I Got To Be A 'Video Chick'

I'm a 90's teen and a huge entertainment staple back then was the music video. I love music videos and as a musician and visual artist they are my favorite medium for communicating artistic content. Growing up watching music videos in the I was enamored by the visuals which often included a 'video chick.'  Generally speaking these women were placed in the videos to be eye candy and it worked because who doesn't like looking at a beautiful woman? If Instagram has taught us anything, it's that people still like to stare at meticulously crafted visuals featuring hot women.

I recently had the pleasure of getting to work on the Edges Of Seven music video 'Cave Wall.' At first I was just going to do some behind the scenes stuff like wardrobe, props and scenic art, but then I was asked to be in it as well. I jumped at the chance because for starters I'm a HUGE fan of Edges Of Seven and it's secretly been one of my bucket list items as a performer to be in a music video that wasn't my own.

The character I play is a parody of an Instagram model. Being a long time wannabe video vixen, I found the concept to be deliciously ironic and couldn't wait to ham it up on camera. The eyes moving around in the creepy masks are mine too. So without further delay...HERE IT IS!!!

New Killer Remix!!!! HEDONIST

A while ago I put out my feelers to see if anyone wanted to remix my song Hedonist. I got a couple nibbles and I wanted to share with you this amazing version of it done by metal producer and guitarist Blaize Caverly of Axon Rise. I'm really diggin' their stuff and I highly recommend taking a moment to discover more of their catalogue on You Tube.

I really love this arrangement of the song and the dynamics are fantastic. Listen for yourself.

If you dig it, it is available as a free download if you're on my email list. If you haven't already signed up you can do so here 

A Dark And Enlightening Journey: Part 7 of 10

PROJECT OVERVIEW

If you read this blog on any kind of regular basis you probably know that Borg Queen is a multidisciplinary art project where I get to use literally every creative and technical discipline that I've ever been trained in. For each song that I write, I do a painting to visually convey the concept behind the song because the way I look at is that why not use as many mediums as possible to explore all the facets of the idea I'm communicating through sight and sound. My latest album Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles is 10 songs, 10 paintings and 3 music videos telling the story of how I learned the some of the most important lessons in life from working as a stripper. Each post in this series will be a detailed analysis of each song and painting from the album. Today's piece is It's Over.

IT'S OVER

It's Over is a break up song. It's me ending all the unhealthy relationships I had cultivated over the 7 years prior. I ended my relationship with my abusive spouse, my unhealthy relationship with booze, drugs and money, but most importantly I ended my abusive relationship with myself. The song can be summarized in pretty much this one line from the bridge.

"Fuck You! I'm done! Fuck it all, I don't want to fall back in love with you again. Back in hell with you again"

SYMBOLS

The Bride: The bride is a pretty obvious symbol given the context of the lyrics. She sits calmly staring a a broken wine glass.

The Broken Wine Glass: Again, I love my visual symbols to have several meanings. In some Western particularly religious wedding ceremonies the bride and groom drink wine from the same glass. The smashed glass is the symbolic end to the relationship. Also, the broken wine glass symbolizes the end of addiction.

The Wilted Flowers: Another symbol of the death of relationships.

Buy this painting!

Fine Art Print Available here https://www.borg-queen-music.com/paintings

MUSIC AND LYRICS

The song is a bouncy dance rock song with a defiant tone. The song can be purchased as part of the album or as a single on my WEBSITE  

For a limited time let's say until midnight on May 20th, I will make It's Over available as a FREE DOWNLOAD

It's Over

I don’t wanna go to your after party
I don’t wanna fuck your fat wad of money
I don’t need your backstage pass cause you don’t get me off
And I am done whoring myself out
To further your cause
It’s over, It’s over, It’s over
It’s all over

I’m living it for me now
I’m no longer your slave now
I’m not your bitch anymore and I’m done with you
It was fun while it lasted but you need to know
I can’t stay here and rot, so I’ve got to let you go

I don’t have to sit here and let you fuck me up
And I don’t have to pretend that what you give is good enough
And I don’t need your empty promises or your alleged love
I’m not desperate enough
To be settling for this
It’s over, It’s over, It’s over, It’s so over
It’s over, It’s over, It’s over
It’s all over

I’m living it for me now
I’m no longer your slave now
I’m not your bitch anymore and I’m done with you
It was fun while it lasted but you need to know
I can’t stay here and rot, so I’ve got to let you go

So take your cheap words and swallow them
I hope you choke and die
Go swimming in your liquid lies
Go drown in your deception’
Go swimming in your liquid lies
Go drown in your deception’

Fuck you! I’m done! Fuck it all!
I don’t want to fall back in love with you again
Back in Hell with you again

I’m living it for me now
I’m no longer your slave now
I’m not your bitch anymore and I’m done with you
It was fun while it lasted but you need to know
I can’t stay here and rot, so I’ve got to let you go

It’s over, It’s over, It’s over, It’s so over

Get It's Over for FREE!!!

offer expires May 20th, 2017

Embed for It's Over

A Dark And Enlightening Journey: Part 4 of 10

PROJECT OVERVIEW

If you read this blog on any kind of regular basis you probably know that Borg Queen is a multidisciplinary art project where I get to use literally every creative and technical discipline that I've ever been trained in. For each song that I write, I do a painting to visually convey the concept behind the song because the way I look at is that why not use as many mediums as possible to explore all the facets of the idea I'm communicating through sight and sound. My latest album Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles is 10 songs, 10 paintings and 3 music videos telling the story of how I learned the some of the most important lessons in life from working as a stripper. Each post in this series will be a detailed analysis of each song and painting from the album. Today's piece is my personal favorite-HEDONIST.

HEDONIST

Hedonist is the fourth piece in the series and is visually and sonically the darkest. The preceding song Little Miss Liquid Courage is a satirical dig at mainstream beauty ideals and while light and pop sounding it hints at something much darker hiding beneath the surface. Hedonist is the revealation of the darkness, pain and dysfunction that I was dealing with at the time by self medicating with various hedonistic vices.

"I'm gonna drink, dance, fuck and snort the pain away"

Hedonist is about 2 abusive relationships that I was in at the time. The first being with myself and the second one was with my husband at the time. In retrospect I know that I attracted a person who was abusive to me because I was abusing myself. I firmly believe that we attract people who are in a similar head space to ourselves. The song is written in the past tense and I wrote it years after the abusive events had occurred as a victim impact statement so I could finally have some closure. I explore the victim impact statement aspect of Hedonist in what is my most popular post by far, The Art Of Sexual Assault.

SYMBOLS

The Suspended Vodka Bottle: It's suspended like and IV indicating that it is being ingested medicinally vs. recreationally

The Female Subject: She's completely dark and has her arms and legs amputated to symbolize that she's a victim of domestic violence.

The Demonic Hands: The demonic hands are the demons and vices that continue to trap the subject in her vicious cycle of abuse. They clutch on to her chest to show that they have a grip on her heart.

The Blood: I use blood as a paradoxical symbol within my work. Blood is life, but it is also death. The blood in this painting is the life draining out of the victim. Notice how her eyes are partially open to indicate that she is conscious of her situation. The blood from her body is also being drained by the tubes attached to her arm and leg stumps. Her very life essence is being sucked out of her.

The "Egg" Incubator: The tubes leading out of the victim are serving a purpose and that is facilitating the growth of her alter ego. If you've experienced addiction personally or have someone close to you who suffers from it, then you know how it transforms a person into a "shadow version" of themselves.

Buy this painting!

Fine Art Print Available here https://www.borg-queen-music.com/paintings

MUSIC AND LYRICS

My intent when writing this song was to tell a story in three different voices. My Preferred Self is the narrator refelcting upon the events that took place. My Shadow Self sings the chorus and My Broken Soul sings the bridge and reveals the depth of despair to which I sank and why I got there. It's a complex song with layers of sound and depth of emotion ranging from sexual euphoria to suicidal depression. This my favorite song on the album and can be purchased as a single or part of the album on my WEBSITE 

Hedonist

I use to be a good girl
I used to really care
But when you came along
Then I began to disappear
Since you think you're God
Then create someone new
Someone better than me
That'll serve only you

Hey You! Look what I've become
I'm your hedonist baby
All I want is to cum
You're getting used
While I'm being abused so
I need an anesthetic x3
To numb me to you

You got what you want
You made me this way
I'm gonna drink, dance, fuck
And snort the pain away
'Cause you got what you want
You made me this way
I'm gonna drink, dance, fuck
And snort the pain away

I must confess that I love the drugs
And I like to fuck, and I don't care who
And that my darling is why I love you

Hey You! Look what I've become
I'm your hedonist baby
All I want is to cum
You're getting used
While I'm being abused so
I need an anesthetic x3
To numb me to you

You got what you want
You made me this way
I'm gonna drink, dance, fuck
And snort the pain away
'Cause you got what you want
You made me this way
I'm gonna drink, dance, fuck
And snort the pain away

I can't take this anymore
There's nothing strong enough to numb me
I'm your whore
You've imprisoned me
In your web of lies
You struck my body
When I carried your child
You violate what's left of me
In every way
So I poison myself
To keep your assaults at bay
But these wounds you inflict
Are bleeding out as I pray
While I still drink dance fuck
And snort the pain away
'Cause there's a hole deep inside me
That you RAPE everyday
So I'll just drink, dance fuck
and snort the pain away

Hey You! Look what I've become
I'm your hedonist baby
All I want is to cum
You're getting used
While I'm being abused so
I need an anesthetic x7
To numb me to you 

BUY HEDONIST

A Dark And Enlightening Journey: Part 3 of 10

PROJECT OVERVIEW

If you read this blog on any kind of regular basis you probably know that Borg Queen is a multidisciplinary art project where I get to use literally every creative and technical discipline that I've ever been trained in. For each song that I write, I do a painting to visually convey the concept behind the song because the way I look at is that why not use as many mediums as possible to explore all the facets of the idea I'm communicating through sight and sound. My latest album Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles is 10 songs, 10 paintings and 3 music videos telling the story of how I learned the some of the most important lessons in life from working as a stripper. Each post in this series will be a detailed analysis of each song and painting from the album. Today's piece is Little Miss Liquid Courage.

LITTLE MISS LIQUID COURAGE

Little Miss Liquid Courage is the third piece in the series and is a continuation of the story. Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles the preceding song and painting is all about being consumed by the hollow pursuit of material wealth and becoming viewed as a fixture within strip club environment rather than an autonomous human being. Little Miss Liquid Courage expands upon the idea of losing ones identity and the pressure to conform to a very specific and unrealistic standard of beauty aka. the "human Barbie." Conforming to the human Barbie look isn't just specific to exotic entertainment, it's a beauty standard perpetuated by western pop culture in general. 

When I first started dancing I was stoked about it! I could make money by hanging out in a bar, having drinks bought for me and entertaining people on stage. As an artschool student in their early 20's it was a seemingly ideal situation for me, until I started to see the dark underbelly and politics of the industry. Because I was very pale skinned, had piercings, red haired and kinda gothy looking I was constantly getting bumped from gig lineups because of my look. My agent informed me that a few tweaks to my appearance would make me more bookable, All I had to do was "soften my look" meaning...take out the piercings, get a tan, dye my hair blond, lose some weight and get some fake tits. Another suggestion they made was to choose music that was less aggressive in nature, in other words dance to top 40 hits. As ashamed as I am to admit it, I took their advice and get a spray tan, dyed my hair, took out the piercings, starved myself and started dancing to music I hated compromising all my artistic integrity as a performer. I even attempted to get breast implants, but thankfully was denied financing because of my student loan situation. I hated myself and spiraled even further into alcohol and cocaine abuse.

Why did I compromise? Money. The fear of not having enough. The fear of being unable to pay for school and not get into a good career and become a failure in life.

SYMBOLS

The Cocktail: It's a Shirley Temple symbolizing youth, feminity and innocence.

The Female Subject: She's blond, tanned, skinny with obviously fake breasts. She's "sacrificing" herself to conform to the blonde bombshell beauty ideal mirroring the lyrics "you're a poser, plastic Barbie doll, platinum blond disgrace."

The Cherry: The pierced cherry symbolizes the loss of innocence, idealism, artistic integrity and becoming corrupted by money.

The Color Palette: I deliberately used pinks and purples because the song is about taking the female gender stereotype to it's extreme. 

Buy this painting!

Fine Art Print Available here https://www.borg-queen-music.com/paintings

MUSIC AND LYRICS

My intent when writing this song was to parody a pop song. I wanted something super catchy and dance-able, but I wanted to throw in a dark sonic undercurrent to show that underneath all the pink glitter and glamour there was a dark disturbing motivation behind the facade. This is probably one of my favorite songs on the album and can be purchased as a single or part of the album on my WEBSITE 

Little Miss Liquid Courage

Little Miss Liquid Courage you know what you are 

You’re a hot piece of flesh sequin clad pseudo rock star 

So strap on your stilettos get your ass on the stage 

And dance your panties off while you’re still all the rage 

Cause you’re a super star 

And they love what you do 

You only get so far 

Cause I hate what you are 

But you’re my Little Miss, Little Miss, 

Little Miss Liquid Courage 

Little Miss Liquid Courage wipe that smile off your face 

You’re a poser plastic Barbie doll platinum blond disgrace 

So pump up your tits they didn’t come to see your face 

Now you’re the perfect picture of female beauty and grace 

Little Miss Liquid Courage it’s time that you know 

What goes on behind that curtain, time for a VIP show 

You don’t have to get him off, just make him grow 

And then he’ll buy you a drink and even pay for your blow 

Cause you’re his super star 

And he loves what you do 

You only get so far 

Cause he hates what you are 

But You’re his Little Miss, Little Miss, 

But You’re his Little Miss, Little Miss, 

Little Miss Liquid Courage you know what you 

You’re a star, you’re a star 

Yes you are, yes you are 

And you’re my Little Miss, Little Miss, 

Little Miss Liquid Courage 

Liquid Courage x 3 

BUY LITTLE MISS LIQUID COURAGE

A Dark And Enlightening Journey: Part 1 of 10

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

If you read this blog on any kind of regular basis you probably know that Borg Queen is a multidisciplinary art project where I get to use literally every creative and technical discipline that I've ever been trained in. One of the reasons I named the project "Borg Queen" is in reference to a line from the movie Star Trek: First Contact where the borg queen character is first introduced. Data asks the queen who she is and she says to him, "I am the one who is many." In this project I, Jenny Kirby, am the one who is many. In the musical realm am a composer, lyricist, singer, instrumentalist, producer and audio engineer. For live and video performances I'm an actor, choreographer, dancer, character designer, costume designer, set designer, scenic artist, storyboard artist, makeup artist, prop maker, set dresser and art director. For the visual component of what I do ie. the paintings I am of course a painter and digital artist as well as an entrepreneur with a business education background. So, you could say I wear a LOT of hats and use a combination of traditional and digital media and tools to create worlds. Because I am the one who is many and my technique is all about merging the organic with the synthetic I feel Borg Queen is an effective metaphor. Plus, I'm a huge Trekkie.

OVERVIEW

For each song that I write, I do a painting to visually convey the concept behind the song because the way I look at is that why not use as many mediums as possible to explore all the facets of the idea I'm communicating through sight and sound. My latest album Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles is 10 songs, 10 paintings and 3 music videos telling the story of how I learned the some of the most important lessons in life from working as a stripper. Each post in this series will be a detailed analysis of each song and painting from Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles.

THIS IS REAL

This Is Real is about harsh reality that slaps you in the face during early adulthood. It's about the crushing weight of responsibility and that moment reality sets in and you realize that despite having, goals, talent, ambition and even a plan, there are circumstances out of your control and things rarely go according to plan. It's about shattered dreams, disillusionment and ultimately trying to cope with depression and anxiety when you feel like you're utterly failing in life. You start to feel like despite all your hard work you're not getting ahead or you're not getting to where you want to be in life fast enough. You question yourself. You lose faith. You lose hope and your youthful optimism dies.  In my case I turned to drugs and alcohol to cope and thought that if only I had enough money then I could solve my problems and get to where I want to be.

SYMBOLS

The painting is laced with visual symbols some of them with double meaning like the coins over the eyes that not only represent death, but also being blinded by the pursuit of material wealth. The smashed pumpkin and shattered glass slippers represent broken dreams and shattered idealism. In other words coming to grips with reality when your fairytale vision of how you think your adult life is going to be doesn't quite work out. The images of the shattered dreams are purposefully placed above the subjects head to show that she is being crushed the weight pressures of adult responsibility.  The bloodied feet are walking a painful path as the blood spills out and drips down into a wine glass which is part of the main subjects arm representing drinking your sorrow. The subject is emaciated looking on purpose to show that she is spiritually bankrupt and her only salvation is money.

This Is Real

Fine art print available here https://www.borg-queen-music.com/paintings

LYRICS & MUSIC

The song can be purchased as a single or part of the album on my WEBSITE

This Is Real

This ain’t no fairy tale (This is real) 

A riches to rags story (This is real) 

Cinderella used to be queen x 2 

But now her glass slippers are shattered 

Her ball gown is torn and tattered 

Dark voices start to whisper inside of her head 

Prince Charming is that slob snoring beside her in bed 

And all seems lost that ever mattered 

This ain’t a fairy tale (This is real) 

A riches to rags story (This is real) 

Cinderella used to be queen x 2 

But now her glass slippers are shattered 

Her ball gown is torn and tattered 

Before he came along 

She used to follow her dreams 

But now she sits in silence 

And just swallows her screams 

And all seems lost x 4 

Her God, her God she has forsaken 

She’s been consumed her soul is taken 

Mammon is her saviour now (He’s her only comfort) x2 

Money is god and he’s demanding his sacrifice x 4 

I don’t know what to do any more 

I’ve given up my dreams cause they just won’t come true 

My fairy godmother’s a myth and I hope you are too.(This ain’t no fairy tale) 

I don’t know what to do any more 

I’ve given up my dreams cause they just won’t come true 

My fairy godmother’s a myth and I hope you are too. .(This ain’t no fairy tale) 

I don’t know what to do any more 

I’ve given up my dreams cause they just won’t come true 

My fairy godmother’s a myth and I hope you are too. .(This ain’t no fairy tale) 

Too Many Fucking Hats!

In any business there's a game to be played if you want to get ahead. Music is definitely no exception. Artistically speaking I already wear a bajillion and one hats being a singer/songwriter/composer/instrumentalist/producer/engineer and that's just the musical aspect of what I do with my project Borg Queen. There's also the visual component of my project that has me working as a one woman art department making music videos with production qualities way higher than I really need to in this game called the music biz. Don't get me wrong I love working on all the artistic stuff, and even the technical aspects of it are fascinating and extremely rewarding. I'm not bitching about that at all.

What get's to me is having to promote myself. Social media is the worst. I'm not a social creature, and while I do enjoy getting public recognition for my art because it's something I'm proud of, I hate seeking attention for the sake of getting attention. However, that is part of the game now. I can't JUST be a talented artist, get a record deal and sit in my ivory tower making music while my label promotes me. Those days are gone. Even signed artists have to play the game. Mind you most of the really established ones have someone managing their social media for them.

It's a different game in many ways now, but something that hasn't changed is that it still is all about who you know. One of the best ways of getting "discovered" or just looking credible is getting some press. But how do you get press? The easy, effective but expensive way is to hire a publicist. Not really an option for me right now given that I spent all my money on creating super high quality content and crazy elaborate music videos.

So here I am wearing yet another hat writing press releases and submitting my music to every blogger that covers my genre, that's also linked to Hype Machine. Hype Machine if you're wondering is a very popular music blog aggregator, and if you get your shit on there, then larger publications start taking notice. So, the bottom line is you wanna get yourself some press and get on Hype Machine, so you can get even better press and have MORE people notice you. It's like being in high school all over again. Needless to say I didn't really give a shit about being popular in high school because I was too busy being an artist. Now, I'm too busy trying to be popular plugging my new album that I haven't had enough time to be an artist.

So there's my rant. I don't like wearing all these hats. I just want to be an artist, make music, make cool videos and perform. In case you were wondering what I needed the press for, it's my new album Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles that you can pre order by clicking on the image below.

If you buy it, I promise to use the money to hire a publicist so that I can return to doing what I do best...creating.

We're All Whores: Sneak Preview

I am so beyond the moon excited for this music video! This was so much fun to shoot and I just couldn't wait to share this little snippet with you. I'm giving away a free copy of this song on my website. Just follow this link and enter your email in the form to get your copy of We're All Whores.

Art Therapy

"..the painting is a really crucial part of the artistic process for me. I helps me organize my ideas and visually convey the concept behind every song."

I'm offering prints of my paintings as perks as part of my crowdfunding campaign

In my project Borg Queen I wear many hats. Having a career where I can use as many of my skills as possible and be creative has been a lifelong goal of mine. I knew I could never be content just doing one thing. I have to do all the things! The trouble was that I could never find a "job" where I could do that. When people ask me what I do I'm reluctant to tell them that, "I bring complex psychological concepts to life through as many artistic disciplines as possible" because it makes me sound like a pretentious douche, BUT that's exactly what I do. Most of the time I just tell them I'm an artist or a musician and that will usually segway into a conversation about all the shit that I do within this project that I call Borg Queen.

Today's post isn't about everything I do because that would make for an extremely long post, and who has time these days to read something longer than 5 paragraphs with all that other click bait you have to get to. Today's focus is the paintings that I create for every song that I write. Doing the painting is a really crucial part of the artistic process for me. I helps me organize my ideas and visually convey the concept behind every song.

My album Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles is 10 songs and 10 paintings that tell a true story of why I fell into addiction and how I found my way out. SDSBP is a coming of age story set in a strip club. Each song is a life lesson or insight I gained from working as a stripper. The first 5 songs are written from my perspective as an addict who had lost all hope and put her faith in money. The turning point in the album is when I have a spiritual awakening and the last 5 songs are written from my perspective as a woman who has come into her own and discovered her life purpose despite still being a stripper.

Track List & Paintings

Prints of all the paintings are being offered as perks through my current crowdfunding campaign on Indigogo https://igg.me/at/SexDrugsAlbum

1. This Is Real – 

It’s a reverse Cinderella story. It’s about having being a young adult with goals, hopes and ambitions, but having them destroyed by circumstances beyond control like illness, a bad economy and death. It’s about the huge mistake a lot of young people make which is making money a priority in life. I foolishly thought that money would solve all my problems and give me comfort, but when it didn’t I became depressed and turned to alcohol and drugs.

2. Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles – 

In short it’s about the trap of greed that a lot of strippers fall into. You get so obsessed with making money that you lose perspective and fall into a vicious cycle of making a bunch of money, but spending it as fast as you make and never getting ahead.

3. Little Miss Liquid Courage – 

It’s about me selling out to the playboy standard of beauty so I could make more money as a stripper. There’s a tremendous amount of pressure in the exotic entertainment industry to make yourself look as close to humanly possible as a Barbie Doll just so you can make more money. Sadly, I succumbed to that pressure and hated myself for it.

4. Hedonist: The Birth Of Venus Demilo – 

It’s about me coping with domestic abuse by turning to various forms of hedonism that were in turn killing me. My hedonist lifestyle took over my personality and eventually transformed me into the alter ego that I was playing on stage.

5. The Bottom Of The Glass –

 It’s about hitting rock bottom as an addict, being totally alone and just crying out to anyone or anything that will listen.

6. My Resurrection – 

It’s the turning point and about facing my demons of greed, abuse and addiction and telling them that they no longer control me.

7. It’s Over – 

It’s a break up song about my abusive relationship with my addictions.

8. We’re All Whores – 

It’s an insight that I had when a customer basically called me a whore for taking my clothes off for money. We all have a price. We’re all a commodity. We’ve all done something for money that we wouldn’t have done otherwise. Therefore, we’re all whores.

9. Lapdance Romance – 

When you’re a stripper you’re not supposed to fall for the customers, but it ended up happening to me. I tried to deny my feelings for him, but I couldn’t so I took a chance, gave up control and allowed myself to fall in love.

10. Imago Dei – 

It’s Latin for image of God. It’s about being a stripper and a person of faith at the same time.

Prints available through my Indigogo crowdfund here

I'm A Dress Up Whore

I love costumes! I love dressing up! I love escaping the mundane drudgery of everyday life by becoming a character of my own design. 

Growing up in an ultra conservative religious environment meant that Halloween was strictly off limits for me among many other fun things including secular music, all the good TV shows and movies. On top of it all, I went to a private school where we wore the most hideous unflattering uniforms imaginable. Yellow sweater vests with a below the knee pleated gray skirt, I kid you not. It was the worst!!! Now I'm not writing this as a "woe is me, I had such a deprived childhood kind of post," but rather to provide some context for my addiction to designing, making and wearing of costumes in every avenue of my personal and professional life.

My first costume making attempt was in my tweens. Madonna ruled as the queen of pop music and was sporting her Jean-Paul Gaultier iconic cone bra. She looked so powerful and sexy, and I fell in love with that image. I wanted to be that powerful sexy woman entertaining the masses so I figured that making myself a metal cone bra would be a good place to start. I woke up early one morning and busted out some tin foil and attempted to make one. As I was placing the cones over my non-boobs my mom caught me and freaked out. She scolded me on my lewd creation and asked me where I would even get such an idea. I didn't want to tell her that Madonna had inspired me as I figured that admitting to being a fan of secular pop star would get me into even more trouble.

Looking back on it now I'd say that my repressed childhood is probably what spawned the creative and apologetically sexual monster that I am today. 

It wasn't a conscious rebellion by any means. I wasn't just like "fuck society, I'm just going to make myself  into the biggest weirdo I possibly can be." I've just always loved being theatrical with the presentation of my art. As a child escaping into the worlds I got to create through theatre and dance were a form of therapy for me and it was through those characters that I felt I could express facets of myself that would otherwise be chastised by authority figures or my peers.

Even as a stripper I always was conscious of creating a fantasy character for the audience. I know that in all reality all most of the guys really cared about was getting to see me naked, but getting into a sexy character is liberating and that sexual energy transfers on to the audience. I didn't get into stripping to rebel against my conservative upbringing, but it certainly has been a creatively therapeutic experience not to mention a great way to fund my artistic pursuits. Not surprisingly my artistic pursuits invlove designing characters, making costumes and dressing up.

Here's are some of my favourite costumes that I've designed for my music videos. Some of which I am offering as perks in my current crowdfunding campaign here.

We're All Whores Music Video Costumes

I was super stoked for this particular costume because it was my childhood dream of owning a cone bra come true. I even rigged the nipples to squirt "crude oil" as an enviro political statement against the greed driven oil industry that is one of the biggest whore machines out there.

This steampunk cyborg costume is available as a perk on Indigogo

Behold, the aftermath of the cone bra!

Our "Shiny Pretty Whore" costumes that are a seductive green, the color of money.

Hedonist Music Video Costumes

Hedonist is defintely my most ambitious music video both as a concept and a production. It's 4 separate sets and sequences with several costume changes. I'm offering the victorian lingere set that I'm wearing in the still below as another crowdfunding perk. 

My distressed Victorian lingerie is being offered as one of my Indigogo crowdfunding perks here.

The Victorian ballgown-fetishwear costume was designed by me, but the latex and PVC pieces were made by Jenni Wong at Deadly Couture in Vancouver. BC. 

I did however construct the dress cage as seen below.

I will be updating perks and adding additional costume pieces to the campaign. 

Check out the campaign at https://igg.me/at/SexDrugsAlbum

If you see anything that you'd like to have as a perk for contributing feel free to email me borgqueenmusic@gmail.com

Fast. Cheap. Good...Pick Two

Holy Shit! It's been about a year since I posted in this blog. I guess my only excuse for not staying on top of posts is that I've been extremely busy with finishing up my album and making music videos.

It's been a very long production process but that's the nature of being an indie artist who doesn't settle for releasing poorly produced content. I don't have a huge budget and I've relied solely on myself to finance everything.

When I used to be an interior designer I would tell my clients that their choices as to how their projects could be completed are fast, cheap and good, but the catch is that they only get to pick two. If they wanted to renovate quickly and on the cheap, the quality would suffer. If they wanted quality work and we're under some serious time constraints it was going to cost them a pretty penny. This principle rings true for any production based industry ie. film, music, construction etc. Because I have chosen to create high quality recordings and videos and I don't have a lot of money to work with, it's not a quick process.

For the music I do everything myself with the exception of final mixes and mastering. I had the good fortune of scoring a fantastic engineer, Adam Fulton, who's worked with Paul McCartney, Will Smith and Master Chief(Halo). Our paths crossed when I took an audio engineering course he was teaching, and he was gracious enough despite his full workload of high profile projects to take me on. However, even when it comes to the mixing I am present in the sessions with Adam. It's been a fantastic learning experience for me on a technical level and also creatively rewarding getting to act as the producer guiding him as to how I would like the layer of sound sculpted to create what we call a "sound painting". Because artistic intent of the songs are very much conveyed by the way the music is produced and engineered on a technical level I felt it would fitting to have my engineer appear as a character in one of my music videos.

Me and my engineer Adam Fulton (3rd from left) on the set of my music video Hedonist.

Speaking of videos though,  I've decided to challenge myself by shooting 4 of them for the singles off my album Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles. Again, I do all of the pre production work myself, but have managed to score yet another talent director Arcelia Ocaña to shoot the videos. I love working with Arcelia! It's always a "yes" with her. Her positivity and enthusiasm are infectious. Not only does she produce top notch high quality work, but she fully immerses herself into the psychological head space of what ever it is that we happen to be shooting. For Hedonist, we shot a fetish orgy scene and she was yelling everybody on set that day to get "really, really horny." She wanted the sexual energy to permeate the room so that we would be drowning in it creating a truthful experience for the audience.

Arcelia Ocaña(2nd from left) immersing herself into the world of Hedonist that she helps me bring to life.

The fetish orgy scene from Hedonist. 

When it comes to fast, cheap and good, I'll never sacrifice "good" to get something done fast and cheap.  In the long run it's never worth it to cut corners. My art will be around way longer than I will so it may take longer to produce but the end results are totally worth it as can be seen from this teaser footage from my music video We're All Whores.

A Whore No More!

I'm a whore. Now, I know that you may be thinking...

What the fuck?
Really?
Why would you even admit that?
That's not something you should be flaunting online for the world to see!

While I'm not someone who exchanges sex for money, I am a big old whore nonetheless. For the past few years I've earned an income as an interior designer and I absolutely HATE it. I dread going to work everyday. I dread dealing with clients, and I hate the industry in general. I just do it for the money.

I feel degraded every time I have to absorb my client's rants, complaints and verbal abuse, and I just  want to scream at them, 

"YOUR HOUSE IS JUST A THING! RENOVATING IT ISN'T GOING TO FILL THE VOID IN YOUR LIFE, AND IT WON'T MAKE YOU HAPPY! JUST BE GRATEFUL THAT YOU HAVE SHELTER AND THE FINANCIAL MEANS TO IMPROVE IT!!!!" 

But I can't. It's not good for business, and the bottom line is... the bottom dollar. That is why I am a whore. I've let the bottom dollar control my life and it's made me miserable.

There is a light in all of this though. My life purpose is to create music and art and hopefully touch other peoples lives through my creations. I've decided to give up my "daytime whore job" as I've come to call it and dedicate my 9-5 time to making music and art full time! This is a huge leap of faith on my part because I'll be relying on my night job which is mostly tips to sustain me financially. I have faith and I am going to trust that all my financial needs will be met. 

I'm not religious, but I do believe that there is a Higher Power that will help me along my life path, and as long as I am being who I am supposed to be then I will be blessed in my endeavors.It's hard for me to admit sometimes that I am a person of faith because a lot of people will automatically label me as a religious kook. There's an extremely negative stigma associated with religion and it's hard for some to wrap their mind around the fact that one can have faith and not be religious. 

However, I digress, this post wasn't supposed to be about religion vs. faith, it was about me publicly announcing that I AM A WHORE NO MORE! What really excites me about this is that I'll be able to get so much more done, so much faster which means that you won't have to wait as long for the release of my album and music videos! In the meantime I'm offering a preview of a rough mix for We're All Whores which will be one of the tracks on my upcoming album. It sums up perfectly the trap that I think we all succumb to at some point in our lives.

Album Update!

As many of you may know when it comes to my studio recordings, I'm essentially a one woman show. I write, record and produce everything myself with the exception of having a studio engineer when I'm recording vocals. It has it's set of advantages for sure. I get to have full creative control and don't have to deal with all the ego competition that goes along with having a band or butting heads with a producer over creative differences.

The disadvantage of doing everything myself is that it takes a lot longer.  I now finally have all of the vocals recorded, but now I am faced with the daunting task of having to edit vocals and pitch correct everything. It's hours, upon hours of mind numbing tedious work, and when I close my eyes at night all I see is waveforms. Don't get me wrong though, I love a challenge, and it's a great learning experience, and the more I do it the faster and better I get at it.

The good news is that all my hard work is paying off because I do have the vast majority of my rough mixes done for the album. I've decided to share a couple of my mixes with you. I've heard that it's a big no-no to post unfinished work on the interwebs, but I've never been one to follow the rules so, here's a couple previews of what I've been working on so far. Bare in mind they are ROUGH mixes so all the shit that gets done to them to make them broadcast quality hasn't been done yet.