Dealing With Rejection

No one likes being rejected. It's hard not to take it personally, but it is a part of life and definitely something one experiences as an artist.

Yesterday's rant was about me being frustrated with having to play the role of publicist for myself. I'm pitching my music to online publications in the hopes that I'll get some press. Other than the fact that it's a tedious, boring time consuming process, the other major drawback of doing your own PR is getting all the rejections. If I were promoting someone else I wouldn't be emotionally invested in the process. Also, had I been able to hire a publicist, they would be getting all the rejections and I'd only be hearing about the publications willing to show me the love. Oh well, it's just another annoying reality of the popularity game you have to play when your an artist.

So, today my inbox has been flooded with all the rejections from yesterday's submissions of my song We're All Whores. It's disappointing for sure, but the key to not taking it personally is to remember that all art is subjective and just because someone doesn't like my work doesn't mean that it isn't "good" or have merit. Another way of putting it into perspective is thinking of it like any sales job. You're going to hear overwhelmingly more "no's" then "yes's" no matter what industry you're working in.

If you're curious about what's being rejected feel free to visit my website for a free download of We're All Whores, the song I've been submitting to promote my album Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles.

Sneak Preview of We're All Whores

The full song can be downloaded for FREE on my website http://www.borg-queen-music.com

Too Many Fucking Hats!

In any business there's a game to be played if you want to get ahead. Music is definitely no exception. Artistically speaking I already wear a bajillion and one hats being a singer/songwriter/composer/instrumentalist/producer/engineer and that's just the musical aspect of what I do with my project Borg Queen. There's also the visual component of my project that has me working as a one woman art department making music videos with production qualities way higher than I really need to in this game called the music biz. Don't get me wrong I love working on all the artistic stuff, and even the technical aspects of it are fascinating and extremely rewarding. I'm not bitching about that at all.

What get's to me is having to promote myself. Social media is the worst. I'm not a social creature, and while I do enjoy getting public recognition for my art because it's something I'm proud of, I hate seeking attention for the sake of getting attention. However, that is part of the game now. I can't JUST be a talented artist, get a record deal and sit in my ivory tower making music while my label promotes me. Those days are gone. Even signed artists have to play the game. Mind you most of the really established ones have someone managing their social media for them.

It's a different game in many ways now, but something that hasn't changed is that it still is all about who you know. One of the best ways of getting "discovered" or just looking credible is getting some press. But how do you get press? The easy, effective but expensive way is to hire a publicist. Not really an option for me right now given that I spent all my money on creating super high quality content and crazy elaborate music videos.

So here I am wearing yet another hat writing press releases and submitting my music to every blogger that covers my genre, that's also linked to Hype Machine. Hype Machine if you're wondering is a very popular music blog aggregator, and if you get your shit on there, then larger publications start taking notice. So, the bottom line is you wanna get yourself some press and get on Hype Machine, so you can get even better press and have MORE people notice you. It's like being in high school all over again. Needless to say I didn't really give a shit about being popular in high school because I was too busy being an artist. Now, I'm too busy trying to be popular plugging my new album that I haven't had enough time to be an artist.

So there's my rant. I don't like wearing all these hats. I just want to be an artist, make music, make cool videos and perform. In case you were wondering what I needed the press for, it's my new album Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles that you can pre order by clicking on the image below.

If you buy it, I promise to use the money to hire a publicist so that I can return to doing what I do best...creating.

We're All Whores: Sneak Preview

I am so beyond the moon excited for this music video! This was so much fun to shoot and I just couldn't wait to share this little snippet with you. I'm giving away a free copy of this song on my website. Just follow this link and enter your email in the form to get your copy of We're All Whores.

The Art Of Sexual Assault

UPDATE January 15, 2017 

Hedonist is the victim impact statement I wrote in the form of song after the police told me that there was nothing they could do for me because they didn't have enough evidence to press charges against my assailant. Sadly, this scenario is all too common even in "progressive" western society.

A Victim Impact Statement Through Art, Music & Video

To say the past month has been rough would be a gross understatement. In a follow up to my recent post Crippling Horrible Depression where I discuss the emotional impact of my recent sexual assault, today I want to touch upon the artistic impact my sexual assaults have had. Yes, you read that correctly...assaults...as in, more than one time. In fact, I've been sexually violated in the criminal sense 6 times in the past 20 years and it does have somewhat of a cumulative effect especially considering that not once, despite filing police reports has it ever led to my assailants being brought up on charges. The disgusting reality is that each and every time, my integrity has come into question and I've been subject to victim blaming and dismissive attitudes by law enforcement and legal professionals.

In many ways being the victim of sex crimes and a failing justice system has shaped me into the type of artist that I am today. I don't paint pretty pictures or write songs about sunny days. Not that there's anything wrong with that kind of art, but if I am going to have these shitty things happen to me I at least want it to count for something. I want to draw attention through my art to social injustices. I want to empower victims to take a stand and speak up. I want young women to know that it is not their fault and it IS a big deal that someone has violated their sexual autonomy. I want comfort my fellow victims and let them know that they are not alone in their pain. I want to call out the powers that be in their failure to protect the public because they're too concerned with protecting their own interests.

In the music video We're All Whore I call out the corrupt justice system that has failed me as a victim of sexual assault time and time again.

A judge is transformed into a twisted version of Lady Justice to show that even the noblest of institution can be corrupted by money and power.

I want to educate the public about sexual assault and it's impacts on society as a whole. What most people picture when you say "sexual assault" is a woman walking alone in a dark place and all of a sudden a man with a weapon jumps out, forces her to the ground, threatens her and rapes her causing massive bodily trauma in the process. While this is a type of sexual assault specifically called aggravated rape it is hardly the most common form of sexual assault. Most sexual assaults involve someone who is already known to the victim. Most sexual assaults involve coercion and manipulation of the victim.

Not all sexual assaults are rape, but ALL sexual assaults involve a lack of consent. Of the six incidents of sexual assault happened to me 3 involved non consentual vaginal penetration but only 2 would be considered rape. Of the two times I was raped both times it was by someone I was well acquainted with. In fact one of my assailants was a domestic partner. Only 2 out of the six times I was assaulted, it was by a stranger. 3 out of the 6 times it happened was in a workplace situation. One time it was within the medical profession while I was seeking treatment for my fibromyalgia.

Each time it's happened it takes a bit to process what just happened to me. My initial reaction is that of shock, then I feel like throwing up, then I feel fear, then anger, then confusion, then disbelief until I run through the incident in my head again and realize that yes, that really did happen to me again. Then I have to decide what I'm going to do about it. Do I let it go,or do I confront my assailant, or do I report it? 4 out of the six times I reported what happened to me and 4 out of 4 times nothing happened as far as legal consequences of any kind for my assailants. Disappointed doesn't even begin to explain the tornado of emotion that has raged in me each an every time I have experienced this injustice. 

In the Hedonist music video I use surgery as a visual metaphor for sexual assault

A victim lays helpless on the operating table while the assailant cuts into her violating her physical autonomy.

The idea was to capture the impact of sexual assualt on the victim's entire being through violent imagery. I want to show the audience that "this is how it feels. You're stuck, powerless and someone has control over your body and the trauma of the event will continue to haunt your soul"

What makes the experience of being sexually assaulted and not having acknowledged and legitimzed through the criminal justice system even more infuriating is knowing that something like this has happened to every woman I know! I know the official North American statistic is that 1 in 4 women experience sexual assault, but it's gotta be higher. Either way, it's a serious social problem and it has to change! Too many of us victims don't tell anyone that it happened. Too many of us just sweep it under the rug and try to just "get on" with our lives. Too many of us feel guilt, shame and blame ourselves for what happened. Too many of us don't report it to the proper authorities or if we do, it's been such a long time that all the evidence has disappeared. Too many of us think that because we weren't "raped" that we have less of a right to feel violated.

I want to encourage other victims to talk about it, report it and even if they don't see any justice through our broken legal system to write a victim impact statement as they would do if their case actually went to court. I write my victim impact statements through my art and music. It's how I work through it. My painting, song and music video Hedonist is my victim impact statement. Through words and images I acknowledge what happened and it's profound effect on every aspect of my life and the people closest to me. Writing a victim impact statement doesn't have to be a work of art, but trust me that getting it out has been therapeutic and healing. I encourage everyone to write one no matter how long ago it happened and no matter what the legal outcome was.

Sexual assault and it's aftermath has a snowball affect on it's victims. It leads to mental health issues, which can lead to self destructive behaviour like eating disorders, self harm and substance abuse. Addiction is a massive social problem and studies of female addicts have shown that almost 100% have suffered sexual abuse. The mental health issues experienced by sexual assault victims can impede their ability to earn a living and be productive members of society. So, it's not just the victims(at least 25% of women) who suffer, but society as a whole.

The imagery in the music video Hedonist is designed to show the complexity of the relationship between sexual abuse, mental illness and addiction.

The bottom line is that if you are a victim of ANY form of sexual assault I encourage you to make as much noise about it as possible. Report it to the police. Write a victim impact statement even if it doesn't go to court. If you feel you justice wasn't served or you weren't taken seriously, go to the media. Talk to a lawyer to see what your legal options are. Fight back! Tell someone you trust. Hell! Email me about it at borgqueenmusic@gmail.com I'll listen to you, even if no one else does.

If someone close to you was sexually assaulted encourage them to do all of the above and hold their hand through it all so that they know they're not alone.

Style and Substance: Hotness vs. Talent

Years ago I interviewed an actor friend of mine and asked him what factors increase a person's chances of success in the world of professional acting. He looked me right in the eye and bluntly stated "be hot and talented." The idealist in me didn't want to accept that hotness plays as much of a role in an entertainer's(particularly a female's) success, but my inner realist knew he hit the nail on the head. Of course neither hotness nor talent or combination thereof will guarantee success, but it will increase your chances.

So armed with this knowledge of the winning formula to increase my success as an musician/performer/artist I find myself constantly balancing style with substance. The following is a list of questions I have had to answer when taking an honest inventory of my artistic integrity vs. marketability of the content I produce.

So what is the right ratio of style to substance? 

Appreciation of aesthetic is part and parcel of being a visual artist. Style is integral to what I do and does bleed into my other artistic mediums including the music I make. So how important is the packaging? For me personally, the packing must be a reflection of what is on the inside. It must make a strong impression and draw the audience into the concept being conveyed through the medium.

We all judge a book by it's cover to a certain extent and that is something I keep in mind when designing that cover. I want the outside to be an accurate reflection of the lies underneath.

Artistic intent conveyed through style is not just art for the sake of art. Every visual element is deliberate and tells a part of the story.

So what about using sex to promote yourself as an artist?

I'm innately drawn to anything sexy as I think most humans are so that's wht sex sells. When it comes to my artforms though, the questions I ask myself are, "Am I selling sex? Is sex in anyway integral to the concept I'm relating through my art?" If the answer is yes, then of course I'm going to use sex as a promotional tool because that is what the song or painting or performance is about. Using sex as a promotional tool in that context is truthful and doesn't compromise artistic integrity.

However, let's say I've written a song about my dad's death. Am I going to sex myself up to promote the song? Of course not, because it's not artistically relevant and it would be painfully obvious and sad that I was using sexy images of myself just to gain popularity.

The song We're All Whores uses a sexual metaphor lyrically and visually to convey the concept of human commodification as a result of capitalism.

Does hotness matter?

Sadly, yes. Especially if you're a woman, but make no mistake if you rely solely on hotness to gain popularity and the try to legitimize yourself as a serious artist afterwards, it's harder to be taken seriously. You could be super talented, skillful, accomplished and intelligent but if you ride the hotness train to popularity town you'll find it harder to change people's perception of who you truly are because you bombarded them for so long with only one dimension of yourself. Some people just don't care to see beyond the hotness. It takes longer to gain a fan base by not exploiting just your sexuality, but in the long run you'll be appreciated for your art and not just your image. Marilyn Monroe was a legitimately talented actor, but do we talk about how talented she was, no we talk about how beautiful she was.

So how do we strike a the balance between being a sellout and being naively idealistic?

In the end our art is our legacy it out lives us. So being mindful of that fact, we should aim to promote ourselves and our craft with truthfulness and integrity, but sometimes that does mean being overtly sexual. Ultimately, what brings about lasting success is being true to one's self. After all, in art everything is subjective including hotness and talent.

Crippling Horrible Depression

The clouds are so thick that all I can feel is the ultraviolet radiation permeating my skin, damaging me on a cellular level. A walk through the forest draws my attention to the soil erosion around the root systems a grim reminder that the air filling my lungs is now contains 400ppm of carbon. This is the nature of depression. It is all consuming. A dark fog that won't lift, and I used to be able to see the beauty in a foggy day. Maybe it's just because there have been so many foggy days lately that I've forgotten that there is a world outside of the dark cloud that surrounds me.

Three weeks ago I was sexually assaulted. The life has just been sucked right out of me, but I tell myself that I have to keep emulating the behavior of the living. I tell myself that if I can just keep pretending to live that I'll feel alive again. If it were just the heartbreak of losing my partner, or simply coping with having a chronic illness or even if all I had to deal with was the psychological and legal fallout of being sexually assaulted then I feel as if I could stitch together enough broken pieces of myself to resemble a functional person.

So what do I do? Life doesn't just stop because I've lost the ability to function. Life goes on, right? Besides, there are so many things I have to get done. I have to finish filming music videos. I have to finish the artwork layout for my CD's. I have to fulfill all my crowdfunding perks. I have to start on a PR campaign for my album release. I have to start organizing a live show. I have to keep start recording my new EP...the list goes on and on, just like life. How do I accomplish all of this when my body is in so much agony that I can barely move and my mind is so foggy that I'm not even aware of my own thoughts half the time. It's taken me 4 days to write this tiny little blog post because it's so hard to focus.

So why even write a post like this? Well, the answer is the same as to the question, "why write songs and paint pictures of dark subject matter?" The answer is that we all will suffer as human beings. Many times our suffering will be inflicted upon us for no discernable reason. This is the nature of our physical existence, but like everything else in this physical existence, suffering is not permanent either. We're also not alone in our suffering. There is always someone out there who understands, we just need to reach out and ask for help.

Will I always feel like this? Logically speaking...no, I won't even though right now it feels like I'll never feel joy again. I just have to remember that I haven't always felt like this so chances are that this too shall pass.

Jesus Would Not Approve

I recently caught wind through the magic of social media that some of my conservative Christian relatives are intentionally trying to sabotage my crowdfunding efforts on Indiegogo by imploring family members to not contribute. 

Preorder my album Sex, Drugs 
& Shiny Brass Poles  through 
my campaign here. Just select the 
$10 digital album perk or the $25 signed CD 
perk and receive  your copy weeks 
before the official release!

The fact that my art disturbs old people is actually a huge compliment. I'm kinda enjoying my Marilyn Manson moment, or I would be if the attack wasn't so personal. This isn't just some group of conservative nut jobs that's never met me and regularly crusades against several other artists who's content the deem to be objectionable. This is my family saying, "not only am I not supporting you, but I wish failure upon you so I'm going out of my way to get the rest of the family to turn their backs on you too." This type of attack is intentional, targeted and personal.
I've written a rebuttal to the relative(s) who feels that it is their moral duty to dissuade me from trying to make a career out of doing something I love. I'm writing it in Christianese as I'm hoping that maybe if I speak their language we might be able to find some common ground.

Dear family member(s),

I understand that you are person of conviction and live your life according to a moral code. I can appreciate and respect that as I too have strong convictions and a code of ethics that I try to live by. I also understand that the Bible and the teachings of Jesus are the basis of your moral code. So let's talk about that. I'm pretty well versed in the Bible and believe it or not I hold the teachings of Jesus in the highest regard. In fact, there are a lot of parallels between what's said in the Bible and what I'm saying in my album Sex, Drugs & Shiny Brass Poles. I know that the title might be a little scary because of the word "sex" but let's not forget that the Bible has a bunch of stories about all kinds of sexual scenarios including rape, incest and adultery. There's lessons to be learned from these stories, just as there are lessons to be learned from the story I am telling through my music and art. A lot of the lessons are even biblical. My song We're All Whores is a shining example of this.

It's about how everyone is a "whore" because we all have done something for money that we haven't wanted to do, but we've done it just for the money.

"...we all have a price that someone will pay...you and me are a commodity and we're all whores in our own unique way"  ~ We're All Whores

The message of the song is not to judge because we are all guilty of selling out on some level and making money our priority

.

"...so don't judge me you know you have no right because we're all precious little whores in God's sight. Look inside yourself what do you see? You're a whore too, you know you're just like me..." ~ We're All Whores

Maybe you're not convinced yet that the message is biblical? Well, here's some Scripture to back it up.

On all of us being guilty:
Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."

On your right to judge me:
John 8:7 "...'Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone'..."

On making moral judgements against others:
Luke 6:37 "...'Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned'..."

I'm just reiterating what Jesus said. Speaking of which, there's this pretty famous quote of his that most people who live by a code of ethics aspire to live their lives by. You may have heard of it. 

It's called The Golden Rule:

Luke 6:31 "Do to others as you would have them do to you."

Matthew 7:12 "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."

So based on this very core Christian principle, I ask why would you intentionally sabotage me? If you were starting a business would you appreciate it if I went to other family members and asked them not to support your efforts? Your argument may be that you simply do not support the work that I do based on moral objections and you are simply standing by your convictions. Well that's fine, but let me give you a parallel example. Let's say that I'm a vegan and you are opening up a steakhouse. I morally object to the consumption of meat and will not under any circumstance support a business that profits because of the slaughter of animals. These are deeply held moral beliefs of mine because I feel that the way animals are raised and slaughtered is inhumane. However, there are other family members who do eat meat and would likely support my business. If I go around to them and tell them not to support specifically your restaurant, it is now a personal attack because I am not telling them not to eat meat, but specifically telling them not to eat meat from your restaurant. My intent is no longer that of altruism, but of maliciousness.

The real irony is that in your moral "Christian" crusade against my overtly sexual artistic content, you have broken God's law. I'm guessing that Jesus would not approve of your condemnation anymore than he did 2000 years ago when the Pharisees tried stoning a woman to death for her sexual transgressions.

You're attacks on me are clearly rooted in a place of ignorance and fear. You don't know anything about my art nor have you ever taken the time to talk to me about it. You seem to just want to discourage me from creating it and spreading it to people who can be positively impacted by it. By the way, I forgive you just as Jesus forgave the people who executed him because, "you know not what you do." 

Sincerely,

Jenny

I just want to make it clear that I am not in anyway trashing on people who hold strong moral beliefs religious or otherwise, nor am I encouraging anyone to do so. Your beliefs don't make you a good person, your actions do. Unfortunately because none of us are perfect we will never be a good person 100% of the time, and sometimes we will use our beliefs to justify our shitty behavior.