was about me publicly announcing that I AM A WHORE NO MORE! What really excites me about this is that I'll be able to get so much more done, so much faster which means that you won't have to wait as long for the release of my album and music videos! In the meantime I'm offering a preview of a rough mix for We're All Whores which will be one of the tracks on my upcoming album. It sums up perfectly the trap that I think we all succumb to at some point in our lives.

Begging & Bragging For Votes

My music video Lapdance Romance is on the BEAT100 chart and I really need some votes to make it climb higher.

NOTE: To vote click on the blue link that says "View on BEAT100"  and then click the "Vote" button, or click here

My dilemma is how do I get my social media "friends" to vote for it without coming off as desperate and annoying. Truthfully, I know that of my 700+ facebook friends only a small fraction of them actually give a fuck about what I do as an artist and an even smaller portion actually enjoy the style of music I create. Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to come off as cynical because nobody like a whiny little bitch, but how do I get people to care about what I do?

I hate begging because it's undignified and I hate boasting because I don't want to be a Kanyesque douche who claims they're a "big deal." However, how do I reach a wider audience unless I start acting like I am a big deal and asking for people to help me?

Should I just do it? Should I just Kanye it up and tell everyone I'm a big deal enough times until they believe it too? It seemed to work for him. Maybe I should make a bigger deal about myself. After all I am pretty talented.

Should I beg for votes? I mean really, marketing experts tell us that it takes 3 impressions of an ad for us to even take notice of it. Maybe I should advertise my video 3 times a day on my feed and make a heartfelt plea about how much it means to me to have my art supported.

At the time that I'm writing this blog entry I've received 15 votes from friends on facebook. It's kinda disheartening. I'd love to get more votes. The votes won't make me any money, but the higher I climb in the charts is another achievement that I can add to my bio which will in turn make me look like a bigger deal when I submit my music to larger market media outlets.

So fuck it! Fuck my dignity, I'm going to be shameless, PLEASE VOTE!!!!!