Am I Crazy?!?!

I ask myself this every day. Am I crazy at my age and with all of my other responsibilities to still try to make a career for myself as an entertainer? The answer is yes, I am crazy, but I think all artists are to varying degrees.

I don't want to do anything else with my life, but sometimes it can get discouraging and I feel lost. Today is one of those days. I'm attempting to write a business plan so that I can get financing to finish my album Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles, but right now I'm feeling like I've gotten in way over my head.

I have written a business plan before for when I had a mural painting company and I did a great job writing it, but writing a plan for being a musician/performer is an entirely different beast. Thankfully, with the magic of the Internet I did manage to find a template for business plans for musicians, and also a sample plan of an actual band. However, this is going to take some time to complete and right now I just need money to finish the damn album!

I'm getting frustrated and impatient with myself. I tell myself "Jenny, it will all happen when it's supposed to happen and how it's supposed to happen. You just gotta have faith and keep on working step by step toward your goals." The problem is that my goals are always so damn lofty, and most people wouldn't even attempt to do what I'm doing. So the real question is "Am I crazy or just really brave?" I think I'm going to go with 95% Brave and 5% Crazy(just to keep myself interesting).

MONEY! The cause of and solution to all my problems.

Artists are slaves to their art, but money makes slaves of us all.

Ah money. How I loathe thee, but if I only had more my life would be so much easier. I learned a long time ago that money does not make me happy, but it sure as hell would make my artistic career aspirations come to fruition a LOT sooner and with greater ease. I find myself faced with the same old dilemma that most artists, whether they be actors, musicians or really any self employed creative individual is faced with. How do I get the money that I need to launch my career and support myself, and still have enough time to work on my career while balancing my stupid(and often low paying) regular Joe job and working on the career that I really love and want to do?

Starting out in any business is not easy, and the music business is no exception. I need money to finish my album and produce my show based on the album I'm writing, and let me tell ya, my regular jack-off job as an interior designer ain't cuttin' it. Yes, I have enough money to live and put food on the table, but there's barely any extra to throw into my music. It also doesn't help that I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world where the cost of living is ridiculous! Don't get me wrong, I love Vancouver and I certainly wouldn't want to live anywhere else in Canada given a choice, and where else am I going to find the resources, people, and market to launch an arts and entertainment career in Canada? Toronto, maybe, but who the hell wants to live there? Angry people who like the Toronto Maple Leafs, acid rain and cold winters, that's who, but that's not me, so here I am struggling to make a living in beautiful, temperate, laid-back Vancouver while trying to scrape together enough cash to make a go of it with my music and art.

So what do I do? Do I turn to the oldest profession and whore myself to upscale clientele at $500/hr(yes, I'm that good)? Hopefully not. My plan A is to determine how much money I need to finish the album and produce the show, and then try to get a business loan from the bank. Of course, this plan presents it's own set of challenges. First, I need to write up a business plan in order to be taken seriously by any financial institution. Thankfully, I have done this before and know what to do. So next, on my ever growing list of things to do is write up a business plan for Borg Queen and present it to the bank, and pray to God that they think I'm as awesome as I think I am and lend me the money I need to continue to follow my dreams. Wish me luck because I'm going to need it.

A Night Out With Fellow Artist Carol Cox

So last night I braved a 1.5 hour ride on public transit in heels while 8 months pregnant to go check out the music video premiere of fellow artist and friend Carol Cox. Was it worth it? Hell yes! Not only was it great to get out after several months of being a pregnant shut in, but it's always a great feeling to share a pivotal moment in another artist's career.

Now, my interest in nightclubs has definitely taken a nose dive since I decided to sober up a few years ago, but Carol's energy and lust for life is so bloody infectious that I found myself jumping on the dance floor and shaking my ass(or what's left of it) until I forced myself to stop because I started to get contractions!

As the video premiered I found myself being quite impressed by the genuine emotional depth of the lyrics of what is essentially a pop song. As a general rule I'm not a huge fan of pop, but I find that Carol's work is distinctive because she actually writes her own songs and her song "Wasted" retained it's own unique soul in what is generally an over-produced, vapid, and soulless genre of music. The video was sexy, beautiful, energetic and shot entirely with green screen! All in all I had a great night.

Lapdance Romance - Explained

This song and painting based on my first meeting with my partner now of 5 years. I'm usually not one to divulge the full stories behind my creations whether it's art or music, but this one does tell a very specific story and all of the imagery and lyrics are directly related to it.

The opening line of the song is "So you're my next victim?" which was precisely the first thing that came out of my mouth when we first met in an Edmonton strip club that I was working at. The first think that struck me about him was his eyes. They were the color of absinthe and much like the drink made me feel giddy and completely out of control. Not a great place to be when you're about to give someone a VIP show. The entire time I was dancing for him I was resisting my attraction in order to remain cool, confident, in control and professional. Strippers are not supposed to fall for their clients, and here I was not only finding myself incredibly attracted to this guy, but it turns out that he was really sweet, charming, funny, intelligent and respectful too. On a whim I decided to accept his invitation sit down and have a club soda with him. I invited him back the next day so we could go out for a coffee after I was done work. Well, coffee turned into what I honestly thought was going to be a one night stand, which turned into a 1 and a half year long distance realtionship and eventually a permanent partnership.

Who says you can't find love in a strip club?

The Long Journey

Sometimes it feels like forever between the times that I actually get to do Borg Queen related stuff. I have so much on the go right now. I work full time as an interior designer. I'm currently working on a musical theatre production which requires me to go to 2 evening rehearsals a week. I'm taking part-time screen acting classes, and I have 2 large dogs. It's a lot to have to juggle.

I'm sure many of the artists out there have the exact same challenges with having to balance what they love to do with what they have to do. It's so difficult and frustrating at times! It can be easy to get discouraged too, but there's always that driving force inside that can't be ignored and it says, "Jenny, this is what you were born to do. This is why you're here on earth." It's true. Why else would we as artists be given these talents and abilities if not to use them and share them with the world around us?

We live in an amazing time where we have the ability and technology to do just that. I'm really learning to be thankful for the small victories and blessings of being able to create and share my art with the world. I hope all my fellow artists will listen to that voice inside them and be able to do the same. Today I am thankful that I own a a keyboard, a laptop with software that enables me to make music and then release it to the world. Today I am thankful for having a day off form work that I can work at my craft.

Life is hard. Success is a journey(a long one), and not a destination. We're fortunate that we never have to go it alone.

Triple Threatin' It

I am now officially a triple threat, and here's the evidence. Of course, I can't take all the credit. The concept was Arcelia Ocana's, the director who hired me for her project "Mime Love."

This project originated when I asked her if she'd be interested in making a music video for my song "The Bottom Of The Glass." I sent her the painting and the song with a brief explanation about the song being about my addiction to alcohol. I guess it inspired her. She had a green screen project that she had to do for school and she wanted to use my story, my art, my music and my services as an actor. Of course, I'm not one to shun the spotlight so I said yes.

"Are You Real" is the official title of the video, and it features two of my songs, "It's Over" and "The Bottom Of The Glass." The background is green screened and flashes several images of my paintings for my Borg Queen music and visual art project Sex, Drugs, & Shiny Brass Poles. This video is really the true story behind the inspiration for starting Borg Queen and my concept for Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles.

I wanted to do something where I could utilize all of my artistic skills, so I decided that I would make a series of paintings, and write a song for each painting. My eventual goal is to do a tour with theatre style rock opera performance for Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles, but I don't want to get too ahead of myself right now. I still have to finish painting and songwriting first. I've learned to apply the lessons in my recovery from alcoholism to my creative process. I just have to take it one day at a time.

Hero Worship - Dali, Depp, Burton, Reznor (Part 1)

Everyone needs a hero. When it comes to art I have 4 guys I absolutely adore. I could write a novel about the awesomeness of each one of these guys. However I won't, because nowadays the people who spend a lot of time online reading blogs have the attention span of a 2 year old with ADHD(no offense to you personally). I will be writing a multi entry blog about my heroes, Salvador Dali, Johnny Depp, Tim Burton and Trent Reznor and why they inspire me and the influence each one has had on my visual art, acting and music.

I would imagine most people know who these guys are. They're all pretty darn famous and have made huge impacts in each of their fields respectively, but for those of you who have just returned to civilization, here's a brief summary of each artistic genius and how they've been an influence on my career as an artist. I'll be writing an entry dedicated to each one in the near future.

Salvador Dali 1904-1989

Salvador or Sal as I like to call him was a Spanish surrealist painter. His most famous work is The Persistence Of Memory, otherwise know as "that painting with the melting clocks." Originally a draftsman, his technical drawing skills were highly developed and comparable to those of the Renaissance masters like Leonard Da Vinci, and are a crucial component in making his deeply psychological paintings so effective. His fine balance of technical perfection, creativity and conceptual communication is what I strive to achieve with my paintings.

Johnny Depp 1963-

Johnny Depp is an American actor who is best known for his portrayal of eccentric offbeat characters, like Jack Sparrow, Sweeney Todd, Willi Wonka and the Mad Hatter. Johnny himself is somewhat of an eccentric offbeat character with a no-compromise attitude who has risen to the status of an international sex symbol. As a person, I find that I have a few things in common with Johnny with being somewhat of a rebel and being unconventionally attractive myself. As an actor I aspire to showcase my uniqueness and Johnny Depp is a perfect example of how an artsy weirdo made a successful acting career by just staying true to himself.

Tim Burton 1958-

Little Timmy started out in his professional artistic journey as an lowly animator, just like me. He is now one of the most famous film directors(among many other things) out of Hollywood. His best known films include, Alice in Wonderland, Sweeney Todd, Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Sleepy Hollow, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Corpse Bride, Batman, Batman Returns, Beetlejuice and Edward Scissorhands. It is Tim Burton's visual aesthetic and "brand" if you will, that I fell in love with at a very early age. His unique portrayal of the world through the eyes of a innocent child with a macabre twist has a sincerity about it that draws me into his work every time(plus it looks cool). His movies inspire me as both an actor and visual artist.

Trent Reznor 1965-

Oh man, where do I start with Mr. Reznor? He's probably most famous for his industrial music project Nine Inch Nails, but he's also a producer, engineer, multi-instrumentalist, composer and revolutionary businessman. He is a rarity in that he is both right and left brained. He is equally an artist and scientist. He has wholly embraced technology as a means for baring his soul to the world, and creating art. He has impacted my life on a deeply personal, artistic and professional level, as an artist, musician and entrepreneur.

Hopefully that was helpful. I will be going into more specific detail about each one of these amazing people starting with Sal, so if Oedipus complexes, masturbation and Freudian psychology fascinate you, then you'll want to get to know Salvadore Dali.