Little Miss Liquid Courage: Preproduction Introduction

I was on the fence about doing another music video from my album Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles for a couple reasons. The first reason is the huge time and financial commitment involved and secondly I'm really eager to get back to work on my next EP, Blood Sweat Tears. However I feel like I'm leaving something incomplete if I don't make a music video for Little Miss Liquid Courage. It was part of the original plan to make 4 music videos for Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles and I've decided to stick to the plan.

Context Is Everything

Little Miss Liquid Courage is somewhat of an oddity both visually and sonically. I wrote the song ironically to be a pop song because the big idea behind it is "selling out" and conforming to the mainstream. Within the context of the lyrics it's specifically about the pressure as a woman to conform to mainstream beauty standards. When I was a stripper in my early 20's there was tremendous pressure to look as close as possible to a Barbie doll. The closer you resembled Barbie, the more money the booking agents could demand from the clubs. I personally was told to "soften" my look. What this meant was, dye your hair blond, get a tan, lose weight, cover your tattoos, take out your piercings, get fake tits and stop dancing to punk and metal. At first I was like, "no fucking way" but after 4 weeks of not having any work I caved and took out my piercings, dyed my hair blond, got a spray tan and began dieting. I hated myself for it. I remember being up on stage rather drunk and dancing to J Lo in a pink sequined costume laughing at myself for being a ridiculous parody of a stripper. Little Miss Liquid Courage is the inner monologue I was having at that moment in time.

Telling The Story Through Color

LITTLE MISS LIQUID COURAGE
Art prints are available through my website. Click image to purchase

Color plays a huge role in telling the story. I'm completely out of my comfort zone as far as the palette goes. I gravitate towards blue, greens, reds and purples, but for this video which is visually based on the painting the palette is literally my two most hated colors...pink and yellow. As you can see in the painting below the predominant colors are pink, yellow, red and black.

In the video there are three sequences and sets each using a different symbolic color scheme. The narrative sequence which is non-conformist me singing the song is black and red. I don't know if you've noticed, but my Borg Queen brand colors are black and red.

The play room sequence where the nurses determine whether or not my character is girly enough is predominantly yellow and white. I used yellow a symbol of conformity because in my childhood I went to a private school which was religiously and socially oppressive to the point where I had a nervous breakdown at 12 and had to leave. The uniforms were yellow and I use white to symbolize the innocence of childhood and the sterility of a clinical environment in which my character is being observed.

The operating room where the nurses transform me into a Barbie through a variety of barbaric surgical procedures is pink. Pink is a pretty obvious symbolic color and in this case is used to represent female gender stereotypes.

Here's a little preview of the storyboard video I put together. Normally storyboards don't have color, but what can I say, I'm a bit of an oddity even when it comes to artists. I always like to get feedback so feel free to shoot me an email an let me know your thoughts. Hit me up at borgqueenmusic@gmail.com

If you would like to support this project financially, you can always grab yourself a copy of the album or some merch at my online store https://www.borg-queen-music.com/store

Art Direction: Telling The Story Of 'We're All Whores'

Life is art and art is my life. Cinematic art has been a passion of mine since childhood. I remember

watching Tim Burton movies as a child and getting lost in those meticulously crafted worlds. I’ve always had an appreciation for films and TV shows with a highly stylized aesthetic. After watching the movie What Dreams May Come I knew that I wanted to become an art director.

As a child of the 90’s who grew up watching Much Music I loved watching music videos. Back then music videos were a legitimate art form, and it became a dream of mine to make music videos. As a

multidisciplinary artist, music videos have been an excellent way for me to utilize and hone every

aspect of my craft. 

Because the music videos are essentially my paintings brought to life, I use the painting as a starting point when it comes to art direction. The painting determines everything from the color pallete used in the video to which visuals I will incorporate. Every visual element is deliberate and symbolic.

'We're All Whores'
Prints can be purchased for $20US at my store www.borg-queen-music.com/paintings

The Concept

'We're All Whores' is a satirical statement about how everyone is a commodity, and we're all for sale therefore "we're all whores in our own unique way." Because we exist in a society where money is essential to our survival we are all subject to greed and want. Greed has perverted every industry and profession and that's what the concept of the music video is all about. 

Characters

In the painting there are 3 professional fields represented--medical, oil and the justice system. The professions are depicted as "corrupted" versions of their respective industries. When you watch the video notice the transformation of the doctor, oil rig worker and judge into the whore versions of themselves. The professions are literally seduced by power and greed personified as androgynous steampunk machine-like characters by myself and Charlie Monroe.

The Doctor

The doctor, depicted on the left in the painting transforms into a serpent-like pharmaceutical whore with a syringe for an arm in the video. The serpent imagery is an allusion the use of the Rod of Asclepius(snake wrapped around a staff) as the common symbol for the medical field. As the "pharmawhore" he is dressed in fetish wear to show that medical field is being "perverted" by money from the pharmaceutical industry.

The Oil Rig Worker

The center figure in the painting represents the oil industry. A well muscled male torso is chained to an oil derrick with money and oil spewing out of it's amputated limbs to show that the greedy oil companies exploit the ideal of the American Dream instilled in the working man for profit. In the video "greed" and "power" make the oil rig worker is squirted with crude oil and coins are tossed on to his naked body as he is chained like a sexual submissive to an oil rig derrick. He is transformed from the stereotypical image of hardworking manly man into a bitch with a glitter beard. 

The use of coins vs. bills was intentional because in Alberta the hub of the Canadian oil industry it is common practice to throw dollar coins known as Loonies at strippers and a good chunk of that money being thrown is made in the oil patch. The oil being squirted on to the "oil rig whore" is coming out of the cone bra of my character which I designed to resemble and oil derrick to symbolize that the oil industry workers are suckling at the teat of "Big Oil."

The Judge

The figure on the right in the painting represents the justice system. In the video the character is a judge that transforms into the whore version of Lady Justice. The scales of justice are traditionally depicted as being balanced, but in both the video and painting one side is being weighed down with money showing that justice can be bought and the side with more money wins. Lady justice wears a blindfold because justice is blind and impartial, but our "whorish lady justice"'s are wide open and she's lovin' every minute of her degradation by my character who tosses coins on to one side of the scale and throws them at her face.

  

Color and Design

You'll probably notice that the dominating colors in the painting and video are green, gold and black. Green represents money. Gold represents power. Black represents greed. There are also two sets of characters played by myself and Charlie Monroe. The green feathered dancers were part of the sequence called the "Shiny Pretty Whores" and the scenes with androgynous steampunk characters we referred to as "Greed and Power."

Shiny Pretty Whores

The "shiny pretty whores" scenes are about the allure of money. Our green costumes were designed with the idea that we would portray money as attractive and shiny so we covered everything in a ridiculous amount of glitter and rhinestones. We went for a very hyper feminine organic look that incorporated feathers, and flowers because bright feathers and flowers are nature's way of commencing with the reproductive process. We dressed up a bunch of guys in our lingerie and danced around with them to show that we're all equally whores because of money.

Greed and Power

We wanted a stark stylistic contrast between the two scenes, so with "greed and power" everything was angular, mechanical and androgynous. The costumes were black and gold and our characters are mechanical to represent the capitalist machine that our society is governed by philosophically speaking. We're wearing top hats and codpieces with extremely white skin to represent the dominance of the white male in North American politics and business.

In Conclusion

You've probably already watched the video, but I encourage you to watch it again and take notice of all the deliberate little details that tell the story of our society of whores that have sold out in every way and made money the figurehead of our collective religion.

Finding Purpose

If you read my last post I mentioned that I felt compelled to make a booklet of my art and lyrics from Sex Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles to give as a gift to the women I've shared the stage with over the years to give some higher purpose to my art and the relationships I formed in the exotic entertainment industry. I wrote a dedication to my stripper sisters in the hopes that my experience in the industry plus my personal struggles with addiction and mental illness could serve as a reminder of hope in dark times. You can download a pdf copy of the booklet below or read the dedication in my last post

click to download pdf

Over the past few days I distributed the booklet and the response far exceeded my expectations. One woman sent me this that has really stuck with me over the past few days.

What resonated was she thanked me for giving purpose to what we do. It may seem odd think that there's a purpose to being a stripper other than making money, but there can be a purpose to any experience if we see our lives as purposeful. Every experience whether good or bad has purpose. Even the so-called bad things, poor choices and challenges can be turned into something positive. Difficult times can ultimately make us stronger, wiser and more compassionate if we choose to look outward rather than inward. If we choose learn from hard times, we can implement that knowledge to better ourselves and ultimately the world around us.

I truly believe that our time here on this planet can serve a greater purpose than perpetuating the cycle of acquiring material wealth, procreating and passing on our material assets to the next generation. I believe that every person has value and that value is not determined by their income potential, but rather who they are and what makes them unique.

Dedication: To My Stripper Sisters

I haven't written here for a bit or really worked on anything Borg Queen related because I needed a bit of a break. I've been stuck in a bit of a rut, not creatively but definitely on a personal level. So, I decided to switch it up. I spent the last two weeks engaging in way more social and recreational activities than I have in years. Mind you one of them was working on a film, but I'm a workaholic so cut me some slack on that one.

Having these two weeks off has given me perspective. It made me realize that I've been somewhat derailed when it comes to finding a higher purpose within my art. It was that lack of purpose that had sent me into that rut. By an incredibly bizarre turn of events which almost seem like divine intervention, I ended up having a series of conversations with a person who reminded me that my life experiences, talents and abilities should all serve a higher purpose.

I was reminded me of the original reason I wrote Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles. I wanted to pay it forward through my ability to create art and music. I've struggled with mental illness and at times addiction for a good chunk of my life. At times it's seemed hopeless and I've been trapped in a pit of despair, but eventually I was able to get through it, and what helped me get through was the example of other people who I could identify with who faced the same demons.

My personal inspiration was Trent Reznor. I could identify with him being a creative person as myself, and also the struggles with depression he wrote about in his music. It was comforting to know that I was not alone in those struggles. When he decided to get sober it inspired me. I looked at him and said to myself, "If he can go through all of that and come out on the other side a better person and an even more prolific artist, then so can I." My hope is that by sharing my journey it will do the same for people who can identify with me.

Last week one of the women I share the stage with as a stripper died. We weren't super close, but her death has affected me greatly because as "stripper sisters" we shared so many of the same experiences. I wanted to do something for the survivors, the women left behind. Because of the human condition we all have demons that afflict our lives, but our common experience as strippers means that we face a lot of the same struggles. So, I made a special hard copy booklet edition of my art and lyrics that I'm gifting to the women I have shared the stage with.

Click to download PDF version of the booklet

Even if you don't download the full booklet I still wanted to share with you the dedication on the front page.

To my stripper sisters,

I wrote these songs and painted these pictures about us for us. Even though we all come from different backgrounds, we share the same experiences in this unique world that we collectively create in the strip club. I've shared these songs to the world so that we could be humanized, for the moment we strap on those heels we become a commodity. It can be argued that in any job we are commodified, but our struggles are unique because our job requires us to be an unrealistic ideal of womanhood catering to the most basic of human needs. It's ironic that we sacrifice our humanity so that our customers can indulge themselves in the most basic of human instincts. 

Existing several hours a week as an alter ego that has a dollar value assigned to her can be isolating and dehumanizing at times and it's easy to get lost in the world of Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles. Losing your sense of identity and purpose is the gateway to mental illness which goes hand in hand with addiction and other self destructive behaviors. This collection of paintings and songs is my journey through world of strip clubs. It's the story of how I got lost in a world shrouded by depression and addiction, but found myself again. It's been extremely dark at times, but overall very enlightening. I'm sharing it with you in the hopes that if you are struggling through some dark times that you will know that you are not alone and there is always hope because your life has purpose and value.

Doing a job where our value is determined by our sex appeal, physical appearance and our ability to conform to what someone's idea of the perfect woman is, can make us lose sight of where our true value lies. If there's one message I want to convey to you it's that your value is intrinsic. It's not determined by how much money you make, how beautiful you are, or even how talented or intelligent you may be. Your value remains constant throughout your existence. On the day you were born you had no skills or abilities, yet your life mattered and had a purpose. It always has and always will.

I write this letter to you as Jenny Kirby the woman behind the alter egos of Venus DeMilo and Buffy. I started doing this job 17 years ago, and I've seen it all. I've done it all. I've experienced this world as 19 year old art school student paying her tuition. I've experienced this world as an addict crippled by depression. I've experienced this world as a single mother supporting her family. I've experienced this world as a woman trying to make enough money to leave an abusive relationship. I've experienced this world as an artist supplementing her income. I've experienced this world as an educated mature sober woman with a higher purpose and that purpose is to let you know that no matter where you are on your journey, you are loved, you have purpose, you have value and you can overcome anything.

A Dark And Enlightening Journey: Part 7 of 10

PROJECT OVERVIEW

If you read this blog on any kind of regular basis you probably know that Borg Queen is a multidisciplinary art project where I get to use literally every creative and technical discipline that I've ever been trained in. For each song that I write, I do a painting to visually convey the concept behind the song because the way I look at is that why not use as many mediums as possible to explore all the facets of the idea I'm communicating through sight and sound. My latest album Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles is 10 songs, 10 paintings and 3 music videos telling the story of how I learned the some of the most important lessons in life from working as a stripper. Each post in this series will be a detailed analysis of each song and painting from the album. Today's piece is It's Over.

IT'S OVER

It's Over is a break up song. It's me ending all the unhealthy relationships I had cultivated over the 7 years prior. I ended my relationship with my abusive spouse, my unhealthy relationship with booze, drugs and money, but most importantly I ended my abusive relationship with myself. The song can be summarized in pretty much this one line from the bridge.

"Fuck You! I'm done! Fuck it all, I don't want to fall back in love with you again. Back in hell with you again"

SYMBOLS

The Bride: The bride is a pretty obvious symbol given the context of the lyrics. She sits calmly staring a a broken wine glass.

The Broken Wine Glass: Again, I love my visual symbols to have several meanings. In some Western particularly religious wedding ceremonies the bride and groom drink wine from the same glass. The smashed glass is the symbolic end to the relationship. Also, the broken wine glass symbolizes the end of addiction.

The Wilted Flowers: Another symbol of the death of relationships.

Buy this painting!

Fine Art Print Available here https://www.borg-queen-music.com/paintings

MUSIC AND LYRICS

The song is a bouncy dance rock song with a defiant tone. The song can be purchased as part of the album or as a single on my WEBSITE  

For a limited time let's say until midnight on May 20th, I will make It's Over available as a FREE DOWNLOAD

It's Over

I don’t wanna go to your after party
I don’t wanna fuck your fat wad of money
I don’t need your backstage pass cause you don’t get me off
And I am done whoring myself out
To further your cause
It’s over, It’s over, It’s over
It’s all over

I’m living it for me now
I’m no longer your slave now
I’m not your bitch anymore and I’m done with you
It was fun while it lasted but you need to know
I can’t stay here and rot, so I’ve got to let you go

I don’t have to sit here and let you fuck me up
And I don’t have to pretend that what you give is good enough
And I don’t need your empty promises or your alleged love
I’m not desperate enough
To be settling for this
It’s over, It’s over, It’s over, It’s so over
It’s over, It’s over, It’s over
It’s all over

I’m living it for me now
I’m no longer your slave now
I’m not your bitch anymore and I’m done with you
It was fun while it lasted but you need to know
I can’t stay here and rot, so I’ve got to let you go

So take your cheap words and swallow them
I hope you choke and die
Go swimming in your liquid lies
Go drown in your deception’
Go swimming in your liquid lies
Go drown in your deception’

Fuck you! I’m done! Fuck it all!
I don’t want to fall back in love with you again
Back in Hell with you again

I’m living it for me now
I’m no longer your slave now
I’m not your bitch anymore and I’m done with you
It was fun while it lasted but you need to know
I can’t stay here and rot, so I’ve got to let you go

It’s over, It’s over, It’s over, It’s so over

Get It's Over for FREE!!!

offer expires May 20th, 2017

Embed for It's Over

Live On The Air

On April 30th I had the pleasure of being a guest on Radio Alicia CJSF 90.1FM hosted by Oswaldo Perez Cabrera. I performed 4 songs live throughout the show and was interviewed about my new album Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles. Here's the show in it's entirety.

The part featuring me begins on the player below at the 7:44 mark.

I continue my interview and performing some more music at 00:01 below

I start another live performance at 18:12 on the player below, but stay tuned until the end of the show because they do play more of my album throughout.

Signing a poster for my gracious host Oswaldo Perez Cabrera

Belting out my favorite song off the album Hedonist

Don't forget that you can purchase physical copies of the album from my store on the OFFICIAL BORG QUEEN WEBSITE, but since I'm feeling generous I am currently offering a 4 FREE SONG digital download. Just click on the image below and you will be directed to the page. Enter your email and have the music delivered instantly to your inbox.

In The Moment

I remember the first time I felt the tight grip of depression. I was 7. It was a sunny spring day and I was having dinner. In a singular moment I felt a disconnect from the world around me. I was aware of the weather, my family and the delicious meal in front of me, but it all of a sudden the significance of it disappeared. I went inside myself and began asking myself questions, like "what is the point of all of this? Does it matter? I'm just going to grow up, only to die and in the meantime I'm just finding things to do to kill time before my inevitable demise." I looked at my food and was no longer hungry. I felt a heavy weight in my chest. I sat there at the dinner table that evening at seven years old questioning my existence while the rest of my family shoveled food into their faces. I had never felt so overwhelmed yet empty at the same time. I had traveled to a dark lonely place I didn't know had existed until that moment. I didn't want to be there. I wanted to leave that dark corner of my mind and forget it, but it's one those things that once you learn of its existence there's no unlearning it.

The next day I woke up and went about my day as per usual, school, ballet, dinner, TV and then bed. I didn't go to that place, I stayed in the moment all day. I was connected to my world again. The weight in my chest wasn't there. I had snapped out of my shadow place and come back to the present.

I didn't revisit that place until a few years later. I was 10 and would get drawn back into myself for a day or two and then snap back to the present, but as I got older the frequency and duration of my visits to the void increased. Eventually I began to dwell there. When you make that place a home is the point where it becomes clinical depression, and when something is clinical, it means that there's usually some kind of medication to make you forget about the void.

I've tried several forms of medication to alleviate my depression. Some of the medications have been prescribed by a doctor, others I have prescribed for myself. Whatever my drug of choice has been whether it's Zoloft, alcohol, sex or work, it's never been entirely effective. I still slip away into the void. Why is that?

The answer can be found in childhood itself. The thing I miss the most about being a kid is living in the moment every second of the day. While medicating depression can be helpful to address the neuro chemical issues that are going on, I've noticed that medication in it's many forms only part of the solution. When I am mindful of the present, I can escape the void.

I've been struggling with some pretty serious depression over the past year and for reasons I'm not going into right now, I can't take prescription drugs. I also refuse to self medicate because I know for myself it's a slippery slope back into addiction. So what do I do?

I become like a child again. It's a form of self care. I play. I think about nothing else except what I'm doing in that moment of play and I relish it.

Playing can really be anything as long as it's done purely for enjoyment and there is no responsibility attached to it. For example, I go for walks in the nature and imagine that I'm exploring a new world. I touch the bark of the trees. I feel the sensation of the texture on my fingertips. I look at the leaves and notice the veins. I look at my skin and see my own veins. I pretend that I'm a tree and feel my feet on the ground. I picture my body drawing the nutrients out of the earth and it's life flowing into my veins just like the leaves. It may sound silly, but it helps.

I know that one day I won't visit the void nearly as often. For now it's a struggle, but as long as I take the time to play I can bring myself back to the moment and back to life.

My favorite song is Nine Inch Nails' Into The Void because not only is it a beautifully crafted piece of music, but lyrically describes exactly the struggle I've faced when trying to fight depression. This line from the song sums it all up.

"Try to save myself, but myself keeps slipping away."

I'll leave you with the song. I urge you to listen to it, in it's entirety. Sometimes it helps to know you're not alone in the void.