I'm A Dirty Girl

We humans are a filthy breed. Covered in various microorganisms on the outside, our intestines filled with harmful and helpful bacteria battling it out for dominance. As contaminated as our physical form is, it is no competition to how foul and wretched the deepest recesses of our minds and hearts can be reduced to under the right set of conditions.

We may enter this world pure and clean, but none of us leave this life unscathed. Even the most sheltered and naive of our race sustain a few scratches. It is our human condition. We cannot escape adversity. It is the nature of our existence. In fact, overcoming adversity is a necessity for our survival individually and collectively as a species. In this imperfect existence that we must all endure, some of us will face trauma. Some of us will be victims of trauma and will likely perpetuate the suffering we've endured. Often the victim attempts to take control of their pain by becoming an abuser. Sometimes this perpetuation of injury is deliberate and sometimes we simply pass on our stress to those closest to us.

Because of our damaged condition we transform ourselves into inadvertent abusers. Many of us turn our abuse inward. We form destructive habits and addictions. I am no exception. As fortunate as I am to live in a time that couldn't be more ideal for a white, North American woman, I have still endured violence, trauma and pain. As a result, I am a dirty girl, with a filthy mind and polluted heart.

My aim as an artist is to convey the inner recesses of the human psyche, and let's face the truth, as moral as we may try to be the furnishings of our souls will always be covered in thin layer of dirt at best. At worst our interiors are broken, corroded and decaying. Whether it be with my music or visual art I'm adding layers of paint and sound to create texture and covey the complexity of our imperfect condition.

I'd like to show you some examples of how I use technique to integrate artistic intent into the sets and props of my music videos. As an art director I feel that the message of any work of art is more impactful when the technique used to create the visual or sound is mirrored in the concept. One of the more recent examples of this is the fetal growth tank I fabricated for my music video Hedonist. The fetus growing in the tank represents the alter ego that addicts become when they're using.  The tank is corroded and covered in layers of dirt and grime.

Such a tank is by nature dysfunctional, just as the environment is that breeds addiction. I used layer upon layer of paint, glues and textures to create the corrosion, just as it takes layers of dysfunction to create the right environment to grow an addict.

I've come to realize the I do dirty, complex and real very well. I think because I'VE come to terms with the fact that dirty, complex and real is my nature. I'VE accepted it. That doesn't mean however that I didn't hide from it or try to pretty it up with some fancy window dressing. My song We're All Whores is all about exposing our true nature as modern humans by showing that we are all prostitutes to our system of commerce in one way or another. I use stripping as a visual metaphor in the music video to relate this idea. Strippers aren't the only ones stripping in strip clubs. The environment is designed to strip the patrons down to their very base instincts. I ran with this idea a little further and showed the patrons as strippers being stripped down by the strippers. Here's a little teaser clip from the music video.

So why expose the filth that permeates us to our core? Because in order to better ourselves and the world around us we must first address our dysfunction so that we can take responsibility for it and create positive change within ourselves and as a society. 

SPOILER ALERT! Preview For Hedonist Music Video Script - Part 4

Today's blog post is Part 3 of a 4 part series where I am giving you a preview of the actual script we'll be using to shoot my upcoming music video Hedonist.

Hedonist the music video has been a huge undertaking. As pleased as I am with my last music video Lapdance Romance, my goal is to make Lapdance Romance look like and idiot compared to Hedonist. Hedonist is going to have 4 sets  with separate action sequences that relate the overall concept of the song visually. I've decided to post the scripts I've written for each set in a 4 part series.

In my first post of this series I revealed the script for The Psychiatrist's Office of  the Mind's Eye. It' lays down the premise and overall concept for the video.

The the second of the sets is what I've called The Padded Cell of Hedonism. The set is where my character goes to escape the pain of being abused, and is a visual metaphor for my character's relationship with hedonism. Hedonism is portrayed as a physical being who rules the world inside the cell and ultimately seduces my character to over indulge in substance use until she becomes an addict.

The third set is called The Padded Cell of Terror and Art Therapy

This set is all about my character "The Patient" coming to the grim realization that she is an addict trapped in a vicious cycle of domestic abuse and substance abuse.

The fourth and final set is simply titled...

The Operating Room

The Operating Room is not only about the abusive relationship between the domestic violence victim and their abuser, but also the abusive relationship between the domestic violence victim and herself. The domestic violence victim uses substance abuse as an escape from the pain of  the violence and through the use of drugs and alcohol creates an alter ego for herself as depicted in the script below.

THE OPERATING ROOM

by JENNY KIRBY

Scene 1

INT: Operating Room

A continuation from the last scene of Little Miss Liquid Courage the patient lays motionless on the operating table. Her chest and head wounds from where she tore off her fake stapled on breasts and hair are gushing blood. Surgeon #1 and Surgeon #2 enter wearing white “Howie coats” and full biohazard masks that hide their identity. Surgeon #1 straps the patient down and places the patients head in the vice grips at the top end of the table. Surgeon #2 pries the patient’s mouth open with a metal mouth speculum, shoves a tube inside the patient’s mouth, then connects the tube to a vodka bottle suspended from an IV stand.

Next to the operating table is a metal tray with surgical instruments and power tools. Surgeon #2 marks 4 circles on the patient’s torso and then hands surgeon #1 a scalpel. Surgeon #1 slices into the patient’s skin dragging the scalpel along the perimeter of the marked circles. Surgeon #1 peels off the circles of cut out skin as Surgeon #2 wipes away the blood leaking out of the incisions.

Surgeon #1 digs into the wound with a pair of surgical tweezers and fishes around inside the wound which causes more blood to begin gushing out. Surgeon #2 uses a sponge to absorb and wipe away the excess blood. Then Surgeon #2 pokes her finger into the wound and pulls out an artery. Surgeon #1 places 2 clamps on the artery and cuts between the two clamps with a pair of scissors. Surgeon #2 lifts the bottom of Surgeon #1’s mask revealing his mouth and wipes the blood off her gloved finger on to his lips. Surgeon #1 licks the blood from his lips and smiles.

SURGEON #1

“Oh! You taste so good”

Scene 2

INT: Operating Room

In the back corner to the left of the operating table sits a cylindrical glass tank with a metal base that is made up of several small piece held together by rivets. Inside the glass tank is a living growing fetus. Several small tubes are connected to the fetus and lead down into the metal base. At the bottom of the metal base are 4 large black tubes that carry nutrients to the fetus and waste away from the fetus.

Surgeon #1 stretches the patient’s circular incisions open and inserts a short metal cylinder with a flared base into each circular incision. The flared base has screw sockets and is positioned just under the skin. The cylindrical portion juts out of the wound and will fit inside the opening of the large black tubes.  

Surgeon #2 is holding a large black tube at the open end and pulls a small catheter type tube from inside. Surgeon #1 pulls the clamped end of an artery out of one of the patient’s incisions as Surgeon #2 inserts the catheter tip into the artery.

After the surgeons have repeated this procedure for all of the catheter tubes, Surgeon #1 attaches the black hose into the circular incisions by placing the opening of the black tube over the metal cylinder jutting out of the incision an screwing the flared opening of the black tubes into the skin and down into the sockets of the flared base of the metal cylinder inside the wound.

The patient’s body now provides nourishment to the growing fetus inside the tank. Surgeon #1 pulls off his mask and reveals his face. He’s a sinister looking man with a sadistic gleam in his eye. Surgeon #2 pulls the mask off her face revealing her identity. She is the patient. She leans in towards Surgeon #2 as if to kiss him.

SURGEON #2

“I need an anesthetic to numb me to you”

Surgeon #2 leans in even closer, nose to nose, lips almost touching. Surgeon #1 is entranced, and doesn’t notice as Surgeon #2 grips his throat tightly with her bloody hand and begins to choke him.

SPOILER ALERT! Preview For Hedonist Music Video Script - Part 1

Hedonist the music video has been a huge undertaking. As pleased as I am with Lapdance Romance, my goal is to make Lapdance Romance look like and idiot compared to Hedonist. Hedonist is going to have 4 sets  with separate action sequences that relate the overall concept of the song visually. I've decided to post the scripts I've written for each set in a 4 part series.

The first of the sets is what I've called...

The Psychiatrist's Office Of The Mind's Eye

What this set represents is the inner monologue we all have with ourselves as we try to make sense of all the shit that happens to us. In this scene my character is having a therapy session with their inner psychiatrist.

THE PSYCHIATRIST’S OFFICE OF THE MIND’S EYE

by JENNY KIRBY

Scene 1

INT: Psychiatrist’s Office

The office space is surreal like something in a dream and somewhat reminiscent of a Salvador Dali painting. The room appears to be floating in the sky, just above the clouds. The floor is black and white marble laid in a chess board pattern. The bottom 3 feet of the walls are covered in a solid wood paneling framed in by a 4” baseboard and matching chair rail. Above the chair rail the walls disappear entirely opening out to the blue sky scattered with billowy cumulous clouds slowly floating by. Paintings with ornate gold frames appear to be floating in mid-air around the room. A series of framed ink blot tests float next to a red contemporary chair positioned adjacent to a black chaise lounge.

The psychiatrist is seated in the red chair. He’s a tall, slim, dignified looking man around 40. He’s dressed in a mostly black neo Victorian ensemble. His black tousled hair is chin length and frames his face softening his angled features. A pair of slightly tinted round spectacles rest in the lower part of his nose revealing his piercing crystal blue eyes lined with smoky charcoal eyeliner.

Seated across from him is the patient. She is a porcelain skinned young woman with white and purple hair immaculately coifed into 2 horns elaborately decorated with ribbons, feathers and jewels. Her green eyes are rimmed with dramatic long eyelashes and black eyeliner that gradually fades into red complementing her deep scarlet lips. She is wearing a shiny black latex and pvc ballgown with a tightly corseted bodice held together with chunky chrome clasps.

The psychiatrist begins their session by showing the patient as series of ink blot images that appear to be morphing and distorting in front of the patient’s eyes. He presents her the first image.

PSYCHIATRIST

“Tell me what you see”

PATIENT

“A bride and groom”

The image begins to distort after she gives her answer.

PATIENT

“Wait! It’s a fist.”

The image continues to distort.

PATIENT

“No! It’s rape.” 

The psychiatrist then directs the patient over to an easel with a blank canvas and directs her to start painting. She picks up the largest brush she can and loads it with black and red paint. She slaps the paint on to the canvas and violently spreads the paint around mixing the colors together with her brush strokes.

The patient focuses intently on the task at hand and continues to paint in a frenzy of creative madness. She steps back from the canvas indicating to the psychiatrist that she is finished. He approaches the canvas and stares at the painting. A mutilated woman with all four limbs hacked off is strapped to an operating table. Her mouth is pried open and she is being force fed through a large tube that leads to a vodka bottle suspended from an IV stand. She has been surgically altered and fitted with four tubes that attach to the ends of the stumps that used to be her arms and legs. The tubes lead to a tank where another human is being grown inside.

The psychiatrist questions his patient as to the significance of the imagery. The patient explains that it’s a visual metaphor for how she used substance abuse to cope with domestic violence, and through the use of various substances created an alter ego. Her alter ego is The Hedonist, a woman who escapes her pain by stimulating the pleasure center of the brain. However through her hedonism, she became an addict. Her demons of addiction held her down and trapped her into a vicious cycle that seemingly had no escape, until she realized that to escape the control of her abuser she had to first stop abusing herself.    

Music Video Pre Production Madness(literally)

One of the benefits and pitfalls of being an indie, diy musician or whatever they're calling it these days is that you get to do pretty much everything yourself. It's a huge workload and things tend to move slowly, but the work itself is rewarding in a way that I can't even adequately describe with words. I'm a multimedia artist and for me the most fun thing I get to do as a musician is make music videos! I get to use literally every artistic and technical discipline I've ever studied or worked in professionally.

Here's a little step by step visual synopsis of what I've done so far production designwise for one of the scenes for my music video Hedonist.

1. First I needed to design the set.

The concept behind this padded cell is that it is a metaphor for the insanity of addiction which is one of the central themes of the song. The insane subject scrawling the lyrics of the song in blood on the walls of the padded cell is a visual representation of my addict brain feeling trapped, isolated and overwhelmed by the world I created for myself through drug and alcohol abuse.

2. Then I had to make the set(this process almost drove ME insane)

This was a multi step process which involved me having to scavenge bike shop recycling bins for enough cardboard to make the backer pieces for 104 cell pads.

 Did I mention that I had to make 104 padded squares?!?! I had to cut 104  21" x 21" squares of card board, then 104 squares of quilt batting, THEN 104 squares of fabric to cover them with

             

 There was glue gunning and a lot of burned finger tips in the assembly process. After making 104 of these damn cell pads I had to apply layers of "grunge" to make them appear weathered, soiled and old. I used a powdered temepera paint to create a worn effect with layers of dust, mildew, hand prints and oxidation.

3. Costumes!!!!

Ever since I was a child, I have loved playing dress-up. Now I get to do it professionally so this is a dream come true. For this particular scene in the music video there is myself dressed as a disgraced Victorian mental patient and some nurses who symbolize the drugs themselves.

Making my Victorian underwear involved not only sewing it, but also adding a layer of "grunge" to match the filthy aesthetic of the padded cell. To keep the color palette consistent I used the same tempera paint to dirty up my lingerie as seen below.

                  

4. Hair, Make-Up and SFX

For the hair I thought it'd be fun to make and install some synthetic dreads as I figured my character would have been locked away for some time and not have access to a hair brush.

 We experimented with a few make-up looks, but finally decided on a combination of what we played around with. 

 

I also made some long fake dirty fingernails to add to the overall effect and also because there will be some close ups of my hands as I bite a wound into my hand and they scrawl bloody lyrics all over the walls.

5. The Test Shoot!!!

If you've managed to read this far down then congratulations because these are the real money shots from the test shoot where we played with some lighting and visual concepts. The hard work is really paying off and I'm very proud of what we've come up with. So enjoy the fruits of our labor so far!

Surgery: A Visual Metaphor For Domestic Violence

I'm truly grateful to be able to express myself  as Borg Queen through several different mediums. Right now I'm in the thick of production design for another music video for my upcoming album Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles. The video in question is for Hedonist, a song about domestic violence. Surgery is the visual I've chosen to convey the profoundly deep violation of being abused by a partner. Much like surgery, the recovery process for abuse can be just as painful as the actual acts of abuse.

Today, I designed the surgeon character for the operating room scenes. I'm still torn between which set design I'm going to use for the operating room. Any feedback would be welcome. Let me know which operating room you like best in the comments section.

The Surgeon Character Design For Hedonist

Victorian Inspired Operating Room Set

Retro Inspired Operating Room Set

Designing Sets Within A Theme

I am a theme whore! I love theme parties, theme rooms, theme stripper costumes, you name it. If it's got a them, then it's automatically 100x more awesome in my book. Today was spent designing the padded cell set for the Hedonist music videp, but I wanted to experiment with designing with a theme. In this case, the theme is HEDONIST. So, what I did was ask myself, what kind of a padded cell would a hedonist be locked inside? The answer is this one.

The Hedonist's Padded Cell

I'm not too sure yet as to which padded cell design I'll be going with because I really love both concepts. The concept seen below is the padded cell of what I call the broken down lunatic. I love this one because I'm a huge fan of showing the song lyrics being scrawled in blood on the walls of the padded cell a scene in the video. 

The Broken Down Lunatic's Padded Cell

Ugh! So many creative ideas, and it's so hard to choose a direction. What do you think? Which padded cell do you like better?

Getting Creative With Lyrics

Today was mostly spent doing some more set design for my Hedonist music video. Today's set is a padded cell in an insane asylum with the lyrics for Hedonist written in blood. How creatively macabre is what I say. Peace out.

Inside My Mind

The next music video I plan to make is for my song Hedonist, which lyrically is 3 distinct voices having a conversation inside my head. How I visually want to convey this is by using a psychiatrist's office as the symbol of me having a conversation with myself. I've done up a few set designs for said office. One is an ornate office, which would appeal to a hedonist, and the other is a more surreal setting. Both sets are decorated with actual paintings I've done as a form of art therapy. Prints of my are for sale here.

Transferable Skills

So I hate my day job, and most people do, but I am grateful for the transferable skills I can apply to doing the awesomeness that is Borg Queen. During the day I work as an interior designer which basically involves me designing kitchen's and bathrooms for fussy middle aged women and helping solve the dilemma of which shade of beige they should paint their walls. Ugh.

However the bright side to this is that I've got some wicked design skills and software that I can transfer over to doing much cooler things like designing sets for my next music video as seen below. Behold the psychiatrist's office that is yet another carefully crafted symbol of what goes on in my mind as I have conversations with myself as a form of my own inner cognitive behavioral therapy.