The Long Journey

Sometimes it feels like forever between the times that I actually get to do Borg Queen related stuff. I have so much on the go right now. I work full time as an interior designer. I'm currently working on a musical theatre production which requires me to go to 2 evening rehearsals a week. I'm taking part-time screen acting classes, and I have 2 large dogs. It's a lot to have to juggle.

I'm sure many of the artists out there have the exact same challenges with having to balance what they love to do with what they have to do. It's so difficult and frustrating at times! It can be easy to get discouraged too, but there's always that driving force inside that can't be ignored and it says, "Jenny, this is what you were born to do. This is why you're here on earth." It's true. Why else would we as artists be given these talents and abilities if not to use them and share them with the world around us?

We live in an amazing time where we have the ability and technology to do just that. I'm really learning to be thankful for the small victories and blessings of being able to create and share my art with the world. I hope all my fellow artists will listen to that voice inside them and be able to do the same. Today I am thankful that I own a a keyboard, a laptop with software that enables me to make music and then release it to the world. Today I am thankful for having a day off form work that I can work at my craft.

Life is hard. Success is a journey(a long one), and not a destination. We're fortunate that we never have to go it alone.

Triple Threatin' It

I am now officially a triple threat, and here's the evidence. Of course, I can't take all the credit. The concept was Arcelia Ocana's, the director who hired me for her project "Mime Love."

This project originated when I asked her if she'd be interested in making a music video for my song "The Bottom Of The Glass." I sent her the painting and the song with a brief explanation about the song being about my addiction to alcohol. I guess it inspired her. She had a green screen project that she had to do for school and she wanted to use my story, my art, my music and my services as an actor. Of course, I'm not one to shun the spotlight so I said yes.

"Are You Real" is the official title of the video, and it features two of my songs, "It's Over" and "The Bottom Of The Glass." The background is green screened and flashes several images of my paintings for my Borg Queen music and visual art project Sex, Drugs, & Shiny Brass Poles. This video is really the true story behind the inspiration for starting Borg Queen and my concept for Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles.

I wanted to do something where I could utilize all of my artistic skills, so I decided that I would make a series of paintings, and write a song for each painting. My eventual goal is to do a tour with theatre style rock opera performance for Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles, but I don't want to get too ahead of myself right now. I still have to finish painting and songwriting first. I've learned to apply the lessons in my recovery from alcoholism to my creative process. I just have to take it one day at a time.

Hero Worship - Dali, Depp, Burton, Reznor (Part 1)

Everyone needs a hero. When it comes to art I have 4 guys I absolutely adore. I could write a novel about the awesomeness of each one of these guys. However I won't, because nowadays the people who spend a lot of time online reading blogs have the attention span of a 2 year old with ADHD(no offense to you personally). I will be writing a multi entry blog about my heroes, Salvador Dali, Johnny Depp, Tim Burton and Trent Reznor and why they inspire me and the influence each one has had on my visual art, acting and music.

I would imagine most people know who these guys are. They're all pretty darn famous and have made huge impacts in each of their fields respectively, but for those of you who have just returned to civilization, here's a brief summary of each artistic genius and how they've been an influence on my career as an artist. I'll be writing an entry dedicated to each one in the near future.

Salvador Dali 1904-1989

Salvador or Sal as I like to call him was a Spanish surrealist painter. His most famous work is The Persistence Of Memory, otherwise know as "that painting with the melting clocks." Originally a draftsman, his technical drawing skills were highly developed and comparable to those of the Renaissance masters like Leonard Da Vinci, and are a crucial component in making his deeply psychological paintings so effective. His fine balance of technical perfection, creativity and conceptual communication is what I strive to achieve with my paintings.

Johnny Depp 1963-

Johnny Depp is an American actor who is best known for his portrayal of eccentric offbeat characters, like Jack Sparrow, Sweeney Todd, Willi Wonka and the Mad Hatter. Johnny himself is somewhat of an eccentric offbeat character with a no-compromise attitude who has risen to the status of an international sex symbol. As a person, I find that I have a few things in common with Johnny with being somewhat of a rebel and being unconventionally attractive myself. As an actor I aspire to showcase my uniqueness and Johnny Depp is a perfect example of how an artsy weirdo made a successful acting career by just staying true to himself.

Tim Burton 1958-

Little Timmy started out in his professional artistic journey as an lowly animator, just like me. He is now one of the most famous film directors(among many other things) out of Hollywood. His best known films include, Alice in Wonderland, Sweeney Todd, Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Sleepy Hollow, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Corpse Bride, Batman, Batman Returns, Beetlejuice and Edward Scissorhands. It is Tim Burton's visual aesthetic and "brand" if you will, that I fell in love with at a very early age. His unique portrayal of the world through the eyes of a innocent child with a macabre twist has a sincerity about it that draws me into his work every time(plus it looks cool). His movies inspire me as both an actor and visual artist.

Trent Reznor 1965-

Oh man, where do I start with Mr. Reznor? He's probably most famous for his industrial music project Nine Inch Nails, but he's also a producer, engineer, multi-instrumentalist, composer and revolutionary businessman. He is a rarity in that he is both right and left brained. He is equally an artist and scientist. He has wholly embraced technology as a means for baring his soul to the world, and creating art. He has impacted my life on a deeply personal, artistic and professional level, as an artist, musician and entrepreneur.

Hopefully that was helpful. I will be going into more specific detail about each one of these amazing people starting with Sal, so if Oedipus complexes, masturbation and Freudian psychology fascinate you, then you'll want to get to know Salvadore Dali.

Angst Makes For Good Art

So my personal life has been somewhat of a mess lately. The beautiful tapestry that was my relationship with my partner caught a snag about 2 years ago and began to unravel. As it unraveled we made numerous attempts to fix it, but to no avail, it was never the same again. It had become forever marred and over the past month it has become apparent that it's time to just let it go. Saying goodbye to a 4 and a half year relationship that started off with so much promise has been horrifically painful, and it's like walking around with a dagger in a still beating heart. With every pulse I am in agony.

This isn't a relationship blog so I'm not going into any further detail about the break-up, but there is something really great that has come of it all. My acting has never been better! Also my ability to sing and scream at the same time has returned too.

In the past week I was able to record a song that I had written about 2 years ago when my relationship started to really tank. The song wasn't written about my relationship with my then boyfriend, but was actually about me quitting drinking. At the time I started to notice the parallels between my dysfunctional relationship with my boyfriend and my dysfunctional relationship with alcohol, so I wrote "It's Over."

A few months ago I painted the corresponding painting. Interestingly enough it was at a time when it became apparent that the wedding that my then fiancee and I were supposed to have was never going to happen. The use of the bridal imagery and the wedding being cancelled are purely a bizarre coincidence. I didn't realize the connection until my mom asked me if the painting was about the wedding being cancelled. I used the bride because I needed something to symbolize an intimate relationship, and I needed something light colored to contrast against the dark background.

Now that it really is over, the real genuine pain that I feel makes it so much easier to scream-sing making the song much more effective. Also, with my acting I had to film something that required me to do a lot of crying and freaking out. No problem. All I had to do was release the emaotional flood gates and let the pain flow freely. Even in my last acting class my instructor noticed the difference.

Pain is a fact of life none of us can escape, but at least I've been able to take that pain and make some really good art.

You can't win 'em all... Or can you?

As an artist, my work whether it be a song, a painting or performance is always going to be subject to subjective opinion. Not everybody will appreciate or even think that my art is good. My own grandmother thinks that my paintings are horrible and not "good" art. Mind you, she's one of those people who only likes paintings of fruit in bowls and landscapes. *barf*


Does that mean that I've failed as an artist? No, but the real question is should I view my artistic "failures" with the attitude that "You can't win 'em all?"


I used to think so. In fact, that's how I would comfort myself if my work didn't "speak" to someone or my art was rejected from a gallery, or I didn't get the role I auditioned for, or didn't win the contest I entered. However, now I've started viewing my own artistic endeavors from a different perspective. If my art is to be viewed subjectively, then why not view my art career subjectively? Now, every time I create something I view it as a win. The mere fact that I overcame the inital fear of failure the precedes the artistic process is a win in itself.


For example, in the past couple of weeks, I submitted myself for 10 films. Out of that, I got 5 auditions, and out of that I was definitely rejected for 2 of the roles, I rejected one because the producer was a chump, I'm still waiting to hear back from one production and finally, one director absolutely loved my work and my look, so she hired me. I could look at this like I won 1 out of 5 or my success rate is 20%, but why should I? After all, I was prepared for each audition, I brought my best work to the table and I showed up and did my job as an actor which was show the casting directors their options for casting the role. Whether or not they thought I was "right" for the role is totally out of my hands.

Another even better example is that I submitted myself to The Peak Perfomance Project which is a music contest on 100.5FM The Peak. In total I believe there were 740 entries and the top 20 would all go on to "rock n' roll bootcamp," recieve several thousands of dollars and get hooked up with indsutry professionals so they could further their careers, not to mention they'd get a whole bunch of radio play as well. I was hopeful so I kept my fingers crossed, but alas I recieved the standard mass rejection email that was sent to all 720 of us losers. The winning side of all of this was that I regularily post my new songs on my facebook page and my biggest highschool crush(who I pined over for 7 years) happened to listen my stuff. He sent me the longest message telling me how amazing and talented I was!

So I didn't get to go to Rock N' Roll Bootcamp, but I impressed the hell out of my highschool crush. Really when you get down to it, isn't that what being a rockstar is all about?

Blessings In Disguise

Life is funny sometimes. You never know what's really going to happen and all you can do is make educated guesses as to what's going to happen next. The old expression "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" has been the running theme of this artist's life lately. I've had a horrible string of luck with my health lately which has forced me into taking a medical leave of absence from my job as an interior designer. In Canada as an employed individual I qualify for Employment Insurance for just such an emergency, but the downside is that it only pays me 55% of my regular income. However, money isn't everything.

The upside of all this is that I've had a chance to work on everything else that I can never find the time to do because I'm chained to the daily grind of my regular job which I have really grown to resent in the past year. It's not that being an interior designer is a bad job, it's just that when I could be spending my time making music, acting, singing and painting, designing kitchens and bathrooms for fussy, upper middle class, post-menopausal women all day really begins to lose it's luster.

In the past 2 weeks that I've had off, I've been able to start painting a mural to pay for my acting classes and voice over demo, I've been to 4 auditions, booked a role for a short film, written and recorded a song, met with a director friend of mine about an upcoming theatrical production and started writing this blog to help keep myself inspired and on track. I'm the sickest I've ever been, but I'm also the most alive.

Life is never predictable, it's like the ocean. Sometimes it's calm, sometimes it's stormy, but it's always changing and we can't control it. All we can do is take the skills we've learned and talents we've been given and use them to ride the waves and keeps our heads above the water.

"To Do" List Update - Success!

Well, I guess 2 out of 3 isn't bad for things to check off today's "to do" list. I didn't get to paint the super awesome pin-up painting for my partner Dan, but I did have a success in the acting arena.

I submitted myself for various student and independent films. The Vancouver Actor's Guide is a fabulous resource for "beginner" actors like myself to find auditions and other industry resources. There's a forum on there as well, and most of the other actors are very helpful and prompt when it comes to answering even the most basic questions. So, I submitted myself for 7 projects on VAG and I got 3 auditions so far out of it. Not too shabby. Actually it's probably because I bothered to shell out the extra cash for professional headshots.

Having a good headshot is really important early on in one's acting career as the resume will be quite lacking in credits. It's also good to have two headshots with different looks because it showcases the actor's versatility. I use the top headshot for roles that are sexy, wild, "bad" or alternative and the bottom one for younger, innocent, professional and more straight-laced characters.

I also checked out craigslist, and submitted for 3 projects and I did get one call out of it, but it sounds like it has about a 50% chance of being a little on the shady side, but I guess that's the risk you take when you go on craigslist for anything. Finally, I contacted 4 local reputable background agencies for extra work.

All in all, I'd say the working day was a success! Now on to the next step of preparing for these 3 auditions.