Burning Out

If you read this blog before, you'll have noticed that my posts have a mental health and psychology angle. As a content creator, I believe I have a responsibility to use my talents and influence for a positive purpose. Mental health is near and dear to my heart because it's something I've struggled with my entire life. I try to be as transparent as possible with my struggles and triumphs because I believe that the best art is honest, raw and unapologetic in nature. That being said, I have to confess something...I'm burning out big time.

The past 3 years has been a time of tremendous growth for me as an artist. I left behind a secure decently paid job as an interior designer to pursue a career as an independent artist. I've been burning the candle at both ends the entire time working 80 hours a week not just on my music and art, but also film projects and other creative gigs to help pay the bills(plus I'm a mom). My investment has paid off in many ways as I've been able to fund the completion of two albums and 3 high production value music videos. My fan base and visibility is constantly growing and I'm so grateful for all of the support I've received. However, my forward momentum has come at a very steep price...my health.

Because I have fibromyalgia my physical health is very fragile. Admittedly, I don't take care good enough care of myself for someone who has a chronic illness and even if I didn't have a medical condition I push myself too hard. If I'm to be perfectly honest, my obsessive need to be productive is a mental illness in an of itself. It's something I now have to address because I've reached my breaking point. I'm literally writing this post from bed because I'm completely incapacitated.

My life has become unmanageable and I need help. Thankfully I do see a therapist weekly for other issues and last week I finally admitted my desperate need to address my workaholism. I had to admit to that it has been a form of self-medication and a coping mechanism to keep me from falling apart during the breakdown of life as I know it. The thing about my drive and need to be productive is that it isn't negative if kept it check. My therapist likened my work addiction to a compulsive over-eating disorder. When some is a compulsive over eater the treatment isn't to abstain from eating entirely. We agreed that my drive to create and be productive is necessary for my mental well-being, but the trick is to strictly regulate my workload, and make sure that I engage in a proper physical self-care routine.

For the next little while I'm going to be taking a mental and physical health break to get my life back on track. I want to make it clear that I'm not quitting or giving up, but I do need to take a bit of time to just focus on getting healthy again. After I release my new EP Blood Sweat Tears April 30th, I won't be working on any new material until I've achieved a better work-life balance. I had planned to start working on 2 films that would feature my music plus a new album, but that will have to be put on hold...for now.

I might play the odd show here an there, so if you'd like to stay in touch be notified about when and where I'll be performing you can sign up for my mailing list here https://www.borg-queen-music.com/mailing-list-signup 

The Spark. The Layers. The Release.

As a multidisciplinary artist who paints and writes songs, one of the most common questions I get is, "What comes first, the painting or the song?" The answer is neither. It's the concept that comes to me first. It's a spark that flashes within my mind and I feel compelled to communicate it as thoroughly as possible. Sometimes I'll write about it first, and other times I'll work on the visual aspect of it depending on my mood. There's so many layers to an idea and when I create it's through layers of paint and sound. Each layer has meaning and is an integral part to the entire piece.

This most recent series of paintings and songs is all about the layers. On the surface Blood Sweat Tears is woman venting about how her marriage and family life is falling to pieces and how she's coping through violent sex and workaholism. Deeper down it's about how we have a preferred self and a shadow self. When we face loss or some kind of tragedy we often revert to a shadow version of ourselves as a coping mechanism. 

My shadow self is something that I explore through my songs and artwork. In a way it's a confession of all the horrible feelings I held inside for years because I didn't want to let go. I called this series of paintings Blood Sweat Tears because it really is a wonderful symbol of the creative process. Blood is representative of life and intimacy. It's the fuel that feeds the creative spark. Sweat is the process of crafting all the layers and organizing them into songs and paintings. Tears are the release. Once the idea has been meticulously crafted, it's time to let it go into the world. It's a literal release of material into the marketplace, but also a form of closure to a chapter of my life.

If you've been following my progress for the past year or so, you should be aware that I'm mixing my literal blood, sweat & tears into my artwork. I've posted a few videos here and there of my process. To extract my sweat I would engage in a sweaty activity and then use paper towel to dry myself off. I then would then puree the sweat soaked paper towel in a blender and add the pulp to my sculpting medium. I essentially used the same process for the tears. To make myself cry I would watch the Star Trek: TNG episode 'The Inner Light,' which is the one where Picard lives an entire lifetime in 20 minutes. I challenge you to watch it and not cry.

Here's a video of my sweat extraction process.

Extracting blood, was something I agonized over a bit. I debated using menstrual blood, but decided against it mostly because I wanted "pure blood" free of all the other stuff that comes along with period blood like uterine lining, vaginal mucus and bits of tampon. I considered cutting myself, but I didn't want to promote self-harm in any way. Finally I found out that one of my friends draws his own blood when ever he has to give a sample for medical purposes, so I asked him if he'd be willing to help me out. By far this ended up being the best option because not only is it safe and sterile, but the viles are vacuum sealed and the blood stays fresh.

Here's a video of my blood extraction and the method I used to incorporate it into the painting.

It took several days to complete my first piece which is longer than it normal takes me if I'm just doing a painting. I had to wait for the plaster to dry between layers and I'm this was my first attempt at sculpting.

The end result was pretty cool. My "release" of the painting is me reciting the lyrics to the song as a dramatic monologue. Call me old school, but I believe words are very important in songwriting.

Here's the finished painting with my recitation of the lyrics.

I'm still running my pre-order campaign through Pledge Music and prints of the artwork as well as the EP are still available for pre-order until March 19th.

PRE ORDER TODAY!!!

A Dark And Enlightening Journey: Part 3 of 10

PROJECT OVERVIEW

If you read this blog on any kind of regular basis you probably know that Borg Queen is a multidisciplinary art project where I get to use literally every creative and technical discipline that I've ever been trained in. For each song that I write, I do a painting to visually convey the concept behind the song because the way I look at is that why not use as many mediums as possible to explore all the facets of the idea I'm communicating through sight and sound. My latest album Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles is 10 songs, 10 paintings and 3 music videos telling the story of how I learned the some of the most important lessons in life from working as a stripper. Each post in this series will be a detailed analysis of each song and painting from the album. Today's piece is Little Miss Liquid Courage.

LITTLE MISS LIQUID COURAGE

Little Miss Liquid Courage is the third piece in the series and is a continuation of the story. Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles the preceding song and painting is all about being consumed by the hollow pursuit of material wealth and becoming viewed as a fixture within strip club environment rather than an autonomous human being. Little Miss Liquid Courage expands upon the idea of losing ones identity and the pressure to conform to a very specific and unrealistic standard of beauty aka. the "human Barbie." Conforming to the human Barbie look isn't just specific to exotic entertainment, it's a beauty standard perpetuated by western pop culture in general. 

When I first started dancing I was stoked about it! I could make money by hanging out in a bar, having drinks bought for me and entertaining people on stage. As an artschool student in their early 20's it was a seemingly ideal situation for me, until I started to see the dark underbelly and politics of the industry. Because I was very pale skinned, had piercings, red haired and kinda gothy looking I was constantly getting bumped from gig lineups because of my look. My agent informed me that a few tweaks to my appearance would make me more bookable, All I had to do was "soften my look" meaning...take out the piercings, get a tan, dye my hair blond, lose some weight and get some fake tits. Another suggestion they made was to choose music that was less aggressive in nature, in other words dance to top 40 hits. As ashamed as I am to admit it, I took their advice and get a spray tan, dyed my hair, took out the piercings, starved myself and started dancing to music I hated compromising all my artistic integrity as a performer. I even attempted to get breast implants, but thankfully was denied financing because of my student loan situation. I hated myself and spiraled even further into alcohol and cocaine abuse.

Why did I compromise? Money. The fear of not having enough. The fear of being unable to pay for school and not get into a good career and become a failure in life.

SYMBOLS

The Cocktail: It's a Shirley Temple symbolizing youth, feminity and innocence.

The Female Subject: She's blond, tanned, skinny with obviously fake breasts. She's "sacrificing" herself to conform to the blonde bombshell beauty ideal mirroring the lyrics "you're a poser, plastic Barbie doll, platinum blond disgrace."

The Cherry: The pierced cherry symbolizes the loss of innocence, idealism, artistic integrity and becoming corrupted by money.

The Color Palette: I deliberately used pinks and purples because the song is about taking the female gender stereotype to it's extreme. 

Buy this painting!

Fine Art Print Available here https://www.borg-queen-music.com/paintings

MUSIC AND LYRICS

My intent when writing this song was to parody a pop song. I wanted something super catchy and dance-able, but I wanted to throw in a dark sonic undercurrent to show that underneath all the pink glitter and glamour there was a dark disturbing motivation behind the facade. This is probably one of my favorite songs on the album and can be purchased as a single or part of the album on my WEBSITE 

Little Miss Liquid Courage

Little Miss Liquid Courage you know what you are 

You’re a hot piece of flesh sequin clad pseudo rock star 

So strap on your stilettos get your ass on the stage 

And dance your panties off while you’re still all the rage 

Cause you’re a super star 

And they love what you do 

You only get so far 

Cause I hate what you are 

But you’re my Little Miss, Little Miss, 

Little Miss Liquid Courage 

Little Miss Liquid Courage wipe that smile off your face 

You’re a poser plastic Barbie doll platinum blond disgrace 

So pump up your tits they didn’t come to see your face 

Now you’re the perfect picture of female beauty and grace 

Little Miss Liquid Courage it’s time that you know 

What goes on behind that curtain, time for a VIP show 

You don’t have to get him off, just make him grow 

And then he’ll buy you a drink and even pay for your blow 

Cause you’re his super star 

And he loves what you do 

You only get so far 

Cause he hates what you are 

But You’re his Little Miss, Little Miss, 

But You’re his Little Miss, Little Miss, 

Little Miss Liquid Courage you know what you 

You’re a star, you’re a star 

Yes you are, yes you are 

And you’re my Little Miss, Little Miss, 

Little Miss Liquid Courage 

Liquid Courage x 3 

BUY LITTLE MISS LIQUID COURAGE

A Dark And Enlightening Journey: Part 2 of 10

OVERVIEW

If you read this blog on any kind of regular basis you probably know that Borg Queen is a multidisciplinary art project where I get to use literally every creative and technical discipline that I've ever been trained in. For each song that I write, I do a painting to visually convey the concept behind the song because the way I look at is that why not use as many mediums as possible to explore all the facets of the idea I'm communicating through sight and sound. My latest album Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles is 10 songs, 10 paintings and 3 music videos telling the story of how I learned the some of the most important lessons in life from working as a stripper. Each post in this series will be a detailed analysis of each song and painting from the album. Today's piece is the title track/painting Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles.

SEX, DRUGS AND SHINY BRASS POLES

Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles is the second piece in the series and is a continuation of the story. This Is Real, the first painting in the series focuses on the pressures one experiences when entering adulthood, particularly the role finances(or lack there of) play in our emotional, physical and spiritual well-being. In This Is Real the protagonist has become blinded by the pursuit of wealth because she sees money as the solution to her problems.

Both the paintings and the songs blend conceptually into each other as well as sonically. When you listen to the album in it's entirety on CD one song flows into the next. I did this on purpose because the storyline of each piece is tied to the one before and after it. Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles is the appearant solution to the problem presented in This Is Real. However, the financial solution presented in SDSBP begins to create a whole new set of problems for the protagonist. She becomes consumed by her environment, and what she thought was her salvation has become her prison.

Don't get me wrong, I really like strip clubs and my intention was not to cast a negative light on strip clubs in particular, but rather on the hollow pursuit of material wealth. The protagonist could have just as well chosen any other profession and become consumed by her environment and lost her identity and sense of purpose.

SYMBOLS

Every symbol within this painting is tied to the idea of forming a symbiotic relationship with the strip club environment. The subjects are no longer autonomous individuals and have been transformed into creatures attached to the poles. I exaggerated the breasts and buttocks in a fetishistic way to show that these women are no longer viewed as "real people" but are simple the sum of ideal feminine characteristics.

The colors and lighting are all about creating a mood. If you've ever set foot into a strip club, you'll have noticed that the lighting really sets the mood and while your eyes may be feasting on flesh it is never truly the color of natural skin, so that's why my three subjects are not flesh tone. I also wanted portray them as skeletal to show that they have been reduced to nothing but flesh and bone.

Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles

Fine Art Print Available here https://www.borg-queen-music.com/paintings

The arrangement of the subjects is akin to the traditional crucifixion scene with the center subject sacrificing herself for money. The woman on the left snorting the cocaine is caught in the endless cycle of addiction. I painted her body into a contorted loop with her foot stepping on her own head to show that addiction is a cycle as well as something that is self-imposed. The woman on the right has lost her identity as a result of her addiction and has become the physical manifestation of alcoholism. I painted this particular figure to represent myself. The blood pouring out of the bottle attached to her arm is symbolizes me pouring my soul out on to the stage. This is one of those double meaning images I like to use. Pouring out my soul into stage performances is both comforting, but also draining. It kept me sane, but also left me empty because it never seemed like it was enough.

LYRICS & MUSIC

The song can be purchased as a single or part of the album on my WEBSITE

Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles

We're oh so pretty
We're young and we're bold
We're oh so pretty
And we'll never grow old
We're oh so pretty x4

Welcome to the room where no one grows old
A shining new world awaits
There’s no cover charge
You pay with your soul
The glamour of seduction will swallow you whole
(We’re oh so pretty)
Welcome to the room where no one grows old
A shining new world awaits
There’s no cover charge
You pay with your soul
The glamour of seduction will swallow you whole

Sex drugs and shiny brass poles
Follow me down into the hole
Sex drugs and shiny brass poles
Follow me down x 2
Yeah, swallow me down
Into the hole

Your hollow existence will finally be filled
You’ve got money and acclaim
While they keep throwing you more bills

Sex drugs and shiny brass poles
Follow me down into the hole
Sex drugs and shiny brass poles
Follow me down x 2
Yeah, swallow me down
Into the hole
(We’re oh so pretty)
Live only for tonight
And don’t look to tomorrow
And don’t you ever wake up
Cause all you’ll see is sorrow

Live only for tonight
And don’t look to tomorrow
And don’t you ever wake up
Cause all you’ll see is sorrow
Sorrow, sorrow, sorrow

Sex drugs and shiny brass poles
Follow me down into the hole
Sex drugs and shiny brass poles
Follow me down x 2
Yeah, swallow me down x3
Into the hole

Live only for tonight
And don’t look to tomorrow
And don’t you ever wake up
Cause all you’ll see is sorrow

Live only for tonight
And don’t look to tomorrow
And don’t you ever wake up
Cause all you’ll see is sorrow 

Too Many Fucking Hats!

In any business there's a game to be played if you want to get ahead. Music is definitely no exception. Artistically speaking I already wear a bajillion and one hats being a singer/songwriter/composer/instrumentalist/producer/engineer and that's just the musical aspect of what I do with my project Borg Queen. There's also the visual component of my project that has me working as a one woman art department making music videos with production qualities way higher than I really need to in this game called the music biz. Don't get me wrong I love working on all the artistic stuff, and even the technical aspects of it are fascinating and extremely rewarding. I'm not bitching about that at all.

What get's to me is having to promote myself. Social media is the worst. I'm not a social creature, and while I do enjoy getting public recognition for my art because it's something I'm proud of, I hate seeking attention for the sake of getting attention. However, that is part of the game now. I can't JUST be a talented artist, get a record deal and sit in my ivory tower making music while my label promotes me. Those days are gone. Even signed artists have to play the game. Mind you most of the really established ones have someone managing their social media for them.

It's a different game in many ways now, but something that hasn't changed is that it still is all about who you know. One of the best ways of getting "discovered" or just looking credible is getting some press. But how do you get press? The easy, effective but expensive way is to hire a publicist. Not really an option for me right now given that I spent all my money on creating super high quality content and crazy elaborate music videos.

So here I am wearing yet another hat writing press releases and submitting my music to every blogger that covers my genre, that's also linked to Hype Machine. Hype Machine if you're wondering is a very popular music blog aggregator, and if you get your shit on there, then larger publications start taking notice. So, the bottom line is you wanna get yourself some press and get on Hype Machine, so you can get even better press and have MORE people notice you. It's like being in high school all over again. Needless to say I didn't really give a shit about being popular in high school because I was too busy being an artist. Now, I'm too busy trying to be popular plugging my new album that I haven't had enough time to be an artist.

So there's my rant. I don't like wearing all these hats. I just want to be an artist, make music, make cool videos and perform. In case you were wondering what I needed the press for, it's my new album Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles that you can pre order by clicking on the image below.

If you buy it, I promise to use the money to hire a publicist so that I can return to doing what I do best...creating.

Style and Substance: Hotness vs. Talent

Years ago I interviewed an actor friend of mine and asked him what factors increase a person's chances of success in the world of professional acting. He looked me right in the eye and bluntly stated "be hot and talented." The idealist in me didn't want to accept that hotness plays as much of a role in an entertainer's(particularly a female's) success, but my inner realist knew he hit the nail on the head. Of course neither hotness nor talent or combination thereof will guarantee success, but it will increase your chances.

So armed with this knowledge of the winning formula to increase my success as an musician/performer/artist I find myself constantly balancing style with substance. The following is a list of questions I have had to answer when taking an honest inventory of my artistic integrity vs. marketability of the content I produce.

So what is the right ratio of style to substance? 

Appreciation of aesthetic is part and parcel of being a visual artist. Style is integral to what I do and does bleed into my other artistic mediums including the music I make. So how important is the packaging? For me personally, the packing must be a reflection of what is on the inside. It must make a strong impression and draw the audience into the concept being conveyed through the medium.

We all judge a book by it's cover to a certain extent and that is something I keep in mind when designing that cover. I want the outside to be an accurate reflection of the lies underneath.

Artistic intent conveyed through style is not just art for the sake of art. Every visual element is deliberate and tells a part of the story.

So what about using sex to promote yourself as an artist?

I'm innately drawn to anything sexy as I think most humans are so that's wht sex sells. When it comes to my artforms though, the questions I ask myself are, "Am I selling sex? Is sex in anyway integral to the concept I'm relating through my art?" If the answer is yes, then of course I'm going to use sex as a promotional tool because that is what the song or painting or performance is about. Using sex as a promotional tool in that context is truthful and doesn't compromise artistic integrity.

However, let's say I've written a song about my dad's death. Am I going to sex myself up to promote the song? Of course not, because it's not artistically relevant and it would be painfully obvious and sad that I was using sexy images of myself just to gain popularity.

The song We're All Whores uses a sexual metaphor lyrically and visually to convey the concept of human commodification as a result of capitalism.

Does hotness matter?

Sadly, yes. Especially if you're a woman, but make no mistake if you rely solely on hotness to gain popularity and the try to legitimize yourself as a serious artist afterwards, it's harder to be taken seriously. You could be super talented, skillful, accomplished and intelligent but if you ride the hotness train to popularity town you'll find it harder to change people's perception of who you truly are because you bombarded them for so long with only one dimension of yourself. Some people just don't care to see beyond the hotness. It takes longer to gain a fan base by not exploiting just your sexuality, but in the long run you'll be appreciated for your art and not just your image. Marilyn Monroe was a legitimately talented actor, but do we talk about how talented she was, no we talk about how beautiful she was.

So how do we strike a the balance between being a sellout and being naively idealistic?

In the end our art is our legacy it out lives us. So being mindful of that fact, we should aim to promote ourselves and our craft with truthfulness and integrity, but sometimes that does mean being overtly sexual. Ultimately, what brings about lasting success is being true to one's self. After all, in art everything is subjective including hotness and talent.

Jesus Would Not Approve

I recently caught wind through the magic of social media that some of my conservative Christian relatives are intentionally trying to sabotage my crowdfunding efforts on Indiegogo by imploring family members to not contribute. 

Preorder my album Sex, Drugs 
& Shiny Brass Poles  through 
my campaign here. Just select the 
$10 digital album perk or the $25 signed CD 
perk and receive  your copy weeks 
before the official release!

The fact that my art disturbs old people is actually a huge compliment. I'm kinda enjoying my Marilyn Manson moment, or I would be if the attack wasn't so personal. This isn't just some group of conservative nut jobs that's never met me and regularly crusades against several other artists who's content the deem to be objectionable. This is my family saying, "not only am I not supporting you, but I wish failure upon you so I'm going out of my way to get the rest of the family to turn their backs on you too." This type of attack is intentional, targeted and personal.
I've written a rebuttal to the relative(s) who feels that it is their moral duty to dissuade me from trying to make a career out of doing something I love. I'm writing it in Christianese as I'm hoping that maybe if I speak their language we might be able to find some common ground.

Dear family member(s),

I understand that you are person of conviction and live your life according to a moral code. I can appreciate and respect that as I too have strong convictions and a code of ethics that I try to live by. I also understand that the Bible and the teachings of Jesus are the basis of your moral code. So let's talk about that. I'm pretty well versed in the Bible and believe it or not I hold the teachings of Jesus in the highest regard. In fact, there are a lot of parallels between what's said in the Bible and what I'm saying in my album Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles. I know that the title might be a little scary because of the word "sex" but let's not forget that the Bible has a bunch of stories about all kinds of sexual scenarios including rape, incest and adultery. There's lessons to be learned from these stories, just as there are lessons to be learned from the story I am telling through my music and art. A lot of the lessons are even biblical. My song We're All Whores is a shining example of this.

It's about how everyone is a "whore" because we all have done something for money that we haven't wanted to do, but we've done it just for the money.

"...we all have a price that someone will pay...you and me are a commodity and we're all whores in our own unique way"  ~ We're All Whores

The message of the song is not to judge because we are all guilty of selling out on some level and making money our priority

.

"...so don't judge me you know you have no right because we're all precious little whores in God's sight. Look inside yourself what do you see? You're a whore too, you know you're just like me..." ~ We're All Whores

Maybe you're not convinced yet that the message is biblical? Well, here's some Scripture to back it up.

On all of us being guilty:
Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."

On your right to judge me:
John 8:7 "...'Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone'..."

On making moral judgements against others:
Luke 6:37 "...'Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned'..."

I'm just reiterating what Jesus said. Speaking of which, there's this pretty famous quote of his that most people who live by a code of ethics aspire to live their lives by. You may have heard of it. 

It's called The Golden Rule:

Luke 6:31 "Do to others as you would have them do to you."

Matthew 7:12 "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."

So based on this very core Christian principle, I ask why would you intentionally sabotage me? If you were starting a business would you appreciate it if I went to other family members and asked them not to support your efforts? Your argument may be that you simply do not support the work that I do based on moral objections and you are simply standing by your convictions. Well that's fine, but let me give you a parallel example. Let's say that I'm a vegan and you are opening up a steakhouse. I morally object to the consumption of meat and will not under any circumstance support a business that profits because of the slaughter of animals. These are deeply held moral beliefs of mine because I feel that the way animals are raised and slaughtered is inhumane. However, there are other family members who do eat meat and would likely support my business. If I go around to them and tell them not to support specifically your restaurant, it is now a personal attack because I am not telling them not to eat meat, but specifically telling them not to eat meat from your restaurant. My intent is no longer that of altruism, but of maliciousness.

The real irony is that in your moral "Christian" crusade against my overtly sexual artistic content, you have broken God's law. I'm guessing that Jesus would not approve of your condemnation anymore than he did 2000 years ago when the Pharisees tried stoning a woman to death for her sexual transgressions.

You're attacks on me are clearly rooted in a place of ignorance and fear. You don't know anything about my art nor have you ever taken the time to talk to me about it. You seem to just want to discourage me from creating it and spreading it to people who can be positively impacted by it. By the way, I forgive you just as Jesus forgave the people who executed him because, "you know not what you do." 

Sincerely,

Jenny

I just want to make it clear that I am not in anyway trashing on people who hold strong moral beliefs religious or otherwise, nor am I encouraging anyone to do so. Your beliefs don't make you a good person, your actions do. Unfortunately because none of us are perfect we will never be a good person 100% of the time, and sometimes we will use our beliefs to justify our shitty behavior. 

I'm A Dress Up Whore

I love costumes! I love dressing up! I love escaping the mundane drudgery of everyday life by becoming a character of my own design. 

Growing up in an ultra conservative religious environment meant that Halloween was strictly off limits for me among many other fun things including secular music, all the good TV shows and movies. On top of it all, I went to a private school where we wore the most hideous unflattering uniforms imaginable. Yellow sweater vests with a below the knee pleated gray skirt, I kid you not. It was the worst!!! Now I'm not writing this as a "woe is me, I had such a deprived childhood kind of post," but rather to provide some context for my addiction to designing, making and wearing of costumes in every avenue of my personal and professional life.

My first costume making attempt was in my tweens. Madonna ruled as the queen of pop music and was sporting her Jean-Paul Gaultier iconic cone bra. She looked so powerful and sexy, and I fell in love with that image. I wanted to be that powerful sexy woman entertaining the masses so I figured that making myself a metal cone bra would be a good place to start. I woke up early one morning and busted out some tin foil and attempted to make one. As I was placing the cones over my non-boobs my mom caught me and freaked out. She scolded me on my lewd creation and asked me where I would even get such an idea. I didn't want to tell her that Madonna had inspired me as I figured that admitting to being a fan of secular pop star would get me into even more trouble.

Looking back on it now I'd say that my repressed childhood is probably what spawned the creative and apologetically sexual monster that I am today. 

It wasn't a conscious rebellion by any means. I wasn't just like "fuck society, I'm just going to make myself  into the biggest weirdo I possibly can be." I've just always loved being theatrical with the presentation of my art. As a child escaping into the worlds I got to create through theatre and dance were a form of therapy for me and it was through those characters that I felt I could express facets of myself that would otherwise be chastised by authority figures or my peers.

Even as a stripper I always was conscious of creating a fantasy character for the audience. I know that in all reality all most of the guys really cared about was getting to see me naked, but getting into a sexy character is liberating and that sexual energy transfers on to the audience. I didn't get into stripping to rebel against my conservative upbringing, but it certainly has been a creatively therapeutic experience not to mention a great way to fund my artistic pursuits. Not surprisingly my artistic pursuits invlove designing characters, making costumes and dressing up.

Here's are some of my favourite costumes that I've designed for my music videos. Some of which I am offering as perks in my current crowdfunding campaign here.

We're All Whores Music Video Costumes

I was super stoked for this particular costume because it was my childhood dream of owning a cone bra come true. I even rigged the nipples to squirt "crude oil" as an enviro political statement against the greed driven oil industry that is one of the biggest whore machines out there.

This steampunk cyborg costume is available as a perk on Indigogo

Behold, the aftermath of the cone bra!

Our "Shiny Pretty Whore" costumes that are a seductive green, the color of money.

Hedonist Music Video Costumes

Hedonist is defintely my most ambitious music video both as a concept and a production. It's 4 separate sets and sequences with several costume changes. I'm offering the victorian lingere set that I'm wearing in the still below as another crowdfunding perk. 

My distressed Victorian lingerie is being offered as one of my Indigogo crowdfunding perks here.

The Victorian ballgown-fetishwear costume was designed by me, but the latex and PVC pieces were made by Jenni Wong at Deadly Couture in Vancouver. BC. 

I did however construct the dress cage as seen below.

I will be updating perks and adding additional costume pieces to the campaign. 

Check out the campaign at https://igg.me/at/SexDrugsAlbum

If you see anything that you'd like to have as a perk for contributing feel free to email me borgqueenmusic@gmail.com

Fast. Cheap. Good...Pick Two

Holy Shit! It's been about a year since I posted in this blog. I guess my only excuse for not staying on top of posts is that I've been extremely busy with finishing up my album and making music videos.

It's been a very long production process but that's the nature of being an indie artist who doesn't settle for releasing poorly produced content. I don't have a huge budget and I've relied solely on myself to finance everything.

When I used to be an interior designer I would tell my clients that their choices as to how their projects could be completed are fast, cheap and good, but the catch is that they only get to pick two. If they wanted to renovate quickly and on the cheap, the quality would suffer. If they wanted quality work and we're under some serious time constraints it was going to cost them a pretty penny. This principle rings true for any production based industry ie. film, music, construction etc. Because I have chosen to create high quality recordings and videos and I don't have a lot of money to work with, it's not a quick process.

For the music I do everything myself with the exception of final mixes and mastering. I had the good fortune of scoring a fantastic engineer, Adam Fulton, who's worked with Paul McCartney, Will Smith and Master Chief(Halo). Our paths crossed when I took an audio engineering course he was teaching, and he was gracious enough despite his full workload of high profile projects to take me on. However, even when it comes to the mixing I am present in the sessions with Adam. It's been a fantastic learning experience for me on a technical level and also creatively rewarding getting to act as the producer guiding him as to how I would like the layer of sound sculpted to create what we call a "sound painting". Because artistic intent of the songs are very much conveyed by the way the music is produced and engineered on a technical level I felt it would fitting to have my engineer appear as a character in one of my music videos.

Me and my engineer Adam Fulton (3rd from left) on the set of my music video Hedonist.

Speaking of videos though,  I've decided to challenge myself by shooting 4 of them for the singles off my album Sex, Drugs and Shiny Brass Poles. Again, I do all of the pre production work myself, but have managed to score yet another talent director Arcelia Ocaña to shoot the videos. I love working with Arcelia! It's always a "yes" with her. Her positivity and enthusiasm are infectious. Not only does she produce top notch high quality work, but she fully immerses herself into the psychological head space of what ever it is that we happen to be shooting. For Hedonist, we shot a fetish orgy scene and she was yelling everybody on set that day to get "really, really horny." She wanted the sexual energy to permeate the room so that we would be drowning in it creating a truthful experience for the audience.

Arcelia Ocaña(2nd from left) immersing herself into the world of Hedonist that she helps me bring to life.

The fetish orgy scene from Hedonist. 

When it comes to fast, cheap and good, I'll never sacrifice "good" to get something done fast and cheap.  In the long run it's never worth it to cut corners. My art will be around way longer than I will so it may take longer to produce but the end results are totally worth it as can be seen from this teaser footage from my music video We're All Whores.