A Dark And Enlightening Journey: Part 5 of 10

PROJECT OVERVIEW

If you read this blog on any kind of regular basis you probably know that Borg Queen is a multidisciplinary art project where I get to use literally every creative and technical discipline that I've ever been trained in. For each song that I write, I do a painting to visually convey the concept behind the song because the way I look at is that why not use as many mediums as possible to explore all the facets of the idea I'm communicating through sight and sound. My latest album Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles is 10 songs, 10 paintings and 3 music videos telling the story of how I learned the some of the most important lessons in life from working as a stripper. Each post in this series will be a detailed analysis of each song and painting from the album. Today's piece is my musical equivalent of Nine Inch Nails' Hurt(famously covered by Johnny Cash)...The Bottom Of The Glass.

THE BOTTOM OF THE GLASS

The Bottom Of The Glass is the 5th piece in the series and is about hitting rock bottom. The preceding song Hedonist is the in your face revelation of the domestic abuse, pain and dysfunction that I was dealing with at the time by self medicating with drugs and alcohol abuse. The final line of Hedonist

"I need an anesthetic, to numb me to you"

is very purposefully blended in the lyrical sense to the opening line of The Bottom Of The Glass,

"With the last drop of anesthetic I swallow, I see the bottom of the glass"

I wanted to show the relationship between the two songs by reiterating the concept of an anesthetic being used as a form of escapism from a horrific life situation involving domestic violence. The Bottom Of The Glass is the realization that in the process of self medication I was actually killing myself and needed help. At the end of the song is my cry for help...

"Save me from myself, my life, this world of glass, let me have another day outside the glass"

SYMBOLS

The Empty Glass: Empty like my soul, when I hit rock bottom. Transparent, because I was finally being honest with myself as to why I was such a hedonist. The opening of the glass is also not visible to indicate that the subject cannot see a way out of her prison.

The Female Subject: Naked with only her own arms to hold her, cold and alone. Her eyes are closed, meditative and contemplating her fate.

Buy this painting!

Fine Art Print Available here https://www.borg-queen-music.com/paintings

MUSIC AND LYRICS

The song is atmospheric with layers and textures painting a picture with sound. The intent was to create a hauntingly sad song conveying the despair and depression I was experiencing while coming to terms with the magnitude of a mess I had created for myself. The song can be purchased as part of the ablum or as a single on my WEBSITE 

The Bottom Of The Glass

With the last drop of anesthetic I swallow 
I see the bottom of the glass 
I've drowned my pain and killed my joy 
I poured out my soul 
There's nothing left 
I've become this vessel I'm hollow 

There is no tomorrow can't see my past 
I fell into the bottom of the glass 
The party's over, everyone's gone 
I am trapped inside 
No where to go 
Inside this place I'm fading fast 

Death greets me but I don't want to follow 
The end is at the bottom of the glass 

I can't stop drowning myself in this hell I created 
This is no way to live, but I'm not ready to die 
I don't want to die, but I'm killing myself 
I can't face what I've become so I just numb the world away 

I try to look up and see a way out 
Life's still a dim prospect 
With nobody to help me from out of my cage 
I've fallen again 
With each sip I take I throw myself away x4 

I'm waste inside the bottom of the glass 
Will I ever see the light again 
Save me from myself, my life this world of glass 
Let me have another day outside this glass

BUY THE BOTTOM OF THE GLASS

Borg Queen Live!!!

Here's a couple vids of my live performance at Kink Fetish Night at XY in Vancouver, BC. I had a wonderful time and learned some valuable lessons as well with regards to the logistics of performing a live show with so many theatrical elements. I might delve further in to those lessons in another blog post. Overall, I was pleased with the way the performance came together. My hope is to be able to perform the entire album Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles from start to finish in a theatrical type presentation, but I can't do it alone. I'll need practical and financial support to pull it off. If you're into supporting something like this practically, you can always shoot me an email borgqueenmusic@gmail.com otherwise financial support is always appreciated.

My store is open 24/7 on my website and you can get CD's, digital music, videos, t-shirts posters and paintings. Buying merch helps in a big way because the cash flow allows me to keep production quality up and get things done in a more timely manner. Hope you enjoy the videos! Your feedback is always appreciated so leave a comment and let me know if you liked We're All Whores or Lapdance Romance better.

WE'RE ALL WHORES

You can get We're All Whores as a free download on my website. Just enter your email in the free song offer at the top of the page https://www.borg-queen-music.com

LAPDANCE ROMANCE

You can view the official music video for Lapdance Romance on my YouTube channel. Don't forget to like and subscribe!

Until next time,

Jenny

A Dark And Enlightening Journey: Part 4 of 10

PROJECT OVERVIEW

If you read this blog on any kind of regular basis you probably know that Borg Queen is a multidisciplinary art project where I get to use literally every creative and technical discipline that I've ever been trained in. For each song that I write, I do a painting to visually convey the concept behind the song because the way I look at is that why not use as many mediums as possible to explore all the facets of the idea I'm communicating through sight and sound. My latest album Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles is 10 songs, 10 paintings and 3 music videos telling the story of how I learned the some of the most important lessons in life from working as a stripper. Each post in this series will be a detailed analysis of each song and painting from the album. Today's piece is my personal favorite-HEDONIST.

HEDONIST

Hedonist is the fourth piece in the series and is visually and sonically the darkest. The preceding song Little Miss Liquid Courage is a satirical dig at mainstream beauty ideals and while light and pop sounding it hints at something much darker hiding beneath the surface. Hedonist is the revealation of the darkness, pain and dysfunction that I was dealing with at the time by self medicating with various hedonistic vices.

"I'm gonna drink, dance, fuck and snort the pain away"

Hedonist is about 2 abusive relationships that I was in at the time. The first being with myself and the second one was with my husband at the time. In retrospect I know that I attracted a person who was abusive to me because I was abusing myself. I firmly believe that we attract people who are in a similar head space to ourselves. The song is written in the past tense and I wrote it years after the abusive events had occurred as a victim impact statement so I could finally have some closure. I explore the victim impact statement aspect of Hedonist in what is my most popular post by far, The Art Of Sexual Assault.

SYMBOLS

The Suspended Vodka Bottle: It's suspended like and IV indicating that it is being ingested medicinally vs. recreationally

The Female Subject: She's completely dark and has her arms and legs amputated to symbolize that she's a victim of domestic violence.

The Demonic Hands: The demonic hands are the demons and vices that continue to trap the subject in her vicious cycle of abuse. They clutch on to her chest to show that they have a grip on her heart.

The Blood: I use blood as a paradoxical symbol within my work. Blood is life, but it is also death. The blood in this painting is the life draining out of the victim. Notice how her eyes are partially open to indicate that she is conscious of her situation. The blood from her body is also being drained by the tubes attached to her arm and leg stumps. Her very life essence is being sucked out of her.

The "Egg" Incubator: The tubes leading out of the victim are serving a purpose and that is facilitating the growth of her alter ego. If you've experienced addiction personally or have someone close to you who suffers from it, then you know how it transforms a person into a "shadow version" of themselves.

Buy this painting!

Fine Art Print Available here https://www.borg-queen-music.com/paintings

MUSIC AND LYRICS

My intent when writing this song was to tell a story in three different voices. My Preferred Self is the narrator refelcting upon the events that took place. My Shadow Self sings the chorus and My Broken Soul sings the bridge and reveals the depth of despair to which I sank and why I got there. It's a complex song with layers of sound and depth of emotion ranging from sexual euphoria to suicidal depression. This my favorite song on the album and can be purchased as a single or part of the album on my WEBSITE 

Hedonist

I use to be a good girl
I used to really care
But when you came along
Then I began to disappear
Since you think you're God
Then create someone new
Someone better than me
That'll serve only you

Hey You! Look what I've become
I'm your hedonist baby
All I want is to cum
You're getting used
While I'm being abused so
I need an anesthetic x3
To numb me to you

You got what you want
You made me this way
I'm gonna drink, dance, fuck
And snort the pain away
'Cause you got what you want
You made me this way
I'm gonna drink, dance, fuck
And snort the pain away

I must confess that I love the drugs
And I like to fuck, and I don't care who
And that my darling is why I love you

Hey You! Look what I've become
I'm your hedonist baby
All I want is to cum
You're getting used
While I'm being abused so
I need an anesthetic x3
To numb me to you

You got what you want
You made me this way
I'm gonna drink, dance, fuck
And snort the pain away
'Cause you got what you want
You made me this way
I'm gonna drink, dance, fuck
And snort the pain away

I can't take this anymore
There's nothing strong enough to numb me
I'm your whore
You've imprisoned me
In your web of lies
You struck my body
When I carried your child
You violate what's left of me
In every way
So I poison myself
To keep your assaults at bay
But these wounds you inflict
Are bleeding out as I pray
While I still drink dance fuck
And snort the pain away
'Cause there's a hole deep inside me
That you RAPE everyday
So I'll just drink, dance fuck
and snort the pain away

Hey You! Look what I've become
I'm your hedonist baby
All I want is to cum
You're getting used
While I'm being abused so
I need an anesthetic x7
To numb me to you 

BUY HEDONIST

Borg Queen LIVE: Preview

Mistakes are a good thing. Considering we seldom nail it on the first try, mistakes are our greatest teachers. Overall, I was super happy with my first live Borg Queen show. There were some logistical things that I would handle differently like making sure there was some place to set up for merch and having a designated merch table attendant. I'm so grateful that my back up performers Benny, Nash and Spencer stepped up to the plate and helped my stagehand Dan prep, set up and tear down the stage set up. Next time, I'm delegating it ahead of time so I'm not stuck backstage trying to change my costume and makeup while telling everyone what to do. Next time I film a live show I'm going to make sure that I have 2 cameras going to capture more angles so those of you who missed the show get a really great video experience. So, we live and learn but overall, I'm happy and grateful for the experience I had. Below is a teaser of some of the live show footage. I'm sending out the real thing in a couple days on my mailing list so be sure to sign up here https://www.borg-queen-music.com/mailing-list-signup

 

A Dark And Enlightening Journey: Part 3 of 10

PROJECT OVERVIEW

If you read this blog on any kind of regular basis you probably know that Borg Queen is a multidisciplinary art project where I get to use literally every creative and technical discipline that I've ever been trained in. For each song that I write, I do a painting to visually convey the concept behind the song because the way I look at is that why not use as many mediums as possible to explore all the facets of the idea I'm communicating through sight and sound. My latest album Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles is 10 songs, 10 paintings and 3 music videos telling the story of how I learned the some of the most important lessons in life from working as a stripper. Each post in this series will be a detailed analysis of each song and painting from the album. Today's piece is Little Miss Liquid Courage.

LITTLE MISS LIQUID COURAGE

Little Miss Liquid Courage is the third piece in the series and is a continuation of the story. Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles the preceding song and painting is all about being consumed by the hollow pursuit of material wealth and becoming viewed as a fixture within strip club environment rather than an autonomous human being. Little Miss Liquid Courage expands upon the idea of losing ones identity and the pressure to conform to a very specific and unrealistic standard of beauty aka. the "human Barbie." Conforming to the human Barbie look isn't just specific to exotic entertainment, it's a beauty standard perpetuated by western pop culture in general. 

When I first started dancing I was stoked about it! I could make money by hanging out in a bar, having drinks bought for me and entertaining people on stage. As an artschool student in their early 20's it was a seemingly ideal situation for me, until I started to see the dark underbelly and politics of the industry. Because I was very pale skinned, had piercings, red haired and kinda gothy looking I was constantly getting bumped from gig lineups because of my look. My agent informed me that a few tweaks to my appearance would make me more bookable, All I had to do was "soften my look" meaning...take out the piercings, get a tan, dye my hair blond, lose some weight and get some fake tits. Another suggestion they made was to choose music that was less aggressive in nature, in other words dance to top 40 hits. As ashamed as I am to admit it, I took their advice and get a spray tan, dyed my hair, took out the piercings, starved myself and started dancing to music I hated compromising all my artistic integrity as a performer. I even attempted to get breast implants, but thankfully was denied financing because of my student loan situation. I hated myself and spiraled even further into alcohol and cocaine abuse.

Why did I compromise? Money. The fear of not having enough. The fear of being unable to pay for school and not get into a good career and become a failure in life.

SYMBOLS

The Cocktail: It's a Shirley Temple symbolizing youth, feminity and innocence.

The Female Subject: She's blond, tanned, skinny with obviously fake breasts. She's "sacrificing" herself to conform to the blonde bombshell beauty ideal mirroring the lyrics "you're a poser, plastic Barbie doll, platinum blond disgrace."

The Cherry: The pierced cherry symbolizes the loss of innocence, idealism, artistic integrity and becoming corrupted by money.

The Color Palette: I deliberately used pinks and purples because the song is about taking the female gender stereotype to it's extreme. 

Buy this painting!

Fine Art Print Available here https://www.borg-queen-music.com/paintings

MUSIC AND LYRICS

My intent when writing this song was to parody a pop song. I wanted something super catchy and dance-able, but I wanted to throw in a dark sonic undercurrent to show that underneath all the pink glitter and glamour there was a dark disturbing motivation behind the facade. This is probably one of my favorite songs on the album and can be purchased as a single or part of the album on my WEBSITE 

Little Miss Liquid Courage

Little Miss Liquid Courage you know what you are 

You’re a hot piece of flesh sequin clad pseudo rock star 

So strap on your stilettos get your ass on the stage 

And dance your panties off while you’re still all the rage 

Cause you’re a super star 

And they love what you do 

You only get so far 

Cause I hate what you are 

But you’re my Little Miss, Little Miss, 

Little Miss Liquid Courage 

Little Miss Liquid Courage wipe that smile off your face 

You’re a poser plastic Barbie doll platinum blond disgrace 

So pump up your tits they didn’t come to see your face 

Now you’re the perfect picture of female beauty and grace 

Little Miss Liquid Courage it’s time that you know 

What goes on behind that curtain, time for a VIP show 

You don’t have to get him off, just make him grow 

And then he’ll buy you a drink and even pay for your blow 

Cause you’re his super star 

And he loves what you do 

You only get so far 

Cause he hates what you are 

But You’re his Little Miss, Little Miss, 

But You’re his Little Miss, Little Miss, 

Little Miss Liquid Courage you know what you 

You’re a star, you’re a star 

Yes you are, yes you are 

And you’re my Little Miss, Little Miss, 

Little Miss Liquid Courage 

Liquid Courage x 3 

BUY LITTLE MISS LIQUID COURAGE

A Dark And Enlightening Journey: Part 2 of 10

OVERVIEW

If you read this blog on any kind of regular basis you probably know that Borg Queen is a multidisciplinary art project where I get to use literally every creative and technical discipline that I've ever been trained in. For each song that I write, I do a painting to visually convey the concept behind the song because the way I look at is that why not use as many mediums as possible to explore all the facets of the idea I'm communicating through sight and sound. My latest album Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles is 10 songs, 10 paintings and 3 music videos telling the story of how I learned the some of the most important lessons in life from working as a stripper. Each post in this series will be a detailed analysis of each song and painting from the album. Today's piece is the title track/painting Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles.

SEX, DRUGS AND SHINY BRASS POLES

Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles is the second piece in the series and is a continuation of the story. This Is Real, the first painting in the series focuses on the pressures one experiences when entering adulthood, particularly the role finances(or lack there of) play in our emotional, physical and spiritual well-being. In This Is Real the protagonist has become blinded by the pursuit of wealth because she sees money as the solution to her problems.

Both the paintings and the songs blend conceptually into each other as well as sonically. When you listen to the album in it's entirety on CD one song flows into the next. I did this on purpose because the storyline of each piece is tied to the one before and after it. Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles is the appearant solution to the problem presented in This Is Real. However, the financial solution presented in SDSBP begins to create a whole new set of problems for the protagonist. She becomes consumed by her environment, and what she thought was her salvation has become her prison.

Don't get me wrong, I really like strip clubs and my intention was not to cast a negative light on strip clubs in particular, but rather on the hollow pursuit of material wealth. The protagonist could have just as well chosen any other profession and become consumed by her environment and lost her identity and sense of purpose.

SYMBOLS

Every symbol within this painting is tied to the idea of forming a symbiotic relationship with the strip club environment. The subjects are no longer autonomous individuals and have been transformed into creatures attached to the poles. I exaggerated the breasts and buttocks in a fetishistic way to show that these women are no longer viewed as "real people" but are simple the sum of ideal feminine characteristics.

The colors and lighting are all about creating a mood. If you've ever set foot into a strip club, you'll have noticed that the lighting really sets the mood and while your eyes may be feasting on flesh it is never truly the color of natural skin, so that's why my three subjects are not flesh tone. I also wanted portray them as skeletal to show that they have been reduced to nothing but flesh and bone.

Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles

Fine Art Print Available here https://www.borg-queen-music.com/paintings

The arrangement of the subjects is akin to the traditional crucifixion scene with the center subject sacrificing herself for money. The woman on the left snorting the cocaine is caught in the endless cycle of addiction. I painted her body into a contorted loop with her foot stepping on her own head to show that addiction is a cycle as well as something that is self-imposed. The woman on the right has lost her identity as a result of her addiction and has become the physical manifestation of alcoholism. I painted this particular figure to represent myself. The blood pouring out of the bottle attached to her arm is symbolizes me pouring my soul out on to the stage. This is one of those double meaning images I like to use. Pouring out my soul into stage performances is both comforting, but also draining. It kept me sane, but also left me empty because it never seemed like it was enough.

LYRICS & MUSIC

The song can be purchased as a single or part of the album on my WEBSITE

Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles

We're oh so pretty
We're young and we're bold
We're oh so pretty
And we'll never grow old
We're oh so pretty x4

Welcome to the room where no one grows old
A shining new world awaits
There’s no cover charge
You pay with your soul
The glamour of seduction will swallow you whole
(We’re oh so pretty)
Welcome to the room where no one grows old
A shining new world awaits
There’s no cover charge
You pay with your soul
The glamour of seduction will swallow you whole

Sex drugs and shiny brass poles
Follow me down into the hole
Sex drugs and shiny brass poles
Follow me down x 2
Yeah, swallow me down
Into the hole

Your hollow existence will finally be filled
You’ve got money and acclaim
While they keep throwing you more bills

Sex drugs and shiny brass poles
Follow me down into the hole
Sex drugs and shiny brass poles
Follow me down x 2
Yeah, swallow me down
Into the hole
(We’re oh so pretty)
Live only for tonight
And don’t look to tomorrow
And don’t you ever wake up
Cause all you’ll see is sorrow

Live only for tonight
And don’t look to tomorrow
And don’t you ever wake up
Cause all you’ll see is sorrow
Sorrow, sorrow, sorrow

Sex drugs and shiny brass poles
Follow me down into the hole
Sex drugs and shiny brass poles
Follow me down x 2
Yeah, swallow me down x3
Into the hole

Live only for tonight
And don’t look to tomorrow
And don’t you ever wake up
Cause all you’ll see is sorrow

Live only for tonight
And don’t look to tomorrow
And don’t you ever wake up
Cause all you’ll see is sorrow 

A Dark And Enlightening Journey: Part 1 of 10

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

If you read this blog on any kind of regular basis you probably know that Borg Queen is a multidisciplinary art project where I get to use literally every creative and technical discipline that I've ever been trained in. One of the reasons I named the project "Borg Queen" is in reference to a line from the movie Star Trek: First Contact where the borg queen character is first introduced. Data asks the queen who she is and she says to him, "I am the one who is many." In this project I, Jenny Kirby, am the one who is many. In the musical realm am a composer, lyricist, singer, instrumentalist, producer and audio engineer. For live and video performances I'm an actor, choreographer, dancer, character designer, costume designer, set designer, scenic artist, storyboard artist, makeup artist, prop maker, set dresser and art director. For the visual component of what I do ie. the paintings I am of course a painter and digital artist as well as an entrepreneur with a business education background. So, you could say I wear a LOT of hats and use a combination of traditional and digital media and tools to create worlds. Because I am the one who is many and my technique is all about merging the organic with the synthetic I feel Borg Queen is an effective metaphor. Plus, I'm a huge Trekkie.

OVERVIEW

For each song that I write, I do a painting to visually convey the concept behind the song because the way I look at is that why not use as many mediums as possible to explore all the facets of the idea I'm communicating through sight and sound. My latest album Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles is 10 songs, 10 paintings and 3 music videos telling the story of how I learned the some of the most important lessons in life from working as a stripper. Each post in this series will be a detailed analysis of each song and painting from Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles.

THIS IS REAL

This Is Real is about harsh reality that slaps you in the face during early adulthood. It's about the crushing weight of responsibility and that moment reality sets in and you realize that despite having, goals, talent, ambition and even a plan, there are circumstances out of your control and things rarely go according to plan. It's about shattered dreams, disillusionment and ultimately trying to cope with depression and anxiety when you feel like you're utterly failing in life. You start to feel like despite all your hard work you're not getting ahead or you're not getting to where you want to be in life fast enough. You question yourself. You lose faith. You lose hope and your youthful optimism dies.  In my case I turned to drugs and alcohol to cope and thought that if only I had enough money then I could solve my problems and get to where I want to be.

SYMBOLS

The painting is laced with visual symbols some of them with double meaning like the coins over the eyes that not only represent death, but also being blinded by the pursuit of material wealth. The smashed pumpkin and shattered glass slippers represent broken dreams and shattered idealism. In other words coming to grips with reality when your fairytale vision of how you think your adult life is going to be doesn't quite work out. The images of the shattered dreams are purposefully placed above the subjects head to show that she is being crushed the weight pressures of adult responsibility.  The bloodied feet are walking a painful path as the blood spills out and drips down into a wine glass which is part of the main subjects arm representing drinking your sorrow. The subject is emaciated looking on purpose to show that she is spiritually bankrupt and her only salvation is money.

This Is Real

Fine art print available here https://www.borg-queen-music.com/paintings

LYRICS & MUSIC

The song can be purchased as a single or part of the album on my WEBSITE

This Is Real

This ain’t no fairy tale (This is real) 

A riches to rags story (This is real) 

Cinderella used to be queen x 2 

But now her glass slippers are shattered 

Her ball gown is torn and tattered 

Dark voices start to whisper inside of her head 

Prince Charming is that slob snoring beside her in bed 

And all seems lost that ever mattered 

This ain’t a fairy tale (This is real) 

A riches to rags story (This is real) 

Cinderella used to be queen x 2 

But now her glass slippers are shattered 

Her ball gown is torn and tattered 

Before he came along 

She used to follow her dreams 

But now she sits in silence 

And just swallows her screams 

And all seems lost x 4 

Her God, her God she has forsaken 

She’s been consumed her soul is taken 

Mammon is her saviour now (He’s her only comfort) x2 

Money is god and he’s demanding his sacrifice x 4 

I don’t know what to do any more 

I’ve given up my dreams cause they just won’t come true 

My fairy godmother’s a myth and I hope you are too.(This ain’t no fairy tale) 

I don’t know what to do any more 

I’ve given up my dreams cause they just won’t come true 

My fairy godmother’s a myth and I hope you are too. .(This ain’t no fairy tale) 

I don’t know what to do any more 

I’ve given up my dreams cause they just won’t come true 

My fairy godmother’s a myth and I hope you are too. .(This ain’t no fairy tale)